The Lie That Keeps Potentially Successful People Trapped, And 7 Ways To Escape
Portra | Canva As a cognitive scientist, Dr. Maya Shankar knows the obstacles that stand between people and their dreams. She also knows how people overcome them.
During an episode of the Getting Open podcast, Dr. Shankar told host Andrea Miller that most successful people fear change. After all, things have worked well for them thus far, and they're afraid that if they don't maintain a high level of control over everyone and everything that surrounds them, it could all fall apart.
This isn't only true for successful people, it affects the rest of us, as well. Even for those of us who are happy in our day-to-day lives, who don't have huge dreams, it can be scary to let go of control. To find peace, the people who succeed in career as well as in their relationships, learn how to let go of control and allow things like hob losses, health setbacks, and relationship shifts to help them grow and innovate new solutions.
How to escape the lie that keeps successful people trapped:
1. Understand the illusion of control
We believe we are safer when we think we have control. The truth is, the world is mostly out of our control, no matter how much power we may have. This is a part of what psychology refers to as the illusion of control.
As Dr. Shankar explains, "one of the reasons why change is so scary is that it is filled with uncertainty, and our brains are not wired to tolerate certain uncertainty well. This is a stentiment I think most people can relate to. But most people don't realize the extreme degree to which some people would take that need for control.
"There's a fascinating research study that shows we are more stressed when we're told we have a 50% chance of getting an electric shock than when we're told we have a 100% chance of getting an electric shock. We would rather be certain a bad thing is going to happen than to have to grapple with any ambiguity," she told Miller.
See, all humans crave knowing how the story will end. This makes us decide to take all the shocks, as long as we know they're going to happen, we can endure. It's nonsensical, but it's a reminder that our instict is to choose the illusion of control, even when it doesn't make much sense.
2. Allow change to create a revolution
Dr. Shankar understands what is so scary about change, but insists that a simple reframe can help people break through barriers to their own success.
Yes, she says, "change can upend, but it can also reveal things to us." For example, we assume we have a good understanding of who we are, but we don't know how much we can grow.
"Our understanding of ourselves is based on the very narrow and limited, somewhat random, and arbitrary data points we've happened to collect," she explained.
We use all these data points to create a place of comfort. Comfort is not a bad thing, but when we use it to resist change, we inhibit ourselves from a life of continued betterment.
3. Let change expand your idea of who you are
Dr Shankar explains how "learning to better cope with uncertainty and find strategies and mechanisms for actually seeing change, not just as something to endure, but actually as an opportunity to reimagine who we can be to unlock new components of who we are that weren't visible before, and to imagine new possibilities for ourselves."
Change gives us a chance to access hidden or untapped parts of ourselves. We can discover new joys in life as well as new skills we never knew we had. Changes are life tests where we can apply what we have learned and learn about what we can become.
4. Allow change and challenges to unearth new, great parts of yourself
Change can reshape us and become an opportunity to reimagine who we are. It inspires us to ask ourselves a few questions that are a key stepping stone to greatness:
- What if I thought differently?
- What if my capabilities were actually even greater than I previously thought?
- What if I adopted new perspectives?
Change has the potential of opening up a world of possibility. "You're forced into this moment where everything is laid bare, and you're having to confront the full depths of who you are," Dr. Shankar explained.
5. Pressure test your ideas/beliefs
Change will allow you space to test your ideas, and some may fail. That is good. Failure is a great teacher.
We have to keep learning new skills and continue to challenge ourselves to actively work on difficult things, even if you know you will fail. Regardless of how uncomfortable the challenge is, testing your ideas and beliefs is a wonderful way of future-proofing your brain by keeping your cognitive functioning in good condition.
6. Open yourself up to new ideas and beliefs that are stronger
Dr. Shankar emphasizes the importance of being challenging in our beliefs.
"It actually changes our brains. So when we witness someone acting in a way that challenges our understanding of the world, it cracks open our own imagination about what might be possible for us," she says. But you have to be open those new ideas and believes.
Once you are open, change "gives us the ability to see problems in ourselves from new perspectives and new vantage points, and with a greater sense of optimism," she insists.
7. Reframe your anxiety about the future
"We tend to believe that who we are in this moment is the finished product," points out Dr. Shankar. "So right now, I'm fully packaged, ready to go. I'm done changing as a person, even though I've changed considerably in the past."
This bias is called the end of history illusion and explains how we can admit how we've changed in the past, yet we believe we have stopped changing today.
We often repeat the adage, "When one door closes, another door opens." However, Dr. Shankar has seen how a closed door is a clear indicator that a completely different and more aligned path is available. This is not another door opening but a whole new series of events and possibilities becoming possible. And that is both beautiful and revolutionary.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
