12 Painful Reasons Your Life Isn't Where You Want It To Be

Thoughts that hold you back from becoming a stronger person.

Man overthinking his life, self reflection Dean Drobot | Canva

Editor's Note: This is a part of YourTango's Opinion section where individual authors can provide varying perspectives for wide-ranging political, social, and personal commentary on issues.

There have been many moments in my life when I felt terrible, weak, and victimized. But here’s what I learned: Like the slight nudge of the joystick on a plane, you can divert the course of your life by thousands of miles with a tiny shift in mindset. The nudge you need is not to fall into the following traps.


Here are 12 painful reasons your life isn't where you need it to be:

1. You’re obsessed with your past.

Your past seems real, but it’s nothing more than an idea. Ideas get people on the moon. Ideas can also limit you in powerful ways. If it suffocates your present-day joy; you must find a way to detach from the past.

RELATED: How To Stop Hating Yourself For Things You Can't Control

2. You think you need ‘fixing.’

Don’t believe the hype sold to us by psychologists. You don’t need fixing. You only need to grow and learn. Spending time worrying about your "inadequacy" holds you back unnecessarily. You have everything you need to navigate life with intelligence.




3. You think you’re nothing like your ancient ancestors.

"It’s like the 2020s! Times have changed!" you shriek. But the truth is that evolution is a slow process. Little has changed regarding what lights us up and keeps us alive. You may want to cover up your danglers in public, but beyond that, do as your ancestors did for optimal health.

4. You believe all your thoughts.

Thoughts are tools. They are not facts. When we believe a made-up lie in our heads, we’re being foolish. Please stop allowing your mental estimations about life to dictate what’s true. You will waste time and do regrettable things. Use thoughts as tools, not as your fortune-teller.

RELATED: My Toxic Trait Is Negative Self-Talk


5. You think worrying is intelligent.

Worriers often cling to the belief that grinding on visions in their heads is helpful. It does nothing of the sort except weaken you physically and make you think even worse thoughts. Try little, empowering steps. Be courageous, and do not worry.

6. You treat your body with disrespect.

Processed junk is such a regular feature of our diets that most of us are clueless about how good we can feel when we eat what we’re supposed to eat. The body is a sensitive instrument and continually signals to stop fuelling your body with diesel when it needs unleaded.

12 Reasons You Hate Yourself And Will Continue To Suck At LifePhoto: runzelkorn / Shutterstock


RELATED: Why We Need To Start Treating Our Bodies Better

7. You don’t move your hips.

Many of our worries and stresses are locked in our bellies and hips. We have scary moments in life and seize up. So when we sit around all day, we never allow the tension to release. Get moving and thrusting like a parakeet in heat.

8. You think you are the stories you tell yourself.

"I’m just a naturally lazy kind of person." No, you’re not. You just think you are. You are not your stories. Your stories were molded over years of self-criticism and listening to the opinions of others as though they have authority. You are everything behind your story.

9. You think others can influence your worth.

If we could internalize this one idea, our lives would transform in surprising ways. Forget the law of attraction. You’re not getting what you want because you’re scared of what others think. When you realize that other people’s judgments can’t do a thing to your illusory sense of worth, you’ll be strutting about like He-Man in no time.


10. You believe the media is a valid authority.

11. You think bringing others down is empowering.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. "Alex, aren’t you judging us here? Aren’t you bringing others down with your tone?" Look beyond the words. I’m teasing you to lift those of you ready to hear the message. We’re all connected. So by striking down another, you strike yourself.



12. You keep making things about you.

Things always go sour when I take things personally. Why is that? If someone criticizes my work and I go into pouty sulk mode, that’s taking something personally. We make it about us when it’s about the work. Life taught me a major lesson when I experienced the joy and relief from finally thinking of myself less. It isn’t about you. When we let go and turn towards making art and helping others, we become more of ourselves anyway.

RELATED: 10 Easy Ways To Become A Better Version Of Yourself


Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.