People Who Are Deeply Lonely But Won’t Admit It Often Say These 11 Things Casually
Some people feel deeply lonely, even in the midst of socializing.
silverkblackstock / Shutterstock When people experience deep loneliness, they likely struggle to admit this to other people and seek support from those around them. Instead of talking about their feelings of being lonely, they will say other things casually that help them to mask their loneliness.
This struggle to admit their feelings and seek help also stems from fears of being vulnerable, rejected, and feeling worse than they already do. It causes them to be emotionally unavailable and it makes it difficult for them to ever truly overcome their loneliness.
People who are deeply lonely but won’t admit it often say these 11 things casually
1. 'I'm fine, really'
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Although some people may feel deeply lonely, they may not want to admit how they are feeling. Instead of saying how they truly feel, they may casually say that they are fine, even when they are not.
A fear of seeming weak or needy drives them to say things that aim to cover up the loneliness they feel inside. However, this defense mechanism can cause them to avoid being vulnerable and emotionally available to others which makes it hard for them to overcome their loneliness.
2. 'I'm just tired'
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Instead of admitting how they feel, people who are deeply lonely may say that they are just tired. To mask the loneliness, protect their ego, and explain the exhaustion that results from emotional turmoil.
“You might toss and turn more, or have a tough time falling asleep if you're lonely. That can make it harder to focus during the day and put you in a bad mood,” explains WebMD. The loneliness will physically make a person tired, and although they may only say that they are tired, chances are there is something more serious that they are dealing with under the surface.
3. 'Everyone is so busy these days'
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People who are deeply lonely may say how busy everyone is instead of admitting their loneliness. By trying to cope with overwhelming feelings of loneliness, they will try to find an explanation for why they have been so isolated.
Projecting their problem onto other people makes them feel less at fault for their struggle and emotions. These people may even cancel plans on their own out of fear of being vulnerable. It is not that they do not want to be social, they just are not sure how to open up enough, therefore claiming that they never see any one because everyone is busy helps them defend themselves.
4. 'I'm used to being on my own'
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When someone feels deeply lonely but does not want to admit it, they may choose to say that they are used to being on their own. To shield their feelings of loneliness, they will try to make it seem like being on their own is by choice and that they are used to it and don’t mind it.
“Unfortunately, loneliness can be difficult to admit because it is not desirable. When they feel lonely, some people may feel ashamed or believe that if they are lonely, it’s a reflection of their worth or abilities,” mentions Take Root Therapy, a group of psychotherapists and art therapists who provide therapy and support to individuals. Instead of admitting the hit to their self-esteem that they have taken due to their loneliness, they will pretend that being on their own does not bother them.
5. 'I don't want to bother anyone'
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Saying they do not want to bother anyone is a deeply lonely person’s way of not actually having to admit how lonely they really are. Instead of putting them in the position to be hurt and misunderstood or be a burden to others, they will refrain from potentially bothering anyone.
While this person may feel like they are doing a service to the other people around them, they are actually hurting themselves more than they think and contributing to their feelings of loneliness.
Susi Ferrarello, Ph.D., a philosophical counselor, explained, “Putting ourselves in a position of emotional self-containment closes the door to what it means to be human — to yourself and others. In fact, in doing so, we prevent ourselves from bonding with others, feeling empathy, touching our own enthusiasm, and experiencing a number of feelings that help keep us alive.”
6. 'I just prefer my own company'
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To combat needing to admit their feelings of loneliness, someone who is deeply lonely may say that they just prefer their own company. This person may have a fear of being rejected by others and feel insecure about their abilities to overcome the social stigma of loneliness.
Instead of putting themselves in a vulnerable position to socialize and potentially be rejected, they will hide their loneliness and make it seem like they would rather spend time alone, anyway. This may also be their way of coping. They may hope that the more they say they prefer their own company, the more they will start to believe it and the less they will feel sadness from being lonely.
7. 'I'll just do it myself'
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When a person is struggling with deep loneliness, they may say that they will just do certain things themselves instead of admitting they want to feel connected to others. This could be due to their fear that others will confirm their low self-esteem beliefs and will end up rejecting them and leaving them feeling even more lonely than they already feel.
In an attempt to mask their loneliness with what others may view as independence, they feel protected from the vulnerability that it would take to open up about their feelings. They see this as being safer than potentially ending up in pain from other’s opinions.
8. 'I don't really have anyone to talk to'
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Someone who is deeply lonely will likely have a hard time feeling supported and connected to people, even if they are surrounded by people who care about them. This will cause them to commonly say that they really don’t have anyone to talk to about their feelings.
Although people do care about them, they may feel misunderstood or fear that deep down they really are not as accepted by others as much as other people tell them they are. Dr. Abby Medcalf, a relationship psychologist and author, said, “If you don’t feel accepted, heard, or understood, you can feel even lonelier surrounded by others than you would if you were alone.”
9. 'I figured you were busy'
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People who are deeply lonely but do not want to admit how they actually feel will likely say that they figured a person who they would potentially hang out with was busy. This is a defense mechanism that they use to try and protect themselves from rejection and having to be vulnerable.
Someone who is deeply lonely is also likely rejection-sensitive which can cause them difficulty in the connections that they have. Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, mentions that, “A rejection-sensitive person's fear of being rejected causes them to struggle to form new connections and to undermine their existing relationships.” This can cause them to get stuck in a cycle of self-isolation that only contributes to their feelings of loneliness.
10. 'I'm just going to go home'
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When a person is lonely but is not willing to admit this, they will often say in the midst of social interactions that they are just going to go home. This can be due to them having a hard time feeling connected to others, even when surrounded by them.
This may cause them to feel a deep sense of isolation that influences them to leave or avoid social interactions and go back to being on their own. They likely want to feel a connection with others, but they end up feeling more disappointed and lonely when they attempt to build connections with others and end up being misunderstood instead.
11. 'I've been feeling a little down lately'
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If someone is feeling deeply lonely, but instead of admitting it says that they have been feeling a little down lately, it may be their way of downplaying their loneliness. They will minimize their feelings to make it seem like they are not struggling as much as they are.
Feelings of loneliness and not feeling understood can cause a person to feel a low sense of self-esteem which makes them feel like their feelings are not validated. It is important to remember that feeling lonely goes deeper than just spending time alone. People who struggle with this likely feel disconnected, even when they are surrounded by other people.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
