People Who Are Socially Awkward Often Develop 11 Habits That Make Things More Uncomfortable
inLite studio | Shutterstock People who are socially awkward tend to be uncomfortable in social situations, which can make them feel like they don’t know how to act in order to fit in. This can cause them to develop habits that make things more uncomfortable, without realizing it.
Everyone has unique quirks and incongruities, which is part of what makes people so interesting. There’s nothing wrong with being socially awkward, and there are even positive benefits to social awkwardness that are often overlooked, as long as you keep track of your responses and priorities.
People who are socially awkward often develop 11 habits that make things more uncomfortable
1. They unintentionally interrupt
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
People who are socially awkward often fall into a bad habit of unintentional interruption during conversations. Interrupting people is generally considered impolite, yet someone who is socially awkward might not even notice that they’re doing it, or how uncomfortable it makes people.
There are many reasons why someone might interrupt people. Often it's because they get excited about the topic at hand and want to share what they think. They might struggle to find the right time to speak, so they jump in without thinking. They might have trouble interpreting social cues, which means they don’t always notice the flow of conversation, so they cut other people off before they’re done talking.
Having casual conversations is an acquired skill and something that people can get better at with practice. A big part of being a strong conversationalist isn’t actually about talking, at all: It’s about listening. Learning how to be an active listener is the best way for socially awkward people to boost their conversation confidence.
2. They overthink social interactions
fizkes | Shutterstock
Another trait of people who are socially awkward is overthinking social interactions. People often feel socially awkward because they have social anxiety. According to the Social Anxiety Institute, social anxiety is the third most prevalent psychological disorder in the United States. They estimate that around 7% of the population has some form of social anxiety.
People with social anxiety tend to worry intensely about what other people think of them, to the point where it can sometimes be debilitating. They might not know what to say when they’re talking to someone, so they focus excessively on the next thing they’re going to say. Their overthinking can sometimes lead them to hesitate or stumble over their words, which can make them feel even more awkward.
3. They apologize frequently
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Socially awkward people can feel uncomfortable letting themselves take up space, which means they sometimes struggle to stay calm when they’re around other people. Because they’re so nervous, they have a tendency to over-apologize. They say they’re sorry when there’s nothing to actually be sorry for.
Repeatedly apologizing for things that other people would easily overlook may be endearing at first, but over time, it might make things more uncomfortable. Research also indicates that over-apologizing can lose respect or even trust in the apologizer.
Sometimes, their propensity for saying they're sorry makes people think they're being disingenuous, which is the opposite of what socially awkward people are aiming for.
4. They come off as rude
Aloha Hawaii | Shutterstock
It’s fairly obvious when someone was raised without good manners, but sometimes socially awkward people develop habits that make them seem rude. Their awkwardness might manifest by giving short, abrupt answers to questions, not because they don’t care, but because they just don’t know what to say.
They also might not read social cues well enough to know when to expand on what they’re saying, so they stop short, which can come off as impolite. They're doing their best, but these habits can make things more uncomfortable.
Socially awkward people are often perceived as lone wolf types, and sometimes, they get stuck in that definition of their personality. Yet social awkwardness doesn’t need to overtake the way a person sees themselves. By staying attuned to the direction of the conversations they’re a part of, they can shift the way other people interpret them.
5. They struggle with simple conversations
bbernard | Shutterstock
People who are socially awkward often struggle with simple, surface-level conversations because they seem boring or like a waste of time. This can create a habit of drifting off into distracted thoughts or jumping from one point to the next, which can make things more uncomfortable than they intended.
To remedy this, life coach Alex Mathers advises people to speak clearly and concisely and to rely on truly listening to know when people seem disengaged. You can review what the other person in your head to make sure you're staying on track, and even ask questions to keep yourself engaged.
“Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues," says Mathers.
6. They display nervous body language
pathdoc | Shutterstock
People who are socially awkward often develop a habit of standing or moving in ways that make them seem nervous. They often don't realize that this makes things more uncomfortable than they need to be.
