Happy People Do 7 Things When Their Brain Won't Stop Jabbering With Anxiety
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva There are times in everyone's life when learning how to deal with depression, anxiety, or mental health problems makes it feel like you're stuck in a pit that you can't find your way out of. This is especially true if you've experienced a recent trauma or life change that you're worried is making your brain jabber with anxiety.
Even if you have high-functioning depression or anxiety and think you're doing OK, the signs of depression and anxiety getting worse might be right in front of your face. There are many different types of trauma — and different types of depression reactions — but when you're experiencing severe anxiety and depression, it can be difficult to reach out for help due to perceived mental health stigmas.
You may worry you won't be helped, or that people won't believe you. Maybe you feel like your trauma isn't "big" enough to qualify for asking for help. It’s different for everyone: A marriage collapsing, scary health news — something so overwhelming happens that you don’t know how to cope or how to deal with depression and anxiety that occurs after, when you're least expecting it.
You aren’t sure you will survive this upheaval in your life. It’s too big. The first time this hit me was after my second son was born. As he grew, those first few weeks, I was falling apart. I dragged myself around, cried many times a day, and felt my world turn gray and heavy. Normal sleepless stupor became a postpartum depression. As I felt myself bursting into tears without warning in the grocery store, I knew something was wrong.
But how could it be that I couldn’t handle having two children? Women all over the world did it just fine. What kind of a failure, a wimp, must I be? It took weeks for me to accept that I was in real trouble.
Once I took that in, I asked for help from those around me. Not everyone responded. When my closest friend didn’t seem to get what I was going through, I thought, "Okay, I’ll take care of myself another way." I started therapy, went on medication, and gradually emerged from that bleak place. But I didn’t know if I ever would feel like myself again, until I did.
Happy people do these 7 things when their brain won’t stop jabbering with anxiety:
1. They accept they need help
What is the trauma or anxiety you're experiencing? How is it affecting your happiness? You probably see yourself as competent and normal, so accepting that something big and hard is happening can be tricky. Your first impulse is often denial. This can’t be happening, it’s not that bad. I’ll binge watch/run more miles/work harder.
Denial can buy you time, but it’s a terribly long-term strategy. What you don’t accept can hurt you. You can spiral into a vortex of avoidance that harms your health and livelihood. You beat yourself up when you don’t meet your own expectations. It can take great courage to let in the possibility that you're not doing OK in something fundamental — whether it’s parenting, a relationship, or a job.
What helps you deal with denial is being willing to talk about what’s happening. Instead of having your fear, depression, anxiety, confusion, and pain bouncing around inside your skull, you can let it out in manageable doses to a trusted confidant. Releasing a scrap of your truth eases pressure and enables you to look straight at your situation.
2. They tell someone they trust what’s happening
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You spend significant energy on appearing "whole" to those around you. To share your experience with another, you risk judgment. It’s a chance that must be taken to move forward. Remember, you are often harder on yourself than anyone else will be.
"From the work of Sigmund Freud, who originated the talking cure as a mechanism of healing, psychologists have emphasized that it's the trustworthy, safe, respectful connection between client and therapist that ultimately serves to help us change in healthy ways. In fact, the quality of the therapeutic relationship is so important that research suggests it's often more important than any other aspect of therapy," clinical psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren explained.
Choose who to tell about your anxiety with care; someone trustworthy and kind. Include what is happening and how you're feeling. Both are important. Because, of course, a big part of denial is avoiding feeling shame.
3. Happy people let themselves feel their emotions
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Once you accept your situation, you need to pause and feel whatever arises. If what you feel is shame or the sense that you're fundamentally not okay, you need to tackle that feeling with words. Remind yourself of the many ways you have been okay and successful, large or small.
Reframe this anxiety or trauma as a point in time that you need to survive, not a forever condition. “I can get through this. I will get through this.”
Naming your anxiety is the first step in removing its power over you. "Shame dynamics have kept your innermost fears about yourself away from the probing minds of others. The pattern of your thinking needs a fresh set of eyes. Every patient I have treated in my thirty years as a therapist needed a more inclusive, accurate self-story," explained therapist Bill Maier.
4. They identify what they need to heal
If your anxiety has taken over your brain, figure out what you need. Information, financial or otherwise? Hugs? Someone to walk with? Childcare so you can nap or get out of the house? A new place to live?
Think short-term first. What do you need for today and this week? Then look a bit further ahead — a few weeks or months. What else will you need?
When you have a list, plan how to approach others and ask for help. I know, asking for help can be uncomfortable. I squirm every time I do it. You may be surprised at how helpful others will be, once they hear what’s going on, though.
If you let your situation be known, you may receive offers of support without even asking. People feel good when they help others, and that includes you.
5. Happy people make their own plan
Sort out what you will do for the short-term. What actions will you take today? Tomorrow? Write it down. In times of anxiety, a concrete list of things to do can be wonderfully anchoring.
What can you do each day that will help you feel a bit of solid ground under you? Is it walking? Watching a favorite show? Playing with your dog? Writing in a journal? Make this a priority to help beat back your depression and anxiety. Therapists have identified self-care as an effective clinical intervention.
"Self-care activities such as meditation, deep breathing, and relaxing techniques can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. Engaging in self-care can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, boost self-esteem, and enhance overall mental well-being," clinical mental health counselor Miki Anderson explained.
6. They vent their feelings in a healthy way
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There is a place for strength, no doubt. You need to formulate plans and do something. There is also a need to let yourself feel and express those feelings — cry, throw things (at something safe), curl up in a ball around your cat, and hide. Don’t go on social media and rant; that’s not a smart outlet for your feelings, and may make your depression worse.
7. Happy people put their oxygen masks on first
So far, you have been focusing on yourself. If you have children, it’s even more important that you get yourself together. Look as calm and confident in front of them as you can. They are having their own uncertainties and need whatever reassurance you can give them.
This all may sound difficult, and it is. Two things make it worthwhile. First, it will get you through this hard and scary place, which is what you need. Second, you will build strength and resilience that will be part of you for the rest of your life.
"Call in sick, relax, and play during the day. Stay away from electronic gadgets; they will only make you feel like working," explained marriage and family therapist Lianne Avila. "Taking a self-care day can significantly benefit mental health by reducing stress and improving mood. Plus, it can act as a preventative measure against mental health issues, which research supports."
For whatever further challenges life brings, you will have deeper confidence and greater coping abilities to deal with anxiety and depression, and you'll be better able to help others, too: that’s gold, for all of you.
Karen Kristjanson holds a M.Sc. in Social Psychology and is a life coach helping couples and co-parents in high-conflict situations create peaceful and functional relationships.
