People With These 11 Childish Habits Offend Those Who Are Emotionally Mature
Certain behaviors feel deeply exhausting once you’ve reached a higher level of emotional maturity.
Dmitry Tolmachev / Shutterstock Emotional maturity is about taking responsibility for your actions and feelings while also having the courage to communicate when someone doesn't. People who understand their emotions and know what they want value calm, respect, and honesty. This awareness makes them sensitive to behavior that feels reactive or even manipulative. When someone constantly blames others, refuses to apologize, or thrives on drama, you start to feel drained whenever you're around them.
When you have emotional intelligence, you can improve your relationships, boost your communication skills, and perform better in life overall. People who are immature often struggle to maintain these traits. These childish habits can upset emotionally mature individuals the most because they disturb the peace they have worked so hard to create.
People with these 11 childish habits offend those who are emotionally mature
1. Deflecting responsibility
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The first thing emotionally mature people lose patience with is someone who refuses to own their mistakes. When someone prefers to blame others rather than apologize, they give people a reason to steer clear of them. The opposite of an emotionally mature person is someone who feels more comfortable making up excuses, which shows a lack of self-awareness. Maturity means being able to say, “I was wrong,” without immediately turning defensive.
Dr. Aimee Daramus notes that, "Deflection is about protecting one's self-image instead of taking responsibility. If one feels guilty or inadequate about something they did, deflection pushes that feeling away by shifting the focus onto something else."
Once they realize that this is their first response when being accused of something, they can then take the next steps to help create a healthier response.
2. Making everything about them
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They show a lack of empathy and their true emotional immaturity when they turn any situation they find themselves in into their own personal drama instead of having a balanced, two-way conversation. Imagine you're telling your friend about an awful day of work, and right as you're getting into it, they turn the story into their own and completely disregard what you were saying.
You eventually give up on the conversation, and later the friendship, when you can't talk to them without constantly getting cut off as they try to talk about themselves instead. Being able to have someone who can just sit and listen, even for a couple of minutes, is something that many of us may take for granted until we come across someone on the other side of the spectrum who exhibits the childish trait of always thinking, "me, me, me."
3. Avoiding difficult conversations
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Have you ever talked to someone who completely ended up ghosting you when you tried to communicate a problem? This childish habit can get irritating fast. Emotionally mature adults understand that having difficult conversations can be uncomfortable. However, they still need to be had to maintain a healthy relationship with that person and even with yourself.
Ghosting someone or pretending that everything is fine when it's really not may feel like a good short-term solution, but in the end, it will only cause more damage. If you struggle with confrontation, that's okay! You can slowly learn how to ease yourself into a conversation that may be stressful or anxiety-inducing for you. Instead of completely ignoring someone, you can offer to talk to them once you're in a better headspace.
4. Giving the silent treatment
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Putting up a wall is not the way to keep a friend who is emotionally mature because it will not be tolerated. They didn't sign up to handle the emotions of a child. Using the silent treatment can also make the other person feel small or anxious, which gives the manipulator a false sense of control. Similar to the previous habit, instead of blatantly ignoring them, you can let them know that you're not in the right headspace to talk or that you need more time to process your emotions before engaging with that person again. Leaving someone in the dark is harsh and can easily be avoided as long as you can communicate your feelings.
Using the silent treatment can often be due to a lack of self-awareness. Dr. Bernard Golden says, "People may be confused or overwhelmed by their feelings and just want to show they are upset."
5. Needing constant validation
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It's always nice to compliment someone, but once they start fishing for it, it can get annoying and tiresome real quick. When someone needs constant reassurance, it often means they probably can't give it to themselves. These types of people seek approval for every decision, post, or conversation, which leaves others emotionally exhausted after being around them even for a few minutes.
One of the first things someone can do to break their cycle of needing constant validation is identify the kind of approval they're craving. Ask yourself if you’re chasing likes, praise, or reassurance, and then once you notice the pattern, you can start building confidence from within instead of relying on others’ approval.
6. Overreacting to feedback
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A critique of behavior doesn't necessarily equate to a personal attack, but emotionally immature people often struggle to separate the two. Instead of taking constructive criticism into account, however big or small, they can become extremely defensive, making growth impossible.
When you feel insecure or not good enough, any kind of critique can feel like an attack that you need to defend against. But when you’re grounded in yourself, feedback feels less like a threat and more like a chance to grow.
7. Gossiping and stirring drama
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Sure, who doesn't like a little gossip here and there, especially after having a couple of drinks, but when it becomes someone's whole world, then it might be a sign that you need to step back from that person. Those who are emotionally mature can draw the line between a little gossiping session and getting sucked into a drama-filled situation.
For people who thrive on chaos, peace can feel uncomfortable, and they might create tension to feel in control. Psychologists say this usually comes from anxiety and a need for familiarity, so stirring drama provides an unhealthy sense of power for them. When you find yourself having a conversation with people like that, it's important to engage as little as possible, stay calm, and keep firm boundaries.
8. Keeping score
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Have you ever been told, "Well, remember when you did this to me," after you tried to talk to someone about how their actions hurt you? This is a very common sign of emotional immaturity. Having these types of competitions is not healthy for any type of relationship, and people who constantly remind others of past mistakes create an environment of resentment.
If you find yourself holding grudges, you need to revisit that conversation during a separate time instead of conveniently using it as an excuse for your actions on a whole different topic. Being able to address one problem at a time is important to keep effective communication with someone.
9. Refusing to apologize
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Many confuse apologizing with weakness when, in reality, it's quite the opposite. Owning up to your mistakes and choosing to learn from them rather than trying to blame someone else is an easy first step to emotional maturity and towards healing.
The conversation could be going in circles when all the other person really needs is just a simple and humble, "I'm sorry." The stubborn pride of refusing to apologize can more than often keep conflicts alive far longer than necessary and even result in the death of a friendship.
10. Playing victim
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Since childish people hate to take accountability, they will do everything in their power to spin a situation so that they're always the ones wronged. Playing the victim can also help them gain sympathy from others while they view you as a monster, which is exactly what they want. It may work the first couple of times, but after a pattern is recognized, people will start to lose empathy towards them and start to take pity.
If you find yourself constantly blaming others for your problems or feel like nothing is ever your fault, it’s a sign to pause and reflect. Playing the victim often comes from low empathy and a lack of self-awareness. Try practicing empathy by truly listening to others instead of turning every conversation back to yourself.
11. Lacking emotional boundaries
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There are always people who, for some reason, think it’s fine to unload their emotional baggage during a casual conversation. They need to find a therapist who can actually help them instead of using you as one, and it's not wrong for you to tell them that.
If you ever find yourself stuck in an oversharing conversation, you have to stay kind but direct. Use humor or gently shift the topic after acknowledging what they said. If it feels like a serious boundary issue, don’t hesitate to shut it down or excuse yourself. You always need to protect your peace first.
Doreen Albuerne is a writer with a bachelor's degree in journalism who covers relationships, mental health, and lifestyle topics.