For example, they may struggle to maintain eye contact, which makes others think that they’re not actually paying attention. They might fidget because they don’t know what to do with their hands or stand with stiff posture and tense shoulders.
Educator and social skills coach Caroline Maguire says, “Being comfortable in your skin takes practice,” she explains. “It’s humbling, and it means facing your anxiety more times than you may imagine.”
Of course, socially awkward people don’t have to completely change who they are. By taking note of how they act around others, they can adapt when it works for them in ways that feel authentic.
7. They feel uncomfortable in large groups
Studio Romantic | Shutterstock
Socially awkward people often feel extreme discomfort when they’re surrounded by big groups of people. It can be overwhelming to be in a crowd, and they may develop habits in groups that make things more uncomfortable.
Of these habits, they may prefer to stay separate from the group and sit alone, or to talk with just one person in the corner of the room, away from others. While the latter is great if the other person is also enjoying being apart from the group, people who are socially awkward need to make sure their conversation partner isn't uncomfortable. After all, they may want to be part of the group but not know how to break away from that one-on-one conversation.
It's totally OK for someone to feel happier hanging out with just one friend or a small group, but they also need to be careful they aren't making those unavoidable big group situations more uncomfortable than they need to be.
8. They overanalyze social etiquette
fizkes | Shutterstock
Having a strong understanding of social etiquette depends on more than just saying “please” and “thank you.” Being polite means showing up for people, and being respectful, generous, and kind, and socially awkward people may overanalyze whether they handled those interactions well.
They might express intense concern about following social rules, because they don’t want to seem out of place, but their obsession with etiquette can be off-putting to others. It can make them seem more uncomfortable than they actually are, because they have a hard time letting their guard down and relaxing.
They can easily get stuck in a negative feedback loop and criticize themselves harshly for making small social errors. The first step to break that loop, according to Healthline, is to step back and try to see how you're responding to your thoughts, instead of replaying the past.
9. They assume nobody wants to be their friend
fizkes | Shutterstock
Making friends can be a major challenge for people who are socially awkward. Yet pretty much everyone needs connection in order to survive and thrive. As relationship coach Jordan Gray explains in an article titled, How To Make Friends Without Being Annoying Or Awkward, “Social ties are the primary predictor of happiness.”
The problem arises when a socially awkward person falls into the habit of assuming nobody wants to be their friend. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing them not to reach out or grow potential friendships.
Gray shares that making new friends might not be a simple process, but it gets easier with practice. Techniques for making friends include going out of your way to prioritize fun, experimenting with new hobbies, and maintaining the bonds you already have with people you care about.
“Be interested first, then be interesting,” Gray advised. “And even better than being interesting is being vulnerable.”
10. They accidentally adopt the traits of others
LaFamiglia | Shutterstock
There's a double-bind that often presents for socially awkward people who are learning how to be more socially competent: they are told to look at what others are doing as a guide for how to interact, but when they do, they run the risk of copying or mimicking others without realizing.
As you can imagine, this becomes a habit that can make things more uncomfortable. It might look like they're being mocked or copied.
Instead of directly mimicking what someone else does in a conversation, in her article titled 8 Things People With Effortless Social Grace Do In Everyday Conversation, Maguire suggests treating conversation like a game of ping-pong.
"Listen for their contribution, answer their questions, and allow them to answer yours," she models. While this may seem simple, it can feel challenging at first if you're out of practice. But, just like anything else in life, it will get easier the more you do it.
11. They fidget frenetically
Krakenimages | Shutterstock
People who are socially awkward often develop tics or stims, which are described by CHOP as, "repetitive body movements or repetitive movements of objects" that help someone stay calm or focused when they're uncomfortable. These habits may make things more uncomfortable if the fidgeting is misinterpreted as someone being bored talking to them or like they're on-edge or aggressive.
The good news is that fidgeting and stims are better understood these days than they used to be, and often people are happy to talk to someone who is fidgeting, as long as they know why.
Saying something simple like, "Don't mind my fidgeting, it's just a habit, but I'm listening to what you're saying and totally interested" can help explain the behavior so it doesn't become unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
