Mom Teaches Kids To Fit Into Her Lifestyle Instead Of The Other Way Around To Make Them Less 'Selfish'
The switch to family-focused parenting changed everything.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock A mom shared her controversial parenting approach that makes her children less selfish, while also helping her to take better care of herself.
When you become a parent, it's all too easy to lose yourself in your new role, and often self-care gets lost in the shuffle of diapers, bottles, and playdates. However, this mom shifted from child-focused to family-focused parenting, and it made all the difference.
A mom said she teaches her kids to fit her lifestyle instead of the other way around to make them less 'selfish.'
Mom of three, Sadie Golden, explained that when she first became a parent, her life revolved entirely around her kids. "[I] went from thinking about me, because I'm not a mom, to only thinking about my child and everything my child needs. And in turn, that created this child-centered universe," she said.
But when she shifted to a family-focused philosophy, everything changed. Now, Golden fits her kids into her lifestyle, instead of disregarding her own wants. For example, she takes her children with her on outings, whether she's going to the grocery store or to get a haircut. This, she said, makes her kids less selfish because they understand that everyone has needs.
This change has also allowed Golden to take better care of herself. She's now able to run errands with her kids in tow, even when those errands are solely for her benefit.
The mom said she takes her kids with her everywhere.
If Golden wants to get a manicure, she takes her daughter with her. If she wants coffee from a café, her kids come along (and get a sweet treat). Of course, they would likely rather go to the park, but they are learning that life involves doing things for other people.
"I'm able to explain to my children, 'Sometimes we do things for you, sometimes we do things for me, sometimes we do things for the family. And that's how it's going to be,'" she said. "So if you don't want to go to Home Depot and look at plants, sorry. I want to, and that's what we're gonna do. And tomorrow, maybe we're gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese for you."
Family-focused parenting creates less selfish and more resilient individuals.
Kids are innately selfish beings. Of course, it's not malicious or even intentional — they simply don't yet understand perspectives outside of their own. Family-focused parenting gently teaches kids an important lesson: the world does not revolve around them.
bbernard | Shutterstock
Child-focused parenting, on the other hand, does no such thing. Psychology Today defines this method as parenting "organized around the needs and interests of the child, rather than those of the parent." It was popularized in the 90s and quickly became the norm; however, it tends to create less resilient and more selfish kids.
"Child-centered parenting runs the risk of producing entitled, narcissistic children who lack the capacity to persevere and cope with difficulty," Michael Mascolo, an author and Professor of Psychology, explained. "This is because there is a fine line between being 'loving' and being 'indulgent.'"
This does not mean you should completely ban activities tailored to your kids. Go to the park, hit up a children's museum, and plan those playdates. Just don't let your entire life revolve around your kids. Adults have needs, too.
"If you really want your kid to be a responsible, good, and capable human, it's all about role modeling," Dr. Jenny Woo, the founder and CEO of Mind Brain Emotion, told Business Insider. That includes modeling self-care and boundaries.
Audrey Jaber is a writer and associate editor with a bachelor's degree in journalism.
