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You make people feel good about themselves and like you unconsciously.
By Darshak Rana — Written on Jun 23, 2022
Do you know that 70 percent of people have imposter syndrome?
That means they don’t think they’re good enough despite the evidence.
So, if you don’t realize you’re charming, it doesn’t mean you aren’t. You just need to identify it.
Here’s why:
- People will be more receptive to what you have to say (according to the law of vibrations).
- You’ll get more breaks and promotions at work or school. (Your self-belief will manifest into success).
- You will maintain good relationships with people despite different opinions, beliefs, and backgrounds. This is important if your goal is a business or marriage.
Plus, charm is an influence multiplier.
It makes people feel happy and grateful. They will do what you may ask them to do and offer all their attention and care.
According to a study, a charming person will have the easiest time at work and in life because the people around them trust and support them.
So, what makes you charming?
Charisma is an invisible aura of positive vibrations that make you attractive. It might be due to an inborn trait or a self-developed behavior.
Here are 7 signs you're charming (and completely unaware of it):
1. You Have The The Fearlessness Vibe
My close friend is one of those people who loves trying new things every day — no matter how weird or fearful. If someone suggests we go wild camping in the woods, he’s all for it (meanwhile, I’m thinking about all the bears and snakes).
A couple of years ago, I was at a party, and he said, “I’ve wanted to try heli-skiing. Would you join me?”
I thought, “Oh God, no! That is a terrible idea!”
(P.S: Heli-Skiing is one of the most dangerous adventure sports in the world.)
But I couldn’t help but admire his adventurous attitude toward life.
He also has an interesting hobby — he’s a competitive eater and has been on The Food Network. Most people would never dream of doing something like that, but he loves it.
Lee Wolfe Blum explains in her book “Brave Is the New Beautiful:”
Trying new things makes you more attractive because it shows you aren’t afraid to step out of your comfort zone. It also shows you are confident and secure in who you are.
People are drawn to those who are comfortable in their skin and aren’t afraid to embrace new experiences.
2. You Have a Congruent Facial Expression
Someone smarter than me once said, “The ability to laugh at yourself is the sexiest quality a person can have.”
I believe it to be true.
When you crack a self-deprecating joke or make light of a situation, it says two things about you:
- You know yourself.
- You’re confident enough not to take yourself too seriously.
This is incredibly attractive to others because it’s a sign that you are secure enough not to get defensive or offended by every little thing.
It also suggests you can roll with the punches and aren’t afraid to poke fun at yourself.
Inviting people to laugh with you while you are laughing at yourself is a good thing to do. You may be a fool but you’re the fool in charge.
~Carl Reiner
3. You Have A Positive “Affective Presence”
A psychological study suggests it’s a part of your personality that makes someone comfortable in your presence. The term is “affective presence.”
A man I know once told me that he had this uncanny ability to make anyone feel like his best friend. It almost seemed like a parlor trick to him. If he spent more than five minutes with someone, they would walk away thinking they had a new best friend.
He had this magical ability to make everyone feel special. If you have this quality, people are likely to be drawn to you without knowing why.
I was never quite sure how he did it. But I think it had something to do with his ability to be present. He wasn’t thinking about himself or his next move. He completely focused on the other person.
He had a knack for making people feel included. He would ask personal questions but in a non-intrusive way.
If you can make others feel like they belong to you, you’re charming.
4. You Embrace The Pratfall Effect
In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown talks about the importance of vulnerability:
Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s being open and honest about your struggles and fears. It’s admitting when you need help or feel lost.
It takes guts to do this because we live in a world that tells us to suck it up and deal with our problems on our own.
Yet, when you open up to others, it creates a bond that’s hard to break. In psychology, it’s called the pratfall effect.
Example:
There’s a big difference between saying, “I had a tough day at work” and “I feel like I’m not good enough, and I’m afraid I might get fired.”
The first statement is surface level. The second one requires courage, but it lets the other person in.
It creates trust.
If you don’t shy away from showing your vulnerable side, you’re charming because that’s how people perceive you.
5. You Let Others Own Your Place
A few years ago, I had a friend who would get me into the best sports clubs. It didn’t matter if I wasn’t a member. He always knew someone, and we’d walk right in.
And because he got me in, I felt special. I felt like I was part of an elite group.
If you can make someone feel like they’re a part of something special, it creates an instant bond. It makes them want to be around you more.
Elon Musk does this with his product launches. Steve Jobs did it, too.
They don’t just announce a new product. They make you feel like you’re part of a revolution. They give you a sense that by being there, you are changing the world.
You can do this on a smaller scale. If you have a good gossip, share it with others. If you know something interesting about someone, let the person know. If you have an “in” somewhere, invite people along.
Making others feel like they’re insiders creates a strong sense of loyalty. It’s one of the most charming things you can do.
6. You Can Sit With The Awkward
We’ve all been in situations where there’s an awkward silence. Maybe you’re on a first date, and the conversation hits a lull. Or you’re at a party, and you find yourself standing alone.
Most people don’t know what to do in these situations. They start to feel anxious, and their mind races, trying to think of something — anything — to say.
What charming people do is they sit with the awkward. They don’t try to fill the silence with meaningless small talk. They just relax and let the moment be what it is.
This doesn’t mean they’re not paying attention. They’re just comfortable with silence, and they know it’s not the end of the world if there’s a lull in the conversation.
7. Your Ears Lean In For a Genuine Engagement
The best conversations are not the ones where both people talk equally.
The best conversations are often the ones in which one person does most of the talking, and the other person does most of the listening.
If you’re a good listener, people will be drawn to you because they know they can trust you with their secrets and stories.
They know you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak — you’re interested in what they have to say.
A great listener is also a good communicator.
You know how to ask the right questions at the right time, and you’re not afraid to be vulnerable and share your own stories.
People are attracted to those who are open and honest, so if you’re a good listener, you’re also a charming person.
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Darshak Rana is a writer, entrepreneur, and deep believer in spirituality. He has a Master's degree in engineering, and his work revolves around exploring the depths of relationships, human consciousness, personal growth, and self-help. Follow him on Twitter.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.