9 Rare Habits Of People With Unshakable Emotional Strength
Jane Palash | Unsplash Most of us go through a rough time at some point in life. Maybe you feel overwhelmed, sad, dead inside, helpless, exhausted, and rudderless. How do you build emotional strength and resilience at home and work?
All of the above is a sign that your life is out of balance. You do not need to despair because you can rise above the pain and inertia in your life with internal work. First, there is no quick fix. Like learning to swim, you have to practice, practice, and practice. Building and reinforcing unshakable emotional strength is lifelong work.
Here are nine rare habits of people with unshakable emotional strength:
1. People with unshakable emotional strength take an honest look at where they are in life
Starting with an honest look at where you actually are is one of the most underrated foundations of emotional strength. Research shows that people who regularly examine their values and emotional patterns are measurably better at adapting when life gets hard.
How do you build emotional strength at home and work? What is going on in your life right now? Do you feel like something is missing in your life? Are you in a job that you don’t like? Are you in a relationship that feels like it is going nowhere?
Maybe you are trying to move on after a divorce. Perhaps the last of your kids has left home to start their own lives. At this moment in life, what is inspiring you? What is holding you back? What are your dreams for the future?
2. They protect their energy with firm, unapologetic boundaries
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To be a resilient human being, you need to have healthy boundaries. What are your priorities in life? How do you want to use your time best? Who are the people who inspire and encourage you, and with whom you want to work?
Be honest with yourself and others about how much time you have to offer others. What activities and work are your priority? It is OK to say no; sometimes, this is crucial for mental and physical health.
Lianne Avila, licensed marriage and family therapist, explains that saying yes when you mean no leads directly to resentment, and that boundaries are not about shutting people out but about protecting what you need to show up well. She explains, "When you set boundaries, you will feel happy in your life, even when your accomplishments are small."
3. People with unshakable emotional strength quiet the noise
Find a form of meditation that works for you to quiet your mind. There are many types of meditation. Keep experimenting until you find a practice that works for you. My favorite meditation resource is an app called Insight Timer, but many apps, websites, and books can assist you in starting your meditation practice.
A 2024 study found that mindfulness and meditation practices produce measurable changes that reduce reactivity and improve emotional regulation.
Even starting with just a few minutes a day creates real shifts in how the brain processes pressure and difficulty. Start your practice gradually with a few minutes each day and slowly extend your practice to twenty to 30 minutes daily. How does this help you to build emotional strength?
4. They come back to their body when they feel off
Your body is full of wisdom. The more you pay attention to the sensations of your body, the better you will be able to make decisions about how you live your life. Find some form of movement to help you stay connected to your body, including yoga, tai chi, running, walking, gardening, singing, dancing, or anything else that enables you to be more aware of what is happening in your body.
Research shows that practices like yoga or tai chi reduce anxiety and cortisol levels while improving the nervous system's ability to recover from stress. Paying attention to what your body is telling you is one of the most straightforward paths to emotional regulation you actually have.
5. They surround themselves with people who love them unconditionally
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Who are the people in your life who encourage you and inspire you? Who are the people you walk away from feeling loved, appreciated, and respected? These are the people you want to hang out with. These are the people who will help you to build emotional strength.
Choosing to spend your limited time with people who genuinely lift you is one of the few habits that is truly age-proof. Licensed psychologist Dr. Judith Tutin explains that relationships are among the most important factors in both health and longevity, and that even casual social connection matters more than most people realize.
6. People with unshakable emotional strength guard their alone time
To be emotionally strong, you need to have time for yourself. Find a friend or family member to open your heart to. Share with them your greatest fears and hopes. Let them know how you are doing each day.
People who chose to spend time alone felt less stressed and less controlled by others' expectations, and those benefits built up the more consistently they protected their solitude, a 2023 study found. The key is that it has to be intentional, where you choose for yourself, and functions very differently from the isolation you did not ask for.
What activities can you do alone that can help you recharge your batteries? What helps you to feel good? What enables you to stay open to your inner wisdom? What helps you to relax?
7. They let themselves be vulnerable, even when it feels uncomfortable
To build emotional strength, you need to practice vulnerability. To do this, you must first be able to acknowledge the truth of what is going on within you. Once you can admit how you feel, you can share it with others. Often, you can release much of what is holding you back by simply expressing it to another person.
Avila explains that emotional intimacy is something couples and close relationships genuinely need to thrive, and notes that when people stop sharing what they really feel, distance creeps in almost without anyone noticing. Opening up to someone you trust is how connection actually deepens.
8. They make peace with their inner critic instead of fighting it
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You have an inner critic, and it will never go away. However, this part of your ego has good intentions. It wants to keep you safe by keeping you stuck in the status quo. You can tell your inner critic is speaking within you when you have internal conversations that are harsh, loud, demeaning, and judgmental. You will notice this voice gets louder every time you try something new.
Transforming the inner critic instead of suppressing or battling it is one of the most effective pathways to emotional resilience and self-acceptance. Treating that harsh internal voice with curiosity instead of contempt creates space for self-compassion, which studies link to lower anxiety and stronger coping skills over time.
You can learn to quiet this part of you by inviting it to help you enhance your emotional strength. Learning to use this powerful energy within you is vital to helping you find your purpose and the flow you yearn for.
9. People with unshakable emotional strength know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
Whenever you feel stuck in enhancing your emotional strength, you can seek help from a professional coach, counselor, or other healing modality. Remember to admit you have issues is a sign of strength and courage.
Psychologist Dr. Michael W. Regier explains that it takes courage to say you are ready to ask for help, and that the decision to seek support is one of the most honest things a person can do for themselves. Far from being a sign of weakness, reaching out to a professional is often the moment when things actually start to change.
You will be invited to look deeply into yourself. While this is hard, it is worth the work. You will gain a new understanding of yourself, making it easier to forgive yourself and discover the steps you need to take to find greater joy in your life.
As you learn to connect to your three centers of intelligence — body, heart, and head — you will find greater ease and flow in your life. Remember, this is lifelong work. The more you can make inner work an essential part of every day, the greater the flow.
If you do this daily work, you will harvest greater emotional strength and discover myriad ways to build emotional resilience at home, work, everywhere.
Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual life coach, and teacher of the Enneagram. He helps people connect to their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.
