9 Personality Traits That Show You’re Naturally Assertive — And People Respect It
Dean Drobot | Canva Can you learn how to be assertive? You know, that person at work, the grocery store, or the gym who is self-assured and confident, but not aggressive? The person who is kind, sincere, and able to form bridges between people? This person demonstrates assertiveness.
Assertiveness is a critical life skill and a learnable one. But, assertive people are not necessarily born that way. Rather, they value communication and are willing to work on improving their communication style and habits.
Here are 9 personality traits that show you’re naturally assertive — and people respect it:
1. You carry yourself with subtle confidence, not arrogance
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You know who you are, what you like, and what you dislike. You value yourself, but not in an "over the top," arrogant way. You're confident in your opinions, yet you do not believe that you're superior. You recognize that you, too, have strengths and weaknesses.
A 2022 study found that humble people have full awareness of their strengths and talents while also recognizing their limitations. The researchers explain that true humility actually involves self-confidence and assertiveness rather than self-doubt or downplaying yourself.
2. You value yourself without diminishing others
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You welcome all opinions without judgment. You don't criticize people whose opinions are different from yours. You also know how to manage rejection. Your behaviors align with your conscience. You don't make decisions to simply receive approval from others, but rather to be consistent with your values. Like everyone else, you would like to be acknowledged by others. However, if this doesn't happen, you don't fall into the rabbit hole of acting against your conscience.
3. You actually listen instead of just waiting to talk
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You're able to tune into people when in conversation with them. You're not distracted thinking about your reply while pretending to listen. University of Central Florida researchers discovered that active listeners create more satisfying conversations and are rated as more skilled communicators. Their study showed that people who genuinely focus on understanding the speaker rather than just sitting there planning their response build better rapport.
4. You find middle ground
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You recognize shades of gray and that few things in life are "all or none." You are not looking to be the "winner" — because there is no battle. Research shows that problem-solving negotiators who balance assertiveness with empathy were rated as effective 75% of the time compared to just 40% for adversarial bargainers. The difference came down to flexibility and understanding the other side through listening rather than viewing every interaction as a win-lose situation.
5. You validate other people's emotions, even when you disagree
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When in conversation, you're aware of people’s feelings. You know that it's insensitive to dismiss their point of view or get into a boxing match. Your overall ability to communicate is excellent. You know that problems are often due to miscommunication and that improved communication can resolve many problems.
According to Harvard Medical School psychologists, validation is about showing you understand someone's feelings and perspective without necessarily agreeing with them. When people feel validated, they become less upset and more open to input, which helps resolve conflicts and strengthens relationships.
6. You say what you mean and mean what you say
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Beliefs, not benefits, motivate you. You don't seek or remain in relationships with ongoing conflict. You value good relationships — sans the hypocrisy or lies. Researchers studying assertiveness found that honest expression fosters authenticity and builds trust in relationships. People who communicate assertively express their thoughts clearly and respectfully without being pushy or manipulative, which reinforces their self-worth.
7. You admit when you're wrong without your ego taking a hit
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You recognize that all people, including yourself, are human beings. To be human means to be flawed. None of us is perfect. You are well aware of this fact and use your own "flaws" as motivation to become a better human. A 2022 study explains that humility involves accurate self-assessment with awareness of both strengths and weaknesses. People with genuine humility can openly acknowledge what they can and cannot do without resorting to self-deprecation or losing their confidence.
8. You stay calm when others try to push your buttons
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This is the ability to remain in a "zone of tolerance" with difficult emotions. When you feel emotions such as anger or frustration, you process them in a calm and controlled manner. You don't lash out or otherwise improperly express your feelings. You're also able to help other people remain in their zone of tolerance, so that they, too, don't lose control of their feelings.
9. You say no without over-explaining
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You recognize that not everyone is going to get along — that's how human nature works. Others may have built up resentments or harbor negative desires. You recognize you aren’t necessarily going to change that. Instead, you know where and how to draw a line. You also recognize that not everyone will necessarily like you.
It would be rare for someone to innately possess these characteristics. As humans, we all have work to do on self-growth and personal development. Being aware of how assertiveness would look, sound, and feel in your interactions is a great place to start.
Dr. Elayne Daniels, NHSP, RYT, is a renowned psychologist and professional speaker on the topics of body image and mental health. She has been a featured guest on local radio, television programs, and a variety of blogs.
