People With Exceptionally High Levels Of Emotional Negativity Usually Say 11 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Ekaterina Byuksel | Shutterstock We've all been around someone who is high in emotional negativity when talking about pretty much everything. Regardless of who it is, when you have to sit idly by and listen while they complain it can be exhausting.
This isn't just annoying, it's bad for you. Research has even shown that complaining changes people's brains, negatively affecting the person listening, too. And while most emotionally negative people don't always realize they're doing it, it's something that needs to be addressed.
People with exceptionally high levels of emotional negativity say these 11 phrases in casual conversation:
1. 'It's not fair'
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Understandably, people may have a lot to complain about with the cost of living at all-time highs. Surely anyone struggling will say "It's not fair" to express their frustration from time-to-time. However, there's a difference between saying this once in a while and saying it anytime any little thing goes wrong.
They never know when to ignore their negative thinking and instead put themselves in a self-defeating situation, as negative thinking can lead to depression and anxiety.
To avoid this, complainers need to shake that negative mindset. Whenever they find themselves thinking negative thoughts, they should try to find the positive. For example, instead of saying things aren't fair, they could say, "Yes, life is hard right now, but I'm grateful to have such a good support system."
2. 'Why does this always happen to me?'
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We've all gotten stuck in a state of emotional negativity before. It's totally human. Perhaps it's being late to work or experiencing a series of unlucky events.
But chronic complainers will see it as something personal against them, rather than bad luck that happens to everyone sometimes. They find a way to go to the extreme and often sound rude, while normal people try to be more level-headed.
Complaining causes stress, and stress can even cause the hippocampus to shrink. Knowing this, complainers should do their best to get out of the habit. Licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi suggests that people need to look at the core issue of why they're complaining. Do they feel trapped? Are they stressed? What is causing them to complain and how can they alleviate those stressors?
3. 'People will always let you down'
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One of the saddest things people with high levels of negativity say is "people will always let you down". There are many other variants, like, "all men are dogs" or "all women are golddiggers". The connecting tissue between these statements is the believe that people are inherently selfish and bad.
Not only is this a deeply negative thing to say about yourself (you are, after all, "people"), it also creates a negative energy that others can sense. That means positive and hopeful people are probably not interested in hanging out with them.
Next thing they know, they truly are surrounded by people who will let them down, men who act like dogs and women who are golddiggers. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, just like so many of the others on this list.
4. 'I can't seem to catch a break'
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Most people are overworked in this economy. It's harder to find full-time work and things like gasoline and health insurance just keep getting more expensive. No wonder we feel burned out!
Though this statement might be valid, it doesn't change the fact that indulging your emotional negativity will get you nowhere. Instead, complainers should shift that helpless thinking and channel it into something good for their mental health. After all, research from the International Journal of Nursing Studies found that taking care of oneself leads to improved well-being and an overall lower risk of mortality.
5. 'I have the worst luck ever'
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People with high levels of emotional negativity often say they have bad luck, but this is usually an excuse that keeps them miserable. Too often, this allows them to avoid accountability, as this supposed bad luck could be a direct result of their actions.
Maybe they feel exhausted because they didn't get enough sleep, and because of that they didn't perform well at work. Rather than grabbing a cup of coffee or making it a point to get more rest the next night, they blame it on luck and refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions.
Instead of saying it's luck that's at fault, complainers should reflect on their actions and make better decisions. Otherwise, they will never grow or learn from their behavior.
6. 'I'm so tired of this'
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Chronic complainers often use the phrase "I'm so tired of this," especially when they feel stuck in the same cycle and patterns. They seem to have zero clue they have hte power to change these patterns.
Rather than keeping themselves in the same patterns, complainers can address the issue first to figure out what choices they are making that keep them stuck. And if they find that there's no room to change, they may want to seek out professional help.
7. 'Nobody appreciates me'
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Hard-working people have high hopes that all their effort will get them far. Unfortunately, challenges will always pop up and if you live with extremely high levels of emotional negativity, you'll probably struggle to handle them.
For example, if a person has been working hard, but their boss doesn't seem to notice, they should ask themselves, "Should I continue trying hard, or do I put in the effort I'm getting paid to do?" They need to figure out if it's worth it, or if they should change course.
They may find that overworking themselves isn't in their best interest and can make a decision on how to move forward from there.
But if they assume this is just how it always is, they'll keep themselves stuck and miserable. They're always thinking people are overall always going to treat them unfairly instead of solving the problem.
8. 'Nobody understands me'
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It can feel lonely in this world sometimes, especially when we've spent years facing a loneliness epidemic. It's easy for highly negative people to feel like nobody understands them, but this often boils down to assumption.
Many people wrongfully assume that their loved ones couldn't possibly understand what they are experiencing, and according to a study from Annals of Behavioral Medicine, feeling alone can lead to an increased risk of mortality. People who complain constantly need to realize that the negativity is likely contributing to that sense nobody gets them.
Besides seeking professional help (which they probably should do!), they should open up to those closest to them. They should share how they feel and get vulnerable.
Even if it starts out discussing small things, opening up is a lot better than willingly shutting down. They may find that people can understand them and relate once they leave some of the complaining behind.
9. 'The universe has something against me'
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It's normal to feel like life is out of control, but there's a huge difference between complaining once in a while and complaining in such a deep way, people who struggle with emotional negativity make it seem like nothing will ever be good again. And when we say things, there are ways in which we make that real.
Whether you believe that "the universe is always listening" in a magical way, giving you what you ask for (directly or indirectly) or that your negativity invites negative people and passive behavior, this profound complaint is a bit of a curse upon yourself.
Instead of passing blame to forces beyond their control, they can seek out a support system for guidance and figure out where they can take accountability. Though they can't control what life throws at them, but they can control how they react to them.
10. 'This is taking forever'
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Patience is a virtue that many people don't have. We're a society set on instant gratification and, as such, whether it's waiting for a website to load or standing in line to check out, anything that inconveniences people is frustrating.
Chronic complainers tend to say "This is taking forever," no matter if they need to wait five minutes or just a few seconds. They become increasingly impatient and expect people to rush for their benefit. While it's normal to want to feel heard and understood, as a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that feeling misunderstood predicated higher stress, lower life satisfaction, and lower motivation, words are impactful and can make a situation worse for themselves and others.
11. 'Why can't I just have a normal day for once?'
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In our daily lives, people experience disruptions every so often. Maybe it's experiencing a PR nightmare at work, kids being unnecessarily unruly at home, or a partner shirking too many responsibilities that all make life a little tougher.
Frustrated, they rhetorically ask why they can't just have a normal day for once. But saying they never have a normal day is a bit of an exaggeration. Wait, no. It's a big generalization.
According to clinical psychologist Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D., "Exaggeration poisons the process of argument because it leads to emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that disrupt collaborative problem-solving. There are two main reasons: Overstatements are inaccurate, and they are usually insulting — a terrible combination."
So, when someone says they never have a good day, they focus so much on the negativity that they lose sight of what they can do to make a bad situation better.
People should keep in mind that thinking in extremes is more harmful than good. By switching this complaint out with "I had a bad moment, but not a bad day," it slowly rewires the brain to think more positively.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
