People Who Secretly Envy You Almost Always Use These 11 Passive-Aggressive Phrases
My Agency / Shutterstock We’ve all experienced moments of envy at some point in our lives. It can be hard not to compare ourselves to others as they succeed. When it seems like success comes easily to someone, it can be hard to hide our jealousy. If you notice someone making comments that feel passive-aggressive, you may be the person they feel this way towards.
You can tell if someone is jealous of you in the way they speak. Their comments may be delivered like a compliment, but there is a jab in there as well. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way to say something. If someone is jealous of you, they may not tell you directly. You’ll have to read between the lines. If something they say stings a little bit, they may be jealous of you. Whether they want you to know or not, they are comparing themselves to you. Your success may make them feel inferior.
People who secretly envy you almost always use these 11 passive-aggressive phrases
1. ‘Good for you’
pocstock via Canva
When someone says ‘good for you’, you may think they are complimenting you. It can seem like they are genuinely happy for you. However, if you notice a bit of sting from their words, it’s clear they are being passive-aggressive. The comment may feel like it’s drenched in sarcasm. They are playing it off like it’s not a big deal, but in reality, they are jealous of your success.
The truth is, an envious person struggles to celebrate others’ success. When they compare themselves to someone else, they feel less than. If someone else is achieving goals they wish they could, they may play it off like they’re happy for you by saying ‘good for you,’ when in reality, they don’t mean it.
2. ‘I wouldn’t have done that’
Pressmaster via Canva
If you do something you are proud of, you will want to tell people in your life. When you share, and they reply, ‘I wouldn’t have done that,’ it’s hurtful. If they are being passive-aggressive, they may try to play it off as if they are giving you genuine advice. However, you will be able to tell they have bad intentions. In reality, they could be envious of you. They see your success and are trying to bring you down to make themselves feel better.
“At times, we can experience this tendency to compare ourselves to others, which can result in a sense of ‘I’m not enough’,” explains Rachel O’Neill, Ph.D. "To some extent, that tendency to both self-compare, as well as to feel inadequate, is natural. It becomes complicated when individuals start to feel bad about feeling inadequate or jealous.”
3. ‘You’ve changed’
Konstantin Postumitenko from Prostock-studio via Canva
As you become more successful, you may change. It is part of life. Your priorities may be different, and you may have less time for friends. If someone tells you that you’ve changed, they may be envious of your life. Instead of supporting you, they may wish you were still at the same level as them.
In reality, jealousy can bring passive-aggressive behavior. When someone is jealous, they may have low self-esteem. They no longer see themselves in you and want to bring you down a peg to make themselves feel better. You may be living a life that they envy. They can try to pretend they want the best of you, but they may have ulterior motives.
4. ‘That must be nice’
Motortion from Getty Images via Canva
Passive-aggressive behavior can take many forms. Backhanded compliments are a good example. If you are sharing something with someone and they reply, ‘That must be nice,’ it may become clear that they do not actually feel that way. Instead, they may be showing their jealousy. Being envious of someone’s life isn’t out of the ordinary. It happens a lot. However, when someone tries to cover it up with backhanded compliments, it can be frustrating.
Sharing an accomplishment and being met with this phrase is difficult. It becomes clear that they are not actually happy for you. It could be a sign that they are jealous of you.
5. ‘Don’t let it go to your head’
Budgeron Bach from Pexels via Canva
If someone is secretly envious of you, they may make comments that sound like jokes but have an underlying meaning. ‘Don’t let it go to your head’ can sound like a playful comment. Sometimes, I’ll say this phrase to my friends in jest. However, if someone says this to you and it feels personal, it could be that they are saying it in a passive-aggressive way out of jealousy. It is not a joke. There is a jab buried there.
If you feel this comment isn’t a wink, wink, nudge, nudge moment, trust your judgment. You may be able to tell that they are speaking out of jealousy. It’s important to trust your judgment in moments like this.
6. ‘I don’t know about that’
Konstantin Postumitenko from Prostock-studio via Canva
Imagine you are having a conversation with someone. You share something with them. It could be an idea you had, or something you pitched at work that got you a lot of praise. Whatever it may be, it’s something you are proud of. Instead of supporting you, they reply with ‘I don’t know about that.’ They could pretend like they are giving you advice or trying to help you expand your thought process. In reality, they may sense your success and act passively-aggressively out of envy.
There is a dark side to some people who feel jealous of you. They could intentionally try to bring you down. Sometimes, it’s something you shouldn’t brush off. If someone’s comments are getting under your skin, the jealousy could be taking a toll on you. It’s okay to step away when you feel this way.
7. ‘You should really…’
dimaberlinphotos via Canva
We all have experienced a know-it-all. No matter the situation, they feel they know what is best. It’s not easy to be around someone like this. It can be especially difficult if they become envious of you. Their words can come off as judgmental. They may try to sway you away from success by suggesting their know-it-all commentary.
If someone is trying to give you advice, you may see it as a positive thing. As if they are trying to lead you in the right direction. Sometimes, this commentary can come from a place of jealousy. Their intentions could be passive-aggression, not genuine advice from a good place.
8. ‘I wish I had that’
Jupiterimages from Photo Images via Canva
If you have a friend who says phrases like this, they could secretly be envious of your life. Whether you bought a new item or found a new partner, they may have a hard time celebrating your happiness. Instead of focusing on how your gains positively impact you, they are too busy comparing their life to yours. It makes them secretly jealous to watch you succeed. They may say something like, ‘I wish I had that’ to bring themselves into the conversation.
Instead of being happy for you, they are focused on how your success makes them feel. It’s not uncommon to compare ourselves to others. For some, they can take it to a whole other level where they begin to act passive-aggressively, seemingly out of nowhere.
9. ‘You’re always so busy now’
RgStudio from Getty Images Signature via Canva
If you’ve gotten a promotion or are in a new, happy relationship, your priorities may change. You may have less time to spend with your friends than before. A good friend will understand this and support you through your changing schedule. If someone is secretly envious of you, they almost always use phrases like ‘You’re always so busy now’ to make you feel bad about your changing schedule. They could be trying to make you feel guilty.
Instead of being happy for you, they find a way to make it about themselves. They may be critiquing your busy schedule because they are envious.
10. ‘You’re so lucky’
Africa images via Canva
I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to hear someone call me lucky. How are you supposed to respond to this? Sometimes, it can be a genuine comment. You will be able to sense if they are being thoughtful, not passive-aggressive. However, if someone is secretly jealous of you, they will struggle to be genuine with you. You’ll sense something is brewing under the surface.
“Those who assume your life and success have been effortless usually never get as happy for you as you’d expect, because, to begin with, they can’t see what’s notable about your accomplishments, growth, or progress,” says Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed. “In particular, those who feel ashamed about who they are, and hate their own lives, will only ever be able to myopically scrutinize your luck or privilege, even when they themselves benefit from advantages you’ve never been afforded.”
11. ‘Wow, you’re really confident’
2DESIGN via Canva
If you are sure of yourself, you radiate confidence. If you’re proud of yourself and your accomplishments, it will come out naturally. Someone in your life may comment on your confidence with an underlying jealousy. Jealousy may be rooted in poor self-esteem. When they feel inferior, confidence can turn them off. They may be jealous of who they are as a person and are making this passive-aggressive comment to get under their skin.
If you are self-assured, being called out for being confident may not get under your skin. However, if they have bad intentions, they are hoping this phrase makes you question your behavior. You may wonder whether you are being selfish or overly self-centered about your success. They may be looking for a way to get into your head.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
