People Who Don't Respect Anyone Else's Time Or Energy Usually Say 10 Things In Casual Conversations
Krakenimages | Shutterstock Everybody needs a strong support system. When someone is going through hard times like a breakup or a job loss, having someone to lean on can sometimes make all the difference in keeping their sanity in check.
Unfortunately, there are those who pretend to be reliable but are actually just out for themselves. They take what they need and leave others high and dry. To spot the, watch for signs that they don't respect other people's time or energy by looking for a few tip-offs in what they say.
People who don't respect other people's time or energy often say these 10 things in casual conversation:
1. 'Trust me, I'll do it this time'
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After disappointing their loved ones, unreliable people look for quick ways to bandage up the situation. Refusing to think clearly or admit when they can't be of help, they'll make false promises and say that they'll do it this time, even if they don't really plan on it.
So, while saying, "Trust me, I'll do it this time," might sound like they're truly committed to it, refusing to follow through with their promise will likely make the situation worse, leading to the end of an otherwise good relationship.
While they may just be flaky, if they wanted to, they would follow through. That's how you know they don't respect yours (or anyone else's) time.
2. 'Sorry, it slipped my mind'
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Listen, everybody forgets stuff from time to time. When tensions are high and life becomes busy, it's easy to forget people's small promises, like taking out the trash. However, while nobody expects perfection, always making the excuse of forgetting isn't going to work.
For starters, nobody forgets every single promise all the time. Sure, being forgetful occasionally might be normal, but constantly forgetting is a sign of weaponized incompetence, which doesn't go so well in the grand scheme of things. Things like weaponized incompetence due to not doing their fair share of chores in the household can cause serious mistrust.
3. 'I'll get to it when I'm ready'
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There's no worse feeling than asking someone for a reasonable amount of help and being met with the "I'll do it when I'm ready" speech. In an ideal world, people will jump as soon as their partner says to wash the dishes or cook dinner. But depending on what they're doing, they might not be able to get to it right away.
Even so, there's a vast difference between someone who uses this phrase because they don't have time or because they don't value your time or emotional well-being.
Someone busy will almost always do it after their time is freed up and can explain when and where. But for someone unreliable? Well, they'll continue to do what they've been doing and push the responsibility onto someone else.
Yet, this type of behavior will only get them so far, especially in romantic relationships, as resentment will inevitably grow. According to the Gottman Institute, resentment falls under contempt, which is the leading cause of divorce.
4. 'I was too busy'
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Understandably, people sometimes get busy, and they don't always have the time to follow through on responsibilities or the promises they've made. Still, reliable people don't use the excuse that they are too busy, they take accounabilitly and find ways to do what they said they would do without making excuses.
On the flip side, a phrase used often by people who don't respect your time is "I was too busy to get to it." What they're saying is, "Other things were more important than what I agreed to do with you."
When someone says this, it's natural to feel rejected! Unless the person's higher priorities make sense (their children, their spouse, a non-negotiable work event, family emergency, etc) it can be incredibly hurtful to be last on someone's list of priorities.
According to the American Psychological Association, feeling rejected tends to increase anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness which is just not going to build a healthy relationship, friendship or even working relationship. You'll always feel like someone's wasting your time, after all.
5. 'I thought you already knew'
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Instead of coming up to someone and confirming or being upfront about what they can or can't do, people who don't respect your time or energy will actively choose to take on tasks they can't complete or communicate when something doesn't work out. Often they'll lie or shift blame by saying they assumed you knew it wouldn't happen.
See, they count on these misunderstandings to free them of the responsibility to be accountable. Molly S. Castelloe, Ph.D. has a doctorate in psychology and explains that "Blaming relieves one of doubt and ambivalence. It restores self-cohesion. A collapsed personhood is suddenly reinstated and inflated with self-righteousness." Showcasing why people will go so far as to blame others.
6. 'I'll make it up to you'
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"Don't worry, I'll make it up to you later," is a big sign someone is going to let you down, especially if it's not paired with an apology and a plan to actually follow through on that accountability.
If you're wondering if someone respects your time enough to follow through on something like this, ask yourself this: Are they the type to go out of their way to show up for that next appointment or to take you out for a make-up date? If not, they're probably going to be this way for a long time.
7. 'I wasn't sure what you wanted'
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Immature people often wrongfully assume that they know what someone else is thinking. This is probably why they are baffled when the person in question isn't on the same page. This is why communication and being clear and communicative are so important and how you know someone doesn't respect your time or energy: instead of asking what you want, they assume.
In the work environment, this is dangerous as it can easily increase toxicity in the workplace. And in relationships? With enough time, couples can break up as one party doesn't feel heard or valued enough by their partner to simply ask what they want or to clarify expectations.
8. 'I didn't think it'd take that much time'
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Depending on others is unavoidable sometimes, no matter how independent we think we are. This is probably why there's no greater frustration than an unreliable person's inability to keep their promise.
As hard as people try to control their surroundings, others sometimes can cause them to stumble occasionally, and that's understandable. But as long as they don't make it a habit, most people will choose to forgive and trust them again after a bit of persuasion.
That being said, unreliable people are different from the rest. Because they cannot step outside of their own selfishness, they push other people's needs to the last minute. As a result, when you hear "I didn't think it'd take that much time" time and again, it's not just bad luck, it's poor planning that doesn't consider your time or energy.
9. 'I just need more time'
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It's okay if someone needs an extra hour or a few minutes to finish up before helping others or joining in on a group task. Still, there comes a point when saying, "I need more time," becomes a bit old.
For instance, when someone unreliable uses this phrase and doesn't keep the promise, they essentially say this to push their responsibility toward you further out. This isn't just disrespectful to the other person, it's also stunting the unreliable person's growth when nobody calls them out for it.
According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., "[W]hen we don't take our own legitimate share of responsibility, we run the danger of losing a sense of our own power or sense of control over our own actions." A study published in 2023 backs this up, finding that this is important, as feeling a sense of agency over ourselves leads to greater competence, even when taking responsibility for negative behaviors.
So, while unreliable people might believe they won, they ultimately rob themselves of their ability to grow within their own competence, making them dependent on others.
11. 'I didn't think you'd care'
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When someone has zero respect for your time or energy, they don't bother asking what you want or how you'll feel about something. They assume they know, and usually their assumptions benefit them in the end.
When someone is emotionally intelligent enough to respect other people's feelings, they ask for clarification so they don't waste your time. It's as simple as sending a quick text and saying, "Are you OK if we push our meeting 30 minutes?" instead of just updating the calendar invite, for example.
In the end, not asking for clarification and biasing their guesses toward what they want rather than asking is not going to help them in their relationships and even their overall happiness.
According to one study in 2022, there's a strong correlation between happiness and emotional intelligence. So, if someone feels unhappy and even like they're the victim of all their social and romantic interactions, it's highly likely that they're part of the reason why. They are showing disrespect for the other person's valuable resources, and few healthy people are going to stick around long to see if they'll change.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
