People Who Don’t Need To Hear 'You’re Doing Great' All The Time Usually Have These 5 Distinct Personality Traits
Olly | Pexels This morning, I was reflecting on a decision I needed to make. As I did so, I stopped myself from my default mode of self-doubt and considered what I truly wanted, and what I needed right now. And I made a choice for myself that gave me peace. How do you make decisions? Do you trust yourself?
Sometimes, trusting yourself can be difficult, especially when you're not used to doing so. Do you find yourself asking others for their opinions or deferring to them? Have you learned to turn off your internal guide, perhaps after years of criticism? Are you the type of person who needs to hear 'You're doing great' all the time to feel good about yourself? Have you done what others have told you to do to feel safe? Even though you've grown into a capable adult and surrounded yourself with people who love and accept you, childhood patterns can repeat themselves across the lifetime.
What you may not realize is that giving your power away can cause anxiety and depression — even physical illness. Research found that low self-awareness combined with high sensitivity to others actually predicted both depression and anxiety. People who struggled to trust their own judgment and constantly looked to others for guidance were at higher risk for mental health problems. So, how can you tap into yourself and learn how to trust yourself — the only one who truly knows you and what you need? You need to nurture these distinct personality traits to become more self-assured and less reliant on other people's validation.
People who don’t need to hear “you’re doing great” all the time usually have these 5 distinct personality traits:
1. They talk to themselves gently
Ask yourself:
- In what situations have I looked to others for answers?
- What beliefs do I hold about trusting myself?
- In what ways have I pushed aside my heart's desires because of fear?
- Who were my role models for trusting oneself?
- When have I relied on my own guidance? What happened?
Awareness is the starting point to shift your behavior.
2. They make decisions independently
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Narrow your authority. Pretend you are alone on a deserted island and avoid contact with others while you make up your mind. Don't fear that you will make a mistake. Remind yourself that progress is not perfection and that fear only exists in your mind. Write out and speak aloud some affirmations:
- "No one knows me better than me."
- "I make clear decisions for myself."
- "I have the answers."
- "My own counsel is wise."
3. They turn inward for guidance
Ignite your creative ability to solve your own problems. You can do this through a guided meditation practice or just take a few quiet minutes to ask the universe a question and listen to the response it provides. Feel the answer in your body, in your gut, and in your breath.
One study found that people who meditated were able to solve way more problems than those who didn't, and it wasn't because they were more relaxed. It was because staying alert and watchful during meditation helped them think more clearly.
4. They're open to advice, but trust their own read on things
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People close to you speak from their heart magnet, and they may have their own fear-based beliefs. Someone neutral can help you uncover your needs and desires and open up possibilities. Ultimately, you will be the expert on you.
Working with a mentor or coach can push you past your own limitations in ways friends and family often can't. Research found that a mentor's ability to encourage people to think beyond their comfort zones was one of the biggest factors in helping them actually grow and reach their potential.
5. They're tuned into their inner world
Notice when you trust yourself. Then, reward yourself. In doing so, you will rebuild your cognitive pathways, and you will be more likely to repeat the behavior — neuroscience says so.
It doesn't hurt to surround yourself with people who are positive, too, and who reinforce your intentions. Opinions need defending. When you connect to your inner guidance, you engage your heart, higher thinking center, and whole being; it just feels right.
The best gift you can give yourself is a sense of peace amidst the uncertainties in life. Trust yourself and your decision-making ability, and you'll get what you need — and more.
Lisa Petsinis is an ICF-credentialed life and career transition coach. Her bylines have appeared on Psych Central, The Good Men Project, Parade, Prevention, The Minds Journal, PopSugar, and All4Women, as well as many others.
