4 Habits That Helped Me Quit People-Pleasing Without Being Rude
Breaking the people-pleasing cycle doesn't mean turning into a jerk.
Yan Krukau | Pexels Are you wondering how to stop being a people pleaser without being rude? You can become more confident while still giving people what they want through self-empowerment and a change in perspective.
People pleasing is draining, demeaning, and unrewarding. Yet, many of us were trained so well to do just that. You might feel you will never be able to turn that programming around. Who says you have to?
Why not use what you do best to take the next step toward empowerment with ease and fun? Being empowered starts with confidence. Once you learn to be more confident, you can embrace your people-pleasing ways with no shame.
Here are 4 habits that helped me quit people-pleasing without being rude:
1. I changed my perspective and attitude
By changing your attitude and perspective about your job, you will develop a clear understanding that there is a difference between pleasing others and simply doing what your job requires you to do.
If you have been a devoted people pleaser in the past, you are probably better able to know what your job requires and can do it more easily than someone who has never played that game before. And chances are, you can hold a higher and more longstanding position in the company you work for.
You can be counted on to do it the way they want it done, putting your ideas aside for the time being. Allow yourself to go to work every day with the awareness that you are a valuable employee, as a people pleaser, and find reasons to be grateful for the job you have.
Being grateful is an excellent way to shift your perspective about your job, and you will be recognized even more for bringing this positive attitude to work with you every day.
2. I gave my ideas the respect they deserved
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You do not need to "sell your soul" to work for someone else. They are blessed to have you. They may or may not even know you have gifts and ideas that will help them and their company prosper or even work more efficiently.
They do know that you have the company’s best interest at heart, and you will notice how open they are to your suggestions and ideas once you begin changing your perspective.
"We create a threat by using threatening words," warned psychologist Renee Norton. "We can also use them on ourselves, and they have the same effect. The problem is that those judging words have the same impact that the fear of the wooly mammoth or crashing your car has — the adrenaline rush. Depending upon the words we use to describe a situation, we can trigger an adrenaline rush or we can stay calm. It is up to us."
Simply take your inspired ideas to a deeper level of creativity, giving yourself the best of both worlds by discovering productive and non-threatening ways to present or even implement them so everyone wins in the process.
This comes from using your creative intuition to the max and usually entails gathering some hardcore facts, showing on paper how it could work better, and being prepared to answer every possible question about it.
3. I honed my sense of timing
Your sense of timing is the critical part of being able to present or even implement your own inspired ideas about a project, work plan, or process. Follow your gut feelings and be willing to do this at a moment's notice when the door is open and when your well-worded plan or idea is ready to share.
Practice what you will say and have all your documentation organized so that when the time is right, you can confidently present it at any moment.
4. I stood my ground
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Even if your idea isn't received or accepted the first, second, or third time, you can go back to the drawing board with the feedback they gave you and use it to fuel a clearer vision of any modifications you need to make.
"Feedback is like gold, and if you see it as valuable instead of judgmental, then you can use it to your benefit," advised personal development coach Christine Hourd. "Receiving feedback is a gift from someone else who cares enough to tell you that something is wrong. It lets you know what you’re doing right and where you can improve."
Listen to why they say it doesn’t work for them and ask them what they want or need instead. Go back to Step 2 and expand your creativity even more, including ways to modify your idea that include more of what they do want.
Do your research, document, practice what you will say, and then wait for that perfect opportunity to present what you discover.
This process can feel empowering and takes people pleasing to a new level of opening up to your creativity. So when they say, "Jump!" and you say, "How high?" it comes from a space of expansion and empowerment.
Nada Howarth is a Master Certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, Mentor, and Instructor for the Quantum Success Coaching Academy who helps clients around the world apply the Law of Attraction to improve all areas of their lives.
