Men Who Cheat Usually Display These 7 Subtle Behaviors Before You Discover Their Betrayal
Infidelity rarely comes from out of nowhere.
Drew Hays | Unsplash If you suspect your boyfriend or husband is having an affair but you're worried he will think you're being paranoid if you ask him about it and you're wrong, there are specific clues you can keep an eye out for as you decide whether or not a confrontation is warranted.
Keep in mind that even if one or more of these red flags apply to your situation, it is entirely possible he could have a reasonable explanation that has nothing to do with you, another woman, or anyone else. But the best offense is a good defense, and if a difficult conversation must be had, you'll want to be prepared to rationally and calmly present him with clear examples of the behavior that has led you to suspect he is being unfaithful.
Men who cheat usually display these 7 subtle behaviors before you discover their betrayal:
1. He changes his hygiene habits or routines
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When you have been in a relationship for a while, you get to know each other pretty well. Yes, of course, you know his favorite band and he knows your favorite perfume, but I'm talking about stuff like him knowing what time of day you generally head to the shower after work and you knowing how long he's willing to wait before taking off his tie when he gets home from work.
When the timing of these everyday occurrences suddenly shifts — and for no plausible reason — that's when your Spidey Senses should be on alert. What makes this part of infidelity particularly unsettling is that these aren't dramatic or obvious transformations. They're usually shifts in the small details of daily maintenance that most people don't consciously think about.
2. He becomes markedly less interested in being intimate
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There are many reasons people in a relationship start being intimate less frequently or even stop being intimate with each other altogether that have nothing to do with infidelity, but if the change in his libido appears sudden or his manner of saying "not tonight" comes off as harsh or abrupt, trust your gut that something is up and approach him gently for a conversation about it.
Worst-case scenario, he will admit to you that he's cheating, and you'll both have to deal with it. Best case scenario, he'll explain that he's just been working too hard on a project and not getting enough sleep lately.
There are multiple possibilities between those two extremes. Either way, when your intimate life changes dramatically, it's something to discuss before too much time passes and you find yourself discussing it ten years later in a conversation about whether or not you should break up or divorce.
3. He starts having unusual bouts of jealousy
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One of the ways some men unintentionally reveal they've been cheating is by suddenly becoming jealous. He may be acutely aware of the shady things he's doing and is projecting them onto you, or he could be trying to stay on the offensive by accusing you of things he knows he is guilty of, so that you'll feel too defensive to question him.
No matter the psychology behind it, watch for this one closely, especially if your boyfriend isn't typically a jealous kind of guy.
Sometimes a guilty conscience waves the biggest red flag of all. So if he's questioning you about your work, bestie, Steve, in a super weird way, he may just have something cooking in the company kitchen over at his own workplace.
4. He gets angry quickly and for seemingly no reason
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When people feel guilty about something they've done wrong, they will sometimes flip the script and lash out in anger in an effort to distract themselves and others from their unethical behavior.
It makes sense that such distractions could work in theory, but in reality, all it does is draw attention to the fact that something fishy is going on with you.
Again, as with everything here, there can be other valid reasons people sometimes become more irritable that have no relation to betraying their partner. But again, if your partner's having serious mood swings and you don't know why, it's something specific you can talk to him about.
5. Increasing levels of secrecy
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Her: "Where were you last night?"
Him: "Out."
Her: "With whom?"
Him: "People."
Her: "Any people I know?"
Him: "Maybe. I gotta go."
When talking to your boyfriend or husband about his day-to-day becomes frighteningly similar to asking a teenager how their day went at school, something is up, and that something might be cheating. What other reason could a guy possibly have for keeping such mundane details of his life a secret from his partner, right?
(Side note: Some men seriously love keeping secrets just for the sake of it. They love keeping stupid ones for stupid reasons, and unfortunately, relationships end because of that all the time.)
If a man insists on keeping his own little secrets from you because he thinks that's the only way he can "maintain his identity" or something, you need to run.
6. He starts spending more and more time with his phone
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When you first start seeing someone these days and you tend to stay even more glued to your smartphone than usual. Constant phone calls. Constant texting. Emails. Social media stalking and sharing.
It's a delicious and dizzy time. I mean, it's sickening to anyone who has to watch as you do it, but for the people involved in the budding romance, it's the dream of dreams.
If you notice the man in your life is spending increasing amounts of time with his phone and he's being secretive about what he's doing on it or about who he's texting or talking to, there's a chance he's experiencing that wonderful giddiness — with someone other than you. Red flag, ahoy.
7. He starts spending less and less time with you
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For a relationship to work, you have to spend time together so you can release those feel-good hormones like oxytocin.
If the guy you are in a relationship with isn't spending as much time with you as he used to and you know it's not because of his job or another transparent and easily understandable reason, he might be spending that extra time with another special person.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.
