The Happiest People In The World Always Say No To These 5 Things, According To Psychology
Protecting your peace starts with what you don't allow in your life.
Yurii Papushoi | Unsplash Buddhist monks have the most insane work ethic. They spend a very significant part of their days meditating. That cannot be easy to do over and over again, their entire lives.
And I realized that the best way to understand the true power of mindfulness would be to dive into the brain of one such monk. And who’s a better choice than the ultimate Buddhist monk, Buddha himself? That is when I came across the concept of the Five Hindrances. The Five Hindrances are obstacles that every monk must overcome daily on their path to liberation.
That said, the five hindrances are not exclusive to monks and also apply to us non-monks, too. If we’re to understand the five hindrances and follow Buddha’s advice on how to overcome them, we too can learn to unlock our most extraordinary selves by saying no to a few specific things in life.
The happiest people in the world say no to these 5 things, according to psychology:
1. Taking out loans they can't pay back
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The loan of pleasantness in the present is always repaid in the form of unpleasantness when that pleasure is used up. Even the metaphorical bank of life issues an interest on this loan, and repayment in suffering is always higher than the borrowed pleasure.
All the time I spent binge-watching in high school — among other things — denied me my dream college, and I had to settle. I’ve made my peace with it, but I am aware of what I’m missing out on.
All that fast food I indulged in a few years ago has denied me the athletic body I always wanted. Suffice it to say, repaying the loan sucks.
The question to answer: What am I enthralled with that acts as a hindrance to my growth?
Antidote: To overcome the hindrance, Buddhist monks often spend time contemplating impermanence. They spend time thinking about how all sensory pleasures have a much-too-soon expiration date. And the practice is more than "to know."
We all know that our Earthly pleasures are impermanent; however, we can’t resist them even then. It’s because there’s a huge gap between knowledge and action. Contemplating the impermanence of whatever sensual desire you are addicted to is a way to bridge that gap.
Recognize the sensual pleasures you are addicted to and start spending some time — say, five minutes — every morning to contemplate the impermanence of that specific pleasure.
2. Clinging to bitterness
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Ill will or aversion is the resistance we develop to people or situations in the form of anger, bitterness, resentment, or hostility. Aversion is often compared to sickness. Just as sickness steals from you the joy and freedom of health, aversion steals from you the joy and freedom of peace.
Aversion can manifest itself in small and big ways. For instance, I wish I didn’t have to care about the marketing aspect of writing.
There’s so much talk about SEO, converting your write-ups into 500 little pieces of content, promotion, etc. I just want to write.
However, I also realize that I have to care about marketing at least a little bit to grow as a writer in the modern world. So I might as well make my peace with it, and even befriend marketing while I’m at it.
The question to answer: In what situations do I find myself developing negative emotions?
Antidote: The antidote to aversion in Buddhism is loving-kindness. In a broad sense, it’s merely a meditation where you convert negative feelings into positive ones.
It’s to recognize that negative emotions — no matter how valid they are — act as hindrances to your growth, and it’s wise to convert them into positive emotions or, at the very least, get rid of the negative emotions.
For instance, if there’s some obstacle in your career path that you have no control over, instead of complaining about it and breeding negativity, you could simply learn to make your peace with it.
And it may also be beneficial to you, but you feel averse to it anyway, as I do to marketing. In that case, you could try a total reversal of emotions. You could attempt to convert dislike to like and hate to love.
Recognizing and accepting ill will when it arises is the first step. Rather than trying to suppress it, one can practice mindful observation or engage in loving-kindness meditation to transform it. Studies have shown that repressing emotions can suppress the body's immunity, increasing vulnerability to illness.
3. Being lazy
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Sloth is the dullness of the mind, and torpor is the heaviness of the body. Together, they’re considered equivalent to being imprisoned in a dark cell, unable to move in the sunlight outside. To put it simply, it’s laziness: of the mind and the body.
The question to answer: Am I feeling mentally or physically unmotivated?
Antidote: They say that a skillful meditator is on a sharp lookout for the first signs of sloth and torpor, which enables them to recognize its approach and take the needful action before it’s too late.
The monks then take simple measures to arouse energy to prevent sloth and torpor from overpowering them. A simple brisk walk or splashing water on their face does the trick for them.
Arousing energy comes down to individual preferences. I often listen to pump-up music if I feel some sloth coming my way, and take a stroll around the house if I feel drowsy.
However, the key takeaway, I think, is to develop that sense of being on the lookout for sloth and torpor. Because sloth and torpor are vicious powers, getting progressively more potent and it’s wise to stop them early before they become unmanageable.
Chronic sloth and torpor might stem from a lack of meaning or purpose in life. Deep inner reflection and finding motivating aspirations can help energize practice and overcome lethargy. One study found that happier individuals were less likely to manifest wrath, greed, envy, and sloth.
4. Letting their ego run the show
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Restlessness is condemned in Buddhism, like continually having to jump to the orders of a tyrannical boss who always demands perfection and so never lets one stop. Our ego is the overbearing boss that desires perfection, which leads to us being overwhelmed by a slurry of restless thoughts.
It’s like our mind is a monkey, jumping from one thought to another, not being able to stay put. It’s the opposite of calmness. However, as we all know, calmness is a superpower when it comes to manifesting our best selves in the present moment.
The question to answer: Am I calm, or am I restless? If I’m restless, what is the cause of it?
Antidote: Buddhist monks are taught to cure restlessness by developing contentment, which is the opposite of desiring perfection and fault-finding.
It’s to focus on what’s right at this moment and not what’s wrong about it. Instead of cursing the moment, it’s to be grateful for the moment and find bliss in it.
However, for the most part, it’s also to find the root cause of your restlessness. If you’ve been a tax evader for ten years, the answer might be to simply pay the taxes. Developing contentment might not work if the root cause is not uprooted.
People are generally happier when their minds are focused on the present moment and the task at hand, even during mundane activities, according to one Harvard study. Buddhism recognizes restlessness as a mental agitation that hinders concentration and disrupts the journey toward enlightenment.
5. Second-guessing
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Buddha describes doubt as being lost in the desert with no landmarks in sight. Doubt breaks the synchrony of the mind with its actions.
For instance, if I start doubting my path as a writer, I won’t be able to write with total involvement. If I were to continually question my decision to follow this scary path, I’d quit very soon.
However, I’m not in any doubt. And it’s so much more than just a career path. It’s an insult to reduce it to that.
Writing is — as Liz Gilbert calls it — my home. To be in doubt is like having a constant weight dragging your mind, preventing you from doing your best work. To be free of doubt, on the other hand, is to have the ability to fly.
The question to answer: Am I doubtful or indecisive about the path I’ve chosen?
Antidote: Buddhist monks are told to seek clarity from their teachers if they are skeptical about any meditation practices. And that is what we may do too. We may seek the advice of someone who’s already walked the path that we have just begun to walk.
Doubts and indecisiveness bite away at our energy and our productivity. Hence, it’s essential to free our minds of doubt if we’re to act with total involvement.
Akshad Singi, M.D., has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, and more.
