‘We’re At The End Of Our Rope’: Gen-X Women Admit They’re Barely Holding It Together After Years Of Caregiving & Overworking
Cavan-Images | Shutterstock Gen-X women are at a crisis point. After years of child-rearing and making the house a home for our husband and family, working hard and trying to save for retirement while caring for older parents and relatives, we've reached our breaking point.
We've been trying to be all things to everyone for far too long with little to no help, and we are now at the end of our rope. We are underwhelmed by life fulfillment and don’t know how to be happy — a midlife crisis is upon us.
Gen-X women, now in their 40s and 50s, are at the end of their rope and barely holding it together
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels
After all of their hard years of work, caregiving for their mostly now-teenage kids, and bending over backward in the workforce, Gen-X women are no longer sure what they have to show for it.
We've been running around for years, trying to make everyone else happy, and our own happiness has fallen by the wayside. We're also dealing with the effects of menopause, exacerbating our sense of aimlessness.
Gen-X women don’t even know what we like anymore because we are used to catering to everyone else’s needs: our husband or partner, our children, our family members, our boss. We can’t differentiate between our personal preferences and the preferences of everyone around us, whom we've been caring for and catering to for years. We've kind of lost ourselves.
This crisis is beautifully highlighted in books like Ada Calhoun's Why We Can't Sleep, which focuses on the experiences of Gen-X women navigating midlife challenges. If you've gone through a similar phase in your life, you may relate.
If you’ve been through a divorce or long-term relationship break-up, you understand what it is like to be going through an identity crisis at 40 or 50. You may have had to walk on eggshells for so long in a marriage or long-term partnership that you have a hard time permitting yourself to figure out what you even want or if you want to even stay.
For years, Gen-X women put their own needs and wants aside to make relationships work
Maybe you've tried everything you could to keep your 15-plus-year marriage together, but it failed nonetheless. I had to learn this the hard way myself after 17 years of marriage, trying to keep my family unit together for the sake of the kids.
But as many of us Gen-Xers have experienced, we were disillusioned by what we had to sacrifice for everyone around us, losing ourselves in the process. A midlife crisis for Gen-X women can also present itself in other ways, such as:
- Questioning life choices up to this point
- Feeling stuck in a meaningless job with no passion
- Feeling like happiness is unattainable
- Feeling regret over life's mistakes and choices
- Longing for youth and nostalgic for the past
- Depression and unfulfillment in life
- Anxiety about the future, such as finding a life partner if they become single again later in life, financial stability, and affording retirement
- Feeling like every day is Groundhog Day, over and over again
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
How do Gen-X women cope with this lack of direction in their lives?
- Talk to women in your age group and share how you are feeling. You might find they are going through something similar, and they can share how they are coping. You will feel supported by talking about what you are going through
- Schedule sessions with a therapist to discuss how you are feeling and possible medication treatments
- Start journaling some new life goals that are just for you. What have you always wanted to do, but haven’t had a chance to, due to your caregiving duties?
- Join a new social group or start a new activity that is just for you. Get some exercise, go to the gym, or do other physical activities that get your body moving and improve your mindset
- Practice gratitude to shift your perspective. Even though you may not have everything you want in life yet, focus on what you do have that makes you happy.
- Take a trip, even a quick getaway to somewhere new, to shake things up. Go with a friend or on a solo trip
- Get outside every day in nature; it nourishes the soul
After leaving my 17-year abusive marriage, I did all of the above just to try to make it through the day. It was an unsettling time and a transition I wasn’t sure how to navigate.
I had never been to therapy in my life before that, but after crying almost every single day, several times throughout the day, I knew I had to do something. I also went on antidepressants for a period, which was also something totally new to me (but very effective, and I highly recommend it.)
With the support system of my closest family, work colleagues, and friends, I truly felt supported in dealing with the most difficult time in my life. Now, 6 years later, post-divorce, my life has changed for the better in every way. I'm happy, financially secure, finally feel free, and my kids are thriving. Even though I am currently starting to deal with the crazy-making side effects of menopause (buckle up, forty-somethings!) I have much better coping strategies than I did in my younger years.
It may take time for Gen-X women as they continue to work through their identity crisis in search of fulfilling their own desires. Hopefully, with a renewed focus on the second half of their lives (the best half, in my humble opinion), Gen-X women will be able to fill their cups and rediscover who they are again.
Harlyn Hannah is a Gen-X Single Mom of two teenagers and an Operations Manager by day. She writes for Medium and her newsletter on Substack, LeadingLadyEnergy.
