8 Things People With Effortless Social Grace Do In Everyday Conversation
It's like they innately know how to make others feel comfortable.
Oktavianus Mulyadi | Unsplash Juggling the many aspects of having social grace can be hard. Sometimes, we talk and talk without really engaging with the other person. We talk at them rather than with them, and then we experience, shame, embarrassment, and rumination — replaying the interaction for days. What is a reciprocal conversation?
When two or more parties engage in back-and-forth communication that develops into increasingly extended conversations, it's called a reciprocal conversation and it tends to benefit both parties. This give-and-take manner, back and forth engagement enables a person to effortlessly make conversations feel natural without trying too hard — while navigating awkward moments smoothly.
Here are 8 things people with effortless social grace do in everyday conversation:
1. Kick it off
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Face the person you want to chat with and stand about an arm’s length away. Research shows that approaching someone, rather than passively waiting, demonstrates an initiatory and engaged approach. When combined with other elements of nonverbal communication like a warm smile, appropriate eye contact, and an open posture, it can create a positive first impression and convey social grace.
2. Read the room
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If someone's talking to someone else, it’s good to wait until they’re finished. A sign that they are ready can include looking at you.
People with social grace also initiate by asking a question, such as, "How have you been?" Everyone loves to share their story. Observing and interpreting social cues before starting a conversation is crucial for displaying social grace and fostering positive interactions.
Social cues encompass a wide range of non-verbal signals like facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and eye contact. A 2023 study explained that being attuned to these cues allows individuals to better understand others' emotions and intentions, thus facilitating smoother and more meaningful interactions.
3. Let people talk about themselves
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Here's a secret socially-savvy people know: People love to talk about themselves. To start, say hi and say their first name, if you know it. For example, "Hi Mike."
People with social grace follow this with something general, such as "How are you?", "Been anywhere fun lately?," "What have you been up to?" or "How are the kids?"
4. Treat it like a game of ping-pong
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Listen for their contribution, answer their questions, and allow them to answer yours. According to a 2023 study, this dynamic demonstrates respect, facilitates smooth communication, fosters positive perceptions, and reflects essential social-emotional skills, all contributing to a more harmonious and engaging social experience.
5. Pick up on subtle cues
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Ask questions to help engage the other person. A 2022 study argues that failing to recognize a lack of interest can lead to social awkwardness or even negatively impact future interactions with the person. Being attuned to subtle cues like limited eye contact or engagement with other activities can signal a need to change the topic or politely conclude the conversation, preventing these missteps.
6. Find mutual interests
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Try talking about things that you know the other person likes as well as things that you like. For example, video games, tv series, sports, etc, are easy to talk about.
Steer clear of saying things that can make the other person uncomfortable or hurt their feelings.
7. Tell a self-deprecating story
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People with social grace know how to open up with a story that shows they're human. A critical element to telling a tighter story is to avoid monologuing. As you are trying to make a story tighter and more relatable, it’s important to focus on the key details people need to know.
By making your narratives clear, engaging, and relatable, you facilitate better understanding and build stronger relationships, leading to more effortless and impactful social interactions. Research shows that this is why mastering the art of concise and compelling storytelling can be a key component of effective communication and social grace.
8. Know when to wrap it up
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To wind things down, people with social grace usually say something like, "It has been nice talking to you, but I need to run." Saying this before walking away allows you to wrap up. It can sometimes feel daunting to manage all the aspects of a reciprocal conversation.
Here's a big tip: Work on one piece at a time. Don’t expect all pieces to be as you would like them, at least not initially.
The ability to connect and inspire is an essential human need. In demonstrating respect for our audience, it's essential to learn the critical life skill of being a good storyteller. Equally important is the ability to listen and empathize. Good and open communication is the key to all healthy relationships.
Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., is a personal coach who works with children with ADHD and the families who support them.
