People With Highly Introverted Minds See The World In 12 Ways That Totally Confuse Extroverts
Natalia Blauth | Unsplash Introverts: we’re the so-called misanthropes, loners, or lone wolves of society. However, truthfully, we’re not antisocial or weird. Being an introvert doesn’t mean we are particularly shy or unapproachable, though we can certainly come across that way. If you are an extrovert who is confused by introverts, there are some things you should know.
People with highly introverted minds see the world in 12 ways that totally confuse extroverts
1. Being an introvert means we're not as social as you
We will avoid crowded places, and on some weekends, we won’t want to go out at all. But we’re not unreasonable. Just because we don’t want to go out doesn’t mean we will hold you back if you want to. Just don’t try to force us when we don’t want to be in a crowded room or social situation.
Therapist Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., explained, "Many people mistake extroversion for friendliness, but introverts can be just as social and warm. The difference is in how we restore ourselves. It's not about hating people. It's about needing to return to yourself."
2. We’d rather communicate over text
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Please don’t call us. Avoid this unless you have a good reason for doing so. Likewise, make sure to give us a heads up so we don’t send you straight to voicemail. And when you do text us, please skip the small talk texts — we hate them. Small talk in person is bad enough.
3. We crave meaningful conversations
We prefer deep, one-on-one conversations because it’s how we form lasting bonds with others. Again, small talk feels like a punishment to us. We crave depth and conversations that make us truly think. Introverts know something researchers have backed up: Well-being is related to having less small talk and more substantive conversations.
4. We stink at keeping constant communication
If you need constant validation or attention every minute of your day, then an introvert might not be your ideal partner. We could take a few hours or a whole day to reply to your texts or phone calls. We aren’t ignoring you. We just don’t need constant conversation.
5. We like to get to know people on a deeply personal level
What are your fears? Passions? Deepest secrets? How did you get that scar? Where do you see yourself in ten years? These are the questions we like to ask. We want to get to the nitty-gritty of who you are and know everything about you.
6. We need a lot of alone time
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We really don’t mean to hide away from the world, but we just require time alone to decompress and boost our energy levels. So, if we pull away for a few days, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. We need to take all our attention inward. Please, just be patient.
Introverts understand what research has shown: Mindfulness-based practices reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. An introvert's alone time to focus inward is part of their self-care routine.
7. We don’t open up very easily
We often keep our feelings inside because sharing them makes us feel too vulnerable. Thus, you have to be patient with an introvert and offer your love and support. We will open up eventually, as long as you make us feel safe.
8. We prefer one-on-one quality time
We prefer quality one-on-one time over hanging out with you in a group. Hence, we really cherish the time you spend with us without any distractions.
As overthinkers, introverts know the negative effects of rumination that studies have shown can lead to depression. Introverts know that quality time socializing with their preferred person helps keep negative rumination from spiraling out of control.
9. We sometimes live in a fantasy world
As introverts, we live inside our heads. That’s our escape from the mundane everyday life. Our escape could be playing a sport, writing, reading, or listening to music. We often get lost in our own thoughts.
10. We like to take our time
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We put a lot of thought into everything we do. Also, we prefer to take things slowly to understand and get comfortable with the person. But once we get comfortable with our feelings, there is no going back. We will become the most romantic person you’ll ever meet. Just give us time to get there.
Dr. Brame elaborated, "If you find yourself unavailable more often than most people simply because you're committed to maintaining your personal rhythms, that's your introverted nature insisting on the boundaries it needs to thrive. Routines create predictable pockets of solitude and self-care. Introverts need consistent rituals to manage limited social energy."
11. We want to make you happy
We know we are different and don’t expect you to be just like us. But we will do our best to make you happy. We may ask you too often if you feel good about the relationship, since your happiness is important to us. We want to know we are doing our part to meet your needs.
12. We love hard
It takes us a while to commit to a relationship, but once we’re in, we’re all in. We have chosen you as one of the few people who see our inner selves. We will love you very deeply. Since we love being alone, we are extremely mindful of who we spend our time with.
If you’re really someone special, we’ll want you as a big part of our world. Dating an introvert can seem a bit overwhelming at times, because we approach life differently. However, it can provide a wonderfully rewarding relationship. Go into it with an open mind and patience — you’ll be glad you stuck it out.
Mitzi Hernandez is a freelance writer whose work has been published in El Sol de México, Thought Catalog, Unwritten, El Heraldo de Chihuahua, El Sol de Zacatecas, and more.
