People Who Prioritize Depth Over Distraction Possess These 7 Rare Traits
These individuals choose meaning — and it shows.
Los Muertos Crew | Pexels In 1995, Studio Ghibli, a Japanese anime company, released a movie called Whisper of the Heart. It’s about two high school students struggling with their artistic callings, their feelings for each other, and coming of age. In the film, Seiji and Shizuku find ways to prioritize depth in their relationship despite the distraction of dysfunction around them.
A fan of the film once extracted seven rules from the film and released them online. The source of the original list remains lost, but it has been making the rounds ever since. The rules are all quite simple, but much closer to timeless principles of people who prioritize deep conversations over mindless chatter and noise.
People who prioritize depth over distraction possess these 7 rare traits:
1. They've made peace with the past
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We all keep past versions of ourselves hidden somewhere, and every time we open them, we feel pain and suffering. We can’t change the people we once were, but we can make peace with them. Open the door and let in some light. Reconcile. Otherwise, our past will forever be a drag on our heels.
Life is but a series of fleeting moments, one forever chasing the next. The only place where you can live, act, and make a difference is the present. Today.
2. They let time heal
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Sometimes, you can’t find the power to move on immediately. Sometimes, you want to kick yourself. That, too, is part of life. What you can do is allow time to pass.
I know you want to just fix everything and move on, but if you stitch a wound poorly, it’ll get worse down the road. So take time. Take care of yourself, your health, your broken heart, and your broken parts.
Sometimes, even what heals leaves a scar. Those will be with us forever. The least we can do is let them mend properly.
3. They live by their own standards
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Most of our scars come from wounds inflicted by other people. Words can hurt us more than weapons. But it’s not your job to imagine what arrows people might point at you inside their heads. The majority will never fire.
Start by noticing how often you hang out in other people’s heads. Notice when you’re wondering what someone else is thinking. Notice when you’re worried about what they think of you. Once you catch yourself in someone else’s head, bring your attention back to your side of the fence — that’s where the actual helpful information is.
"Remind yourself that what they think is not relevant to who you are. Be ready — you will have to do this step over and over and over," recommended psychologist Suzanne Manser.
4. They let people be who they are
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Instead of taking shots at others, most people decide to draw up — and lose at — another imagined game: Who’s better? It’s a moot question. We have no idea what anyone’s story is like up to the page on which we meet them.
The less you compare, the bigger your capacity for empathy. Meet people on their terms. You won’t doubt yourself as much and be less prone to jealousy, which only leads to fear, anger, hate, and suffering.
5. They know when to let go
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If you’re not supposed to think about others, nor what they think, what are you supposed to mull over? What do you think of yourself? It’s fine not to think so much at all. Answers often come to you when you least expect them.
Make your choices. Choose a path. Be determined. Commit. But once you have, let the chips fall where they may. You’ll know when to take a different fork in the road.
6. They take ownership of their joy
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At the end of the day, what you desire most in life, only you can give to yourself. You already have everything. Right inside. Feel your heart. Point at your chest. There. That’s where happiness is.
We spend all this time looking for something we can’t see because it’s not there. The outside world is only as good as what you do with everything that happens in it. Are you cultivating your experiences? Cherishing them?
If not, it’s not fuel or oxygen that’s missing. Only you can relight that fire because it rests deep inside. Choose to kindle that flame. Protect it. Hold up its light. And let it shine for everyone to see.
7. They have meaningful impact on those around them
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Here we are, walking around, often choosing not to extend a simple, near-automatic gesture to uplift our fellow human beings. We choose not to smile, to make a small impact on someone else's day.
Whatever problems plague you in your day-to-day life, chances are, they’re not all that important in the grand scheme of things. We each have our challenges, but as long as you can smile, do it. Who knows who you’ll affect?
But be careful with your smiling and be sure it is authentic, as the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology cautioned, "Frequent smiling results in more well-being than infrequent smiling only among people who interpret smiling as reactive or reflecting happiness."
Smile and the whole world will smile with you, but only if it is coming from truly felt happiness.
Niklas Göke writes a daily blog for dreamers, doers, and unbroken optimists.
