How I Finally Broke Free From My Gen-Z Dead-Eye Stare
I spent years hiding behind a glazed, burnout stare until I discovered a small shift that made me feel connected again.
Agustina Tolosa | Pexels Has anyone noticed how many people have a dead-eyed stare when they’re walking around in public? On TikToks related to work and retail positions, it even has a (not-so-correct) name: the Gen-Z Stare.
The stare is not something new, per se. We’ve all seen people who seem to be burnt out to the point of pure dissociation — a look where it seems like their souls have left their bodies or that they are too burnt out to care.
It used to be a rare look; a dead stare that was often left for people like worn-out students in STEM, doctors who worked a long shift, or even stone-faced police officers who had a rough schedule.
Lately, it seems like that same blank stare keeps hitting more and more people. I see it even in myself — and I’m kind of famous for my joie de vivre, so to speak. Or at least, I used to be fairly famous for my vivacious attitude.
Okay, full disclosure: I’ve been insanely burnt out lately. As in, I almost ended up in a psych ward because I’m very burnt out and haven’t been feeling rewarded for the hard work I’ve been doing to try to build my life back from the ashes.
Someone mentioned that I looked like I was dissociating at work, and that was when I realized that I needed to fix my Gen-Z dead-eye stare.
Where does that dead-eye stare come from? It’s actually a clear body language sign of burnout. That’s right. Studies are showing that people are experiencing burnout at a wild new level.
Burnout can happen from a wide range of causes:
- Overwork. If you’re working 60 to 100 hours a week, you likely will burn out fast. In Japan, overwork burnout has been tied to deaths — officially known as karoshi.
- Caretaker burnout. A lot of parents and caretakers of the elderly experience this type of burnout, often after putting their own needs piss last.
- Dating burnout. This is a legit phenomenon where people who try online dating get too traumatized to continue trying to pursue a romantic relationship. This can bleed into other parts of one’s life.
- Political burnout. This is the newest, most common culprit for people’s burnout.
- News burnout. Did you ever notice how some folks just look flattened after reading all the horrible news online?
Yeah. We as a society are burnt out. All of us, to some degree, are dealing with burnout. Our society is undergoing a dark night of the soul, so to speak, and it’s damaging the way we’re handling stuff.
Simply put, people should have a certain spark of life behind their eyes. It’s scary that we’re living in a time when seeing that dead, bored stare is such a normal thing.
Thankfully, I have a little advice for those of us who suffer from burnout. Lately, I’ve been looking at how I’ve been able to pick myself up from all the garbage handed to me.
Here are 6 ways I broke free from my dead-eye stare:
1. I stepped away from the stuff burning me out
MDV Edwards / Shutterstock
If you can take a vacation, by all means, do. I can’t, so I won’t. I went dark on social media and dropped my workload to mandatory stuff only. I didn’t want to deal with constant social media back and forth, regular deadlines, or other similar garbage. I needed time.
So I took time. I started to (quite literally) do nothing but hibernate, hit up spas, and eat for two days out of the week. If a client needs me, I try to talk as much as I can, but right now my body and mind are both pretty busted.
2. I spent time with people who helped me cool down and heal
Everyone has a certain thing that helps ground them. Sometimes, it’s intimacy. Other times, it’s music. Still more times, it’s cooking and a good conversation. Or maybe it’s watching a rom-com with your girls.
Now is the time to reach out to those who “get” you on that level and ask for some quality time. This is not always easy to do, depending on who you are and what helps you heal. Reaching out to people who don’t judge is important.
For me, being intimate is a major healing factor. So, I’ve been hooking up with people who genuinely show serious interest in me. I’ve also started shooting content with people whom I enjoy spending time around.
3. I rested, rested, and rested more
Yes, I’ve been resting a lot more. If I have been appearing lazy, that’s because I have been doing my own thing. I’m listening to my body.
4. I dropped the expectation of reciprocation
If you’re like me, you tend to work very hard while people don’t pour into your cup back. It’s a sick cycle that makes me victimize myself time and time again. I realized I need to stop this cycle.
I’m working on this, but one of the reasons why I’ve been so burnt out deals with reciprocity. I kept thinking that if I worked hard, did everything right, and tried my hardest to get people to listen, that they’d get it. It’s not going to work.
I realized I need to work on moving on from the people who didn’t care about my special days. Specific people know exactly why I’m upset with them. I’m only burning myself more and more waiting for them to send back the energy I kept sending them.
If they want to apologize and make amends on their own accord, fine. But my waiting, nagging, or exploding over it isn’t doing anything beneficial. If you’re in a similar situation, trust me when I say that working yourself up over things people aren’t giving you isn’t helping.
Your best bet is to accept that they are not going to be the people you need them to be and act accordingly. If they change, great. If not, then you’re best off matching their energy or leaving.
5: I dropped the news headlines and went outside for some fun
Yes, I’m going to tell you to touch grass. Having fun outside, even if it doesn’t cost you a dime, makes for a very good refresher. It makes you feel grounded. Alive. Sane, even.
I felt a lot more put-together after going out for a drive with my mom, who has been trying to make a bigger effort in helping me recover after I had been emotionally shattered.
People don’t really appreciate how bad the news can mess with their heads until they take a break from it. If you’re suffering from doomscrolling, switch to a “stupid” phone for a while and don’t look the proverbial Medusa in the eyes.
6: I went to the spa
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
One of my best friends bought me a ticket to one of my favorite Korean bathhouses. We had a great day of dining, I got a full body scrub, and we sweated it out in a 600-year-old tradition. (I’ll add photos tomorrow or so for proof.)
Of course, I also have a set budget for keeping up my looks. After all, I do work as a model, writer, and influencer. I have to look good. So, I take time at the tanning salon and nail salon as a way to relax and focus on myself. I realize not everyone has that kind of money. If you do, by all means, invest in your looks and wellness.
7. I rebuilt slowly and took time for clarity
I have been working on figuring out how to make the most of my solo time and my future businesses. If I’m going to get out of this, I might as well figure out how to avoid the same issues that landed me in this pit right now.
But yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing. I’m crispy and overwhelmed. I’m trying to get better, though. It’s all anyone can do.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
