If You Use Any Of These 6 Phrases, Experts Say You Probably Sound Emotionally Stunted
These common phrases may be sending the wrong message about your emotional maturity.
insta_photos | Canva You want to make a good impression, you want to be liked, you want to make connections with other people, but for some reason, the attempt to socialize falls flat in failure. "What went wrong? Was it something they said?" echoes in a degenerative feedback loop in your mind as you overanalyze their words, phrases, movements, and gestures.
You keep looking for the source in the other person's actions and words, and come up clueless. Wait a minute, was it possible you repeated a habitual phrase and unintentionally broadcast your emotional immaturity?
Here are the phrases experts say make you sound emotionally stunted:
1. 'La-la-la'
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If you've ever witnessed an adult chanting this while possibly covering their ears, you're observing a textbook display of emotional immaturity, advises Dr. Gloria Brame. This behavior signals several concerning dynamics: an inability to process uncomfortable truths, a refusal to engage in necessary conversation, or worse — an attempt to mock you by implying your words are meaningless noise.
While we might expect this shutdown tactic from elementary school children, when it occurs during adult interactions, it reveals something more troubling. The person has resorted to childish regression rather than mature communication!
They're essentially announcing that they lack the emotional resources to handle the conversation like an adult, so they're borrowing a child's strategy instead — pretending that by not hearing something, they can make it disappear.
2. 'Whatever'
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Pouting and withdrawing from arguments are common strategies of the passive-aggressive person, author and educator Anna Thea notes as a form of emotional immaturity. Passive-aggressive behavior comes from a person's belief that expressing anger directly will only make things worse.
The passive-aggressive person uses phrases like "fine" and "whatever" to express anger indirectly instead of communicating in a direct and emotionally honest way.
It often represents an indirect way of expressing frustration or anger without directly addressing the issue, creating a subtle resistance or disapproval while appearing compliant on the surface.
Findings from a 2022 study also suggest that individuals who engage in passive-aggressive behavior might hold distorted beliefs about being controlled or unfairly treated, leading them to express anger indirectly.
3. 'You always/never...'
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Executive soul coach Carolyn Hidalgo says using always or never in an argument will usually convey a sense of immaturity due to the absolutist thinking behind the words' meaning.
A 2018 study of absolute vocabulary in online mental health groups found that "absolutist thinking underlies many cognitive distortions and irrational beliefs. Absolutist thoughts are independent of context and unqualified by nuance. Absolutist, dichotomous thinking style can predict future depressive relapse."
Everyone has a different capacity and level of consciousness to see, hear, and understand. And because of these differences, everyone is doing their best in any situation.
Remind yourself that whoever you disagree with, everyone is operating from their own best state of awareness. You don't have to like or agree with someone.
4. 'It's not my fault'
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Saying, "It's not my fault," or "it's your fault," is something psychologist Sharon Saline watches out for. Fault blocks accountability and honesty, which are two traits of maturity.
"If you are not connecting positively, you will negatively. Anger and hostility also reflect a deep connection, just not a productive or pleasant one. If these activities are tough for you because there’s too much blame or resentment, I encourage you to seek counseling for more support. "
5. 'That wasn’t so bad, was it?'
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This phrase can invalidate a person's feelings and experiences as if they were trivial, points out confidence coach Michele Molitor. When someone's feelings are consistently dismissed or minimized, they may believe their emotions are invalid, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth and personal value.
A 2019 study showed that individuals who experience frequent invalidation may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-harm or substance abuse to manage their emotions.
6. 'I, me, my'
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Marriage coach Susan Allan explains how many children only think about themselves, so an adult's repetition of phrases that begin with "I, I, I, I, and me me me me!" will make them sound emotionally immature.
Every time you meet a new person, you have an opportunity to create a new successful "stream" in your life, either for dating, business, family, health, or wealth, depending on that person's skills and connections. That makes every new person a gold mine, but only if you know how to connect and be much more than likable.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
