Self

How To Stop Carrying The Weight Of Your Turbulent Past Or History Of Trauma

Photo: Austin Wade on Unsplash 
doubled image of a woman laughing in a hat

Do you find yourself stuck in an emotional landscape of your childhood or possibly old, unhealthy relationships?

Are you sometimes more at home in chaos and anger versus peace, calm and inspiration?

If you are carrying the weight of turbulent and emotionally charged experiences or behavior from your past, please know that there are ways to release this energy for good.

RELATED: The Surprises You Might Discover When Peeling Away The Layers Of Trauma

The power of connection and home

Recently we were visiting our son on the beautiful big island of Hawaii. My emotions were heightened because I had been missing him so much.

I couldn’t wait to see the smile that has brought me joy for over 16 years.

On the island, we walked to dinner on a narrow road adjacent to the beach. It was a five-mile round trip. On my last day, I walked the familiar route on my own.

I remember thinking, this feels like home.

It wasn’t so much the island that felt like home, but the familiarity of walking on a path. Feeling my body’s cadence aligning with the Earth’s energy is like coming home. Just as when I saw my son’s smile, I was reminded of home.

RELATED: How Trauma Affects Your Physical Body — 4 Steps You Need To Take To Heal

Seeking the familiar

Our mind naturally seeks what feels familiar. This includes people, emotions, and behaviors. The more stress in a person’s life, the more they look for the familiar, a place they can predict or possibly control future outcomes.

What feels like home to you?

The need to be outside, feeling the air, sun and Earth, is deeply woven into my world. Hiking on trails is an important part of my life structure.

This is the foundation of my healthy, high-vibrational physical world.

My healthy emotional and spiritual world is my practice of meditation, prayer, and writing. All of these habits calm me down and feel like home.

RELATED: 11 Little Habits Of The Strongest, Most Resilient People

How to form healthy habits that lead the way 'home'

Of course, I have some unhealthy habits that in times of stress, can feel like home. In my childhood and other relationships, I mastered the art of shutting down and keeping the world at bay.

In other words, it can be difficult for me to stay vulnerable and present. I still occasionally retreat as I learned in my childhood.

The first step to healing is having an awareness of what needs to heal. It’s just as important to identify the many parts of your life that are already healthy and highly vibrational.

Do you know what your healthy physical habits are? Do they bring a feeling of familiarity and calm?

This will be something that brings awareness to your body.

It might be as simple as sitting outside on a rock, while your feet touch the ground. Possibly it’s swimming in the ocean or riding horses.

1. Find your emotional home

This is doing something that brings you joy. It could be baking, photography, or some other nurturing experience that holds the energy of a safe, protected space.

Do you know what your healthy spiritual home is?

This is where you honor your highest power and have gratitude for your spiritual team.

When pondering the points below, think of things that are independent of other people and electronics.

RELATED: If You Can't Stop Thinking About Something That Happened To You, You Might Be Experiencing Trauma

2. Look for the places you seek to escape stress

Think back to the last time you had a very stressful or emotional event.

How did you handle it? Did you revert back to an earlier time of your life? Did behaviors and reactions born in old relationships direct your actions?

Know what causes you to feel unsafe and stressed out. Start a journal and keep track of what sets you off.

Know your most common reactions to stressful times.

What’s your way of coping or self-protective behavior? What are your deepest fears? Are they from your childhood?

Notice how your dialogue shifts in stressful times. Are you confrontational, and at war with the world? Possibly you shut down and don’t communicate at all.

Do a quick check and see if any of your relationships are keeping you stuck in the past. An example of this might be a relationship that brings up your old fear of not being enough or having to prove yourself.

RELATED: 4 Subtle Ways Childhood Trauma Affects You As An Adult (Even If You Think You're Over It)

3. Build a new foundation

Now that you have identified your healthy and unhealthy behaviors, you can construct a new foundation for your life.

Begin creating a healthier you by weaving in your healthy habits every day. Allow these healthy habits to become your go-to place when feeling stressed.

Recognize these behaviors as healing and soothing for your entire being. It may take some time to get these new patterns fully ingrained into your life.

The unhealthy part of your foundation is the low-vibration behaviors you turn to in times of stress. They might be hidden from the outside world until you are provoked.

It is these little secret fears, beliefs, and habits that keep you from fully living a vibrant life.

If you were able to identify some healthy and unhealthy behaviors, that is a huge step in your transformation.

RELATED: 8 Ways To Break Bad Habits That Interfere With Your Life & Career

Ready to change your world?

You are now aware of what is familiar and feels like home to you. Perhaps you found some things you didn’t want to identify with.

All of this information can change your world if you consciously decide to practice your healthy coping behaviors; even in stressful times.

The more you choose your healthy coping skills, the sooner they will become familiar and comforting. One day you will notice that you are using self-care skills you didn’t have decades ago. This is both healing and intentional living.

I am home on the desert trails again. Fall has arrived and the hot air balloons are taking flight once again. I am inspired to explore my unhealthy behaviors. Most were learned a very long time ago.

I find myself monitoring the vibrations and colors of my emotional home and landscape. Change is constant, and resistance to change is futile.

Living with an awareness of when it’s time to release old patterns and beliefs is growth. 

RELATED: 10 Essential Coping Secrets For When Life Feels Overwhelming

Polly Wirum is a psychic, writer, and spiritual coach. She specializes in helping others discover their truth as they let go of old habits, fears, and beliefs that keep them stuck. 

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This article was originally published at Polly Wirum's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.