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Take note.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Oct 16, 2022
Thomas Edwards is known as the real-life Hitch. Like Will Smith's character in the movie, Edwards is a professional wingman who helps single men and women develop their social skills, dating self-confidence, and lifestyle strategies.
He also founded a company called The Professional Wingman, and he's one of the most sought-after dating and lifestyle consultants in the industry.
His expertise has been featured in Men's Health, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Playboy, The New York Times, People and The Steve Harvey show, and he kindly agreed to talk to YourTango about why certain women appear unapproachable for men.
Here are the brutal reasons guys aren't hitting on you, ladies, according to a 'professional wingman':
1. You have a low approachability rating
Edwards says, "This rating will determine not only how many guys approach you but also their quality. There are many things that make women approachable, but I believe the most important ones are what she's wearing, where they're positioned in a given venue, whether or not they're smiling, who they're hanging out with (if applicable), and her general body language."
2. You don't venture out of your comfort zone
"The guy [a worthy and wonderful guy] she's looking for exists outside of her comfort zone, so it's important she meets him there, which means doing things she may typically not do, or not want to do," Edwards advises.
3. You're being too understated
Edwards explains, "Guys need overt visual cues to know not only whether or not they're good to approach, but if you're open to it. It's no surprise that men are very visual, so what you might think is a subtle cue, the man sees as non-existent."
4. You panic when there's eye contact
"One big thing I see women do often is they'll look around for a cute guy, and when eye contact is made they freak out, not only causing their facial expression to change but also making the guy feel they're not interested. This also happens when women are in mid-thought, as their facial expression tends to be more serious and less approachable."
You don't have to be awkward to behave in an awkward manner. So ladies, try to relax when you're out looking for that special someone.
5. Your arms are crossed
Crossed arms rarely, if ever, convey the right message.
"Another social cue I see happen often is the crossing of the arms. We're all victims of this. If we don't feel comfortable in a given situation or environment, our bodies trigger a defense mechanism to try to recreate that comfort as quickly as possible. The problem with that is guys perceive this as women being uncomfortable with (read: uninterested in) any guy approaching them."
6. Your body language is not welcoming
Edwards explained the acronym SOLD that he learned from body language expert Blanca Cobb, which he says is perfect when it comes to women wanting to get guys to interact with them.
SOLD stands for Smiling (women who smile more get approached much more than women who don't), Open body language (showing comfort with her own body and the environment she's in), Leaning or Listening (leaning toward what we're most attracted to), and Direction (actually facing the person you're interested in).
Most importantly, you need to relax and be open to new places, new experiences, and new people. The Professional Wingman knows what he's talking about. He's used his own advice and is happily married to a woman he met using some of his own techniques!
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Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and astrology lover. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman's Day.