People With Exceptionally Strong Social Skills Say 11 Phrases When Dealing With Stupid People
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock There's no way to avoid annoying people. They're everywhere, sometimes even in our own families.
The trick to dealing with people who are immature or rude is to have a few key comebacks on hand, and the best ones encourage self-reflection while shutting them down effectively. You don't want to sink to their level and say "you're stupid" or another petty insult. Your social skills are better than that. Instead, try these.
People with exceptionally strong social skills say these phrases when dealing with stupid people:
1. 'Let's try to keep our conversation focused.'
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Sometimes you need to stick up for yourself in conversations, especially when dealing with people who keep changing the subject. They seem like they just can't follow what you're saying, but you don't want to call them stupid.
Instead of urging them to resort to feelings of shame or embarrassment, redirect the conversation. Say exactly what you need to say and nothing more, nothing personal.
A phrase like this actively combats disruptions and urges people to actively listen and stay on topic, which can refocus on having a productive conversation. Then you can deal with the problem at hand and move on with out further drama.
2. 'That's interesting, but we should stay on one topic for now.'
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Interruptions to conversations can erode trust and respect in a conversation, regardless of your relationship with the interrupter, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin.
While they may not always be malicious in nature, interruptions can sabotage productive conversations, something brilliant people are always cognizant of when trying to usher in feelings of mutual understanding and value into a connection.
By using a phrase like this, you can still ensure an annoying person feels heard in a conversation (something everyone should be entitled to) and acknowledge their contributions, without veering off from a shared interest or goal.
Especially in high-stakes or stressful situations, like problem-solving at work or resolving conflict in a relationship, a phrase like this can encourage feelings of security that makes everyone feel more comfortable following a healthy conversation flow.
3. 'Can you explain what you mean by that?'
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Oftentimes the people we think are malicious are just bad at explaining what they're trying to say. These people often struggle with social situations because they're more focused on playing up a certain image than truly communicating their feelings authentically.
People with fantastic social skills are generally more aware of these insecure behaviors in annoying people, which can be irksome. Sometimes it feels like it might be better to be ignorant to other people's intentions! However, this gives them more of an opportunity to call them out and urge introspection.
Especially if they're acting overly confident or putting other people down , a phrase like this can help to humble an insecure annoying person who's putting on a show or being rude. It can also clarify things if that is not actually their intention, urging them to reflect on what they're saying and role they're taking in conversations.
4. 'I'm not sure I'm following'
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While the intentions may be good, a rude person often contributes distracting or unnecessarily controversial comments to a conversation. Sometimes this is designed to get attention, other times they're just not communicating well. Either way, asking for clarification can't hurt.
Whether it's a co-worker or a friend, use a phrase like this to encourage an annoying person to elaborate on their thoughts, making space for their voice to feel heard without unnecessary judgment or criticism that can spark irritability. Instead of letting their passing comments go unheard, encourage them to explain, making more intentional and thoughtful comments when they do speak in a conversation.
5. 'I hear what you're saying, but I don't think that's productive'
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Clinical psychologist Jennifer L Keluskar argues that while social interaction and conversations can sometimes be overwhelming, they're generally good for our emotional and physical well-being.
But conversations can oftentimes be overtaken by distractions from irritating or unintelligent people. While they're not often intentionally trying to sabotage the benefits of social interaction, annoying people divert everyone's focus.
By using a phrase like this you can acknowledge an annoying person's comments, while also redirecting the conversation. Will they get mad? Maybe. But when someone isn't able to keep up, you need to cut them off somehow.
6. 'I'm speaking right now'
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Everyone deserves to feel valued and respected in conversation. And when an unintelligent person makes rude comments or consistently interrupts a conversation, that respect is undermined.
Even though it may be uncomfortable to set that boundary and carve out the space you're entitled to in conversations, you need to do it. Otherwise you're just going to snap someday and call that person stupid. And, even if they are stupid (sorry, sometimes it's true), pointing it out won't help. Set the boundary, stop the chaos.
7. 'It's not personal, I just don't let people speak to me like that.'
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Sometimes, all an annoying person needs to healthily re-enter into a conversation is a reminder of your conversational expectations and boundaries in a relationship.
When you've established what you'll tolerate, people have much less space to take advantage of your kindness. They'll either stop stepping on you or they'll leave the conversation.
While they can be uncomfortable to communicate, advocating for your own social and emotional well-being is necessary to cultivate better, more fulfilling relationships.
8. 'What do you mean when you say that?'
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Too often, people who aren't smart or who are trying to goad you into a fight aren't expecting you to call them out in a calm way. they want a fight or for you to stomp away.
Even if it's intended to clear up misunderstandings and get everyone on the same page, a phrase like this can protect your own energy in a conversation. It can also show them that you are not going to play their fool. And with people like this, that's an important thing to get right out front.
9. 'Thanks for your concern, but we're on the right track'
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Especially in a professional setting, comments from annoying and distracting colleagues can be frustrating for everyone involved.
Sometimes, these comments can be a result of someone undermining you. But they can also be rooted in the other person's ignorance and awkward attempts to regain control.
By advocating for your needs and the need of the group, you encourage others to respect you. this not only protects your peace, it also intentionally carves out space for healthier connections and conversations.
10. 'Can we revisit this topic another time?'
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When an annoying person's comments are distracting others from a shared goal or prerogative, it's important for someone to step in with a comment like this to lead the conversation back to a healthy track. Sometimes, a person's comments are worth discussing, but there's a time and place for everything.
Especially in a heated argument or emotional discussion, it can be beneficial for everyone involved to use a phrase like this to redirect, suggesting that everyone take time to themselves and come back with a clear mind to discuss other topics.
Like a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests, alone time can help bolster better connections and conversation, encouraging people to regulate their emotions and reflect on their responses rather than speaking, arguing, and fighting without thinking.
11. 'I need to advocate for myself, so I'm going to stop you there'
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Experts from the University of Minnesota agree that it's not always going to be comfortable to be a fierce self-advocate, even in relationships with people you trust and feel comfortable around, but it's absolutely crucial.
Sometimes you don't need a sly way of quieting an unintelligent person, sometimes you just need to say what you mean out loud. You need to advocate for yourself, so you're shutting the bad behavior down.
This clarity can avoid resentful feelings, passive-aggressive comments, and unclear boundaries in the future. For those with strong social skills, it also earns them a ton of respect.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
