Stop Feeling Envy & Focus On Yourself With These 3 Steps Instead

It's important to figure out why you're envious in the first place.

Stop Feeling Envy & Focus On Yourself With These 3 Steps Instead Mikail Duran via Unsplash

By Jane Evans

I’m sure that, at some point in your life, you’ve felt envy as you watched somebody else get something that you desperately wanted. The moment you see them get what you want, resentment overwhelms you and questions overflow in your mind. 

Why them? What did they do to deserve this? Why not me?

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Envy is one of the unhealthiest emotions that humans experience. So, instead of spending hours overthinking somebody else’s success, consider working through these three simple steps to stop your envious feelings.

1. Examine the roots.

Are you envious of your best friend who just married a loving partner? Do you resent a coworker for receiving a raise that you believe you should have earned? Or do you envy the strangers who slowly sip their coffee while you rush off to work?

Oftentimes, we envy others because we haven’t fulfilled our deepest needs. You don’t necessarily feel contempt towards your coworkers or loved ones, but you do feel angry because you haven’t yet accomplished your own life goals.


When you take time to examine your feelings, you’ll often discover the actual root of your envy.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Deal With Jealousy So You Can Stop Being Insecure All The Time

2. Define your aspirations.

Once you determine the root cause of your envious feelings, you can start to explore what changes you can make to reach your own goals.

What aspects of your personal and professional life do you feel that you lack? What dreams, wishes, aspirations, and goals did you leave behind?

Define your aspirations and jot them down so that you can think about them proactively. It’s time to take your life into your own hands and make some meaningful changes.


3. Learn from others.

Believe it or not, envy can provide you with an opportunity to learn from the very people who caused that green monster to appear. Talk to the people you envy and learn how they accomplished their successes.

After all, success doesn’t typically fall into our laps, so figure out what these successful friends and family members did to help “destiny” tip the scales in their favor.

When you hear some constructive ideas, jot them down so that you can apply them in your own life. Not all advice is one-size-fits-all, but with a bit of adaptation, your life may soon take a positive turn.

Although we sometimes let our negative thoughts and feelings take over us, we shouldn’t lose hope. If you struggle with envy, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. You just need to redirect your thoughts and approach the situation from a different angle.


So, the next time someone passes you up for a promotion or achieves one of your goals before you, try out these steps. You’ll thank me later when you reach your goals!

RELATED: 5 Productive Ways To Stop Feeling So Jealous Of Others (That You Can Use To Your Advantage)

Jane Evans is a writer who focuses on self-love, self-care, and health and wellness. For more of her self-love content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.