6 Quiet Signs You're In A Bad Place In Life, Even If You're Functioning Just Fine
Celal Keser | Canva Depending on who you ask, people may consider perfectionism to be a strength or a weakness. Throughout my time as an excellence-seeking perfectionist (meaning I have a high level of standards for myself and the people in my life), I have found that being perfect isn't a strength; it's a weakness. It's important to have a reality check with yourself and learn how to stop being a perfectionist — it's not good for your mental health.
According to life coach and mental health advocate Mitzi Bockmann, "Perfectionism is about the need for control. We often can’t control our emotional health or our environment or the people around us, but we can try to control how we do something." Don’t be afraid to ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. If not, figure out how you can change them to be something that is not so impossible. Despite taking a lot of work and thought control, there is a light at the end of perfectionism. Although it may take some time, you will one day be free from its control over you.
If you’re like me, I’m sure you give 100% to the tasks you complete. And you probably have many aspirations that keep you on your toes. On the contrary, you might find yourself in a bad place in life, struggling with disappointment and high levels of anxiety. Since nothing can truly be perfect, the never-ending cycle, diminishing returns, and assumed failure can all bring negative emotions.
Here are 6 quiet signs you're in a bad place in life, even if you're functioning just fine:
1. You fill your mind with negative self-talk
Have you ever heard the expression, “I am my own worst critic”? Well, nothing could be truer for someone who’s a perfectionist. Every little mistake will warrant some self-hatred that can’t be unheard of. Sometimes, without even noticing, I’m being mean to myself. Instead of building myself up after a failure, I tear myself down because there shouldn’t have been any failure in the first place.
Perfectionists don't just set impossible standards for themselves. They also become their own harshest critics in a never-ending loop. Research shows that self-critical perfectionism involves constant harsh self-scrutiny and an inability to feel satisfied even after successful performance, which directly contributes to higher levels of psychological distress and depression.
2. You have high levels of stress and anxiety
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Since perfectionists are heavily concerned with getting everything perfect the first time around, they are constantly overworking themselves. As a result, they are stressed, experience burnout, and have high levels of anxiety.
It takes a toll adhering to the desires of perfectionism. Studies also show that perfectionism is related to detrimental work and non-work outcomes, such as workaholism.
3. You're prone to relationship problems
Perfectionism doesn’t just affect you personally. As a matter of fact, it can have negative consequences on the relationships you hold. With such high standards for those around you, it can feel like you are never going to be satisfied.
I have personally seen this in my almost two-year relationship with my boyfriend. More than once, I have made him feel like he isn’t good enough, even without trying. My perfectionist antics get in the way of the love and support I’d like to be giving.
When you're constantly judging yourself, you're probably doing the same thing to your partner without even realizing it. Studies found that perfectionistic concerns directly predict relationship conflict, and that conflict then leads to depressive symptoms. Basically, your impossible standards create a cycle where both you and your partner end up feeling terrible.
4. You're not sleeping well
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Although this might not affect everyone, a Swedish study discovered that 70% of patients with insomnia had higher scores than normal on perfectionism.
There have also been links to perfectionists, accounting for many of the people with heart disease, persistent headaches, and irritable bowel syndrome. The high levels of stress and lack of self-respect may begin to take a toll on physical health for those who struggle with perfectionism.
5. You struggle to feel happy and fulfilled
Perfectionists are very focused on the unattainable. While they may seem like realistic goals, the truth is, the search for perfection never ends. You may not ever get what you truly want because it probably doesn’t exist. That said, finding happiness is not an easy feat. Due to the inability to let go of what you can’t control, you might also feel a gray cloud over your head at all times.
The problem with chasing perfection is that you're literally chasing something that doesn't exist. That makes genuine happiness nearly impossible to find. Research shows that maladaptive perfectionism is correlated with life satisfaction, meaning the more you obsess over being perfect, the less satisfied you are with your actual life.
6. You experience imposter syndrome
Distorted comparisons to people who are not on the same level cause another facet of disappointment for perfectionists. The International Journal of Behavioral Science found that 70% of people fear they will be exposed as a fraud despite the evidence that they are totally competent. This is particularly common among perfectionists who feel that they continually fall short and suffer from immense self-doubt.
Isabella Pacinelli is a writer and marketing manager who covers astrology, spirituality, love, and relationships.
