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He asked about her chest. She described her mastectomy.
By Rebekah Kuschmider — Written on Apr 11, 2022
Dating is never easy, and it can be even harder when you have had significant health problems that affect your self-confidence.
No one knows that better than Krista Dunzy who stepped back into the dating pool after undergoing surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation to treat breast cancer — all when she was only 25 years old.
So, when a guy on Tinder opened a conversation with her by asking about the size of her breasts, she wasn't just annoyed — she was angry and hurt.
She tried to talk to the man, who she identified as Jared, but he just insulted her in response. As a result, she took her story — and screenshots of his messages — public, and Jared's insensitivity went viral.
Who is Krista Dunzy?
1. Krista Dunzy received a shattering diagnosis.
Krista Dunzy was no stranger to the notion of breast cancer. Her mother survived the disease and a cousin died of breast cancer only a year before Dunzy's own diagnosis.
She discovered a lump in her breast from a self-exam when she was only 25.
Terrifying as it was, she summoned the courage to talk to her doctors and from there everything moved quickly. She was diagnosed with stage 2 ductal carcinoma — cancer of the milk ducts, which is one of the most common forms of breast cancer.
Her treatment was extensive. She had 16 rounds of chemotherapy and a month-long course of radiation, in addition to a double mastectomy.
2. She was very "timid about dating."
Dunzy said that she had abusive relationships in her past, in addition to the difficulties posed by her cancer treatment. She was using Tinder to try and meet a romantic partner, but she indicated that it wasn't something she felt confident about.
“I am timid about dating, because of experiences in my past,” she said. “But I also find joy and beauty in everything, in part because of all of my experiences.”
3. Krista Dunzy matched with Jared on Tinder.
Tinder matched Dunzy with a man named Jared who messaged her privately on the app. His opening line left a lot to be desired no matter who he was talking to. "You got big t***?" was what he said.
That's a terrible conversation starter in any circumstance and even worse when you're talking to a breast cancer survivor who is still waiting for post-mastectomy reconstruction surgery. But that is exactly what Jared said to Dunzy, much to her dismay.
4. She snapped at Jared.
After Jared barged into her DMs with his insensitive pick-up attempt, Dunzy didn't hold back. “You know what, Jared?” she responded. “The answer to your question is no. I don’t have any ‘t***’ at all.”
She told him in plain language about her cancer, her treatment, and her surgery. She even described the preparation for reconstruction she was going through in full detail.
“Right now I have tissue expanders in my chest,” she said, “that will be switched with implants down the road. Do you have any idea what it was like for me to read that message from you? I'm not TRYING to be a b**** but if that's what it takes for you to learn how you shouldn't treat women, then I'm cool with being a 'b****'."
5. Jared's behavior was a typical response from a jerk.
Jared, it turned out, was one of those guys who responds to criticism of his bad behavior by behaving even worse. He let loose with a string of insults that would sound familiar to just about any woman who has interacted with men online.
"Holy f*** you're an idiot," he opined. He then told Dunzy to "stop acting like a feminist that gets you nowhere in life," after telling her he hadn't even read her story and she's "crazy lol."
Dunzly clarified that this was literally the first time he had ever interacted with her. They had never met.
When Dunzy told him his remarks were "messed up," he said, "LOL because I make my own rules." He charmingly ended the conversation by saying "Dumb b**** eat my a**."
6. The moral of the story? Don't date guys like this.
Dunzy didn't take Jared's online abuse lying down.
She screen-shotted the conversations and posted them to Twitter, saying, "So this happened ... I'd really love it if Jared's mom, sister, grandma, aunties ... maybe just the entire family can see this. #DontDateJared #IWantJaredToBeFamous #BreastCancerSurvivor."
The post went viral and was shared thousands of times.
Dunzy explained that it wasn't the crude opening line that really bothered her, it was that Jared didn't even have the grace to apologize after she shared her story. He just acted even worse.
“Honestly, it was not even his opening line that made me want to do this,” she said. “It was his responses to what I told him. He could have dropped the whole thing after I answered, but he refused to.”
A Twitter follower commented, "As a cancer survivor, and a guy, I am all of the combined: empathetic, ashamed, angry, and disgusted. Since he makes rules for himself, we need to make our own rules, and make him feel disgusted for being him."
7. Krista Dunzy hopes to help others in the future.
Being an avenging angel of Tinder jerks is satisfying, but it's not what Dunzy ultimately wants to do with her life.
She is a member of the Muscogee Creek Nation and works at the Tribe’s headquarters in Okmulgee, Oklahoma as a receptionist in its Family Violence Prevention program. Her work is important to her and she hopes to go to college and continue on her path of serving native women.
“I want to go back to school and continue working for my tribe,” she said. “I want to help other women. I want to use my knowledge and empathy to help others.”
But her biggest goal is to be happy with herself, adding, “My goal is to be unapologetically me. Down the line, I’d be happy to marry someone who’s my best friend and have a family. But first I want to figure myself out more.”
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Rebekah Kuschmider has been writing about celebrities, pop culture, entertainment, and politics since 2010. Her work has been seen at Ravishly, Babble, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Redbook online, and The Broad Side.