Empathetic People With Exceptional Social Skills Say 11 Things When They Forget Someone's Name
AaronAmat | Canva Forgetting someone’s name is a common experience we all go through.
If you're the type of person who doesn’t feel comfortable just owning the fact that you forgot, there are subtle ways to get someone to give you their name without them knowing you ever forgot it, using only your social skills and a little humor.
People with exceptionally strong social skills usually say these things when they forget someone's name:
1. ‘Would you mind putting your contact in my phone so we can stay in touch?'
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Asking someone to put their name and number in your phone is an easy way to learn their name. This can be tricky, as some people don't readily give their phone numbers to just anyone. A great alternative is to ask for their Insta or other social handle, if that feels more organic.
You have to feel it out in the moment and see what would seem less awkward, but these days everyone has a social media account of some sort. To help bring up the subject, mention a funny video or account that you like and offer to send it to them. Next thing you know, you've got their name.
If you're at work, make sure this is an appropriate question before you ask. If so, you've just made a new friend at work, which has tons of benefits.
As long as their account isn't under a silly name, like BananaGramsChamp23, of course. If so, move on to #2 on this list.
2. ‘There’s someone I want you to meet’
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Another way empathetic people learn someone’s name is to bring another person into the conversation. For example, your friend Lisa is walking by, you grab her and say to the person whose name you forgot, "Hey, do you know Lisa?"
Hopefully Lisa will take the cue, and when they are forced to reintroduce themselves you will relearn their name. This can also help with any awkwardness on the other person's end, as they might not have known your name, too! Adding a third person is a great social trick for easing tension all around.
3. ‘Hey, do you know so and so’s name?’
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Speaking of bringing another person into it, when push comes to shove, ask someone who frequently speaks to them what their name is and how it’s pronounced so that you remember next time.
Forgetting someone’s name one time should be OK, but to continue to do it is a bit too much. The person trying to help you remember the other person’s name may get fed up with your behavior.
Asking others to help can benefit you in the long run, as long as the secret of you not knowing stays between you and the other person.
4. ‘Hey friend, how are you doing today?’
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You honestly don’t need to remember someone’s name when you simply give them a nickname like "friend" instead. This method buys you time until their name eventually comes back to you or until you can figure it out.
There's an added bonus to the nickname method, too. An article by NeuroLaunch, stated that nicknames create social bonds and are often woven into an individual's identity or physical appearance. Nicknames are considered like a secret handshake between friends. Once another person joins the group and gets placed into the inner circle they are more likely to start using the nickname as well.
Giving someone a nickname because you can’t remember their real name is a fun way to bond, as long as the nickname isn't offensive.
5. ‘Your name is unique. What’s the story behind it?’
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Our parents name us what they do for a reason, so asking someone what led their parents to name them that specific name can not only let you know their name, but also give you context and backstory to their personal life. This is not meant to be intrusive, but expresses genuine interest in their name.
Our names are a reflection of who we are. Molly S. Castelloe Ph.D. stated that a person’s name shapes their entire lives and identity. Our surnames reflect our relationship to our parents, mothers and fathers. There are also ethnic ties based on your name and its geographic origins.
Knowing someone’s name is a powerful thing because it gives you insight into who they are and where they come from. This one might backfire on you, however, if the mystery friend's name is indeed Lisa. Then again, you could always beg off by saying, "Oh I thought it had an unusual spelling, not sure where I got that from!"
6. ‘So, what is the history of your name? Did your family have something special in mind?"
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Alternatively, you can ask them what their name means to open up a conversation about the meaning behind their name. Knowing where someone’s name comes from is one thing but knowing the meaning behind it is a whole other subject entirely.
For instance the meaning behind the name "Sofia", one of the most common names in the last fifteen years, means having "wisdom and skills". It is Greek in origin and has been a popular name in many countries throughout history. So, even though it's common, there may be a story behind it.
Knowing the meaning behind someone’s name will give you insight into their personality rather than where they come from like previously mentioned.
7. ‘How do you pronounce your name?’
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If you need an easier way to learn their name, simply ask them how to pronounce it. Now you will know their name and how it’s spelled. After all, it is considered a common courtesy to say a person’s name the right way.
According to a survey by NameCoach, 74% of workers struggle with name pronunciation at work, with 16% saying that they didn’t talk to a coworker out of fear of not knowing how to say their name. It’s a shame when people let fear get the best of them and potentially ruin a good work relationship in the process.
Learning how to pronounce someone’s name is a simple sign of respect. Even if you get it wrong the first time, you have to keep trying. Once again, just hope her name isn't Lisa.
8. ‘Remind me, how do you spell your name?’
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Asking someone how to spell their name is an easy way for you to remember or learn it without directly asking them for it. It could also give you the opportunity to write it down. Spelling out a name is better than simply having them state it as many people have similar names but spell them differently.
Ira Hyman Ph.D. stated that one way he remembers names is by writing them down after meeting someone for the first time. His next method includes something similar to the ‘tip-of-the-tongue’ method where he associates ‘important features’ to the individual to remember them.
Whichever phrase you use, at least you can sleep at night knowing that you avoided an embarrassing situation.
9. ‘I know we’ve met before but, what’s your name again?’
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This one takes gust, but it's both honest and clear. Ask them.
When you walk up to them, say, "I know we’ve met before but, what is your name again?" This shows that you’re acknowledging your previous encounters with them, and that it's not that you've forgotten them, but just their name.
While it may seem embarrassing, pretty much eeryone forgets a name sometimes. According to the Cognitive Neuroscience Society we call this the “tip-of-the-tongue” phenomenon, where we name things associated with the person but still can’t remember their names. It’s like when you watch television and recognize an actress but can’t remember her name, so you start naming the shows and movies she has appeared in.
In other words, it's not personal and most people can relate.
10. ‘I’m terrible with names. Could you tell me yours again?’
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Another direct way to deal with forgetting someone's name is to admit fault and tell them that you’re not good with names. It’s best to be honest with the individual and admit that you’re not perfect, something most people find disarming.
Admitting it is the first step to correcting it, however, if you still feel apprehensive about then you can always try exercises that help you remember.
One exercise is to associate their name with an object or thing so that you can remember it. Similar to the ‘tip-of-the-tongue’ method, what you can do is say a bunch of names that you think the person should have until it jogs your memory. You can remember a woman’s name starting with a ‘C,’ but you can’t remember the specific name so you just randomly start naming different names with the letter until one unlocks a memory.
This doesn’t just happen with movie stars, after all. It can also happen with objects, places, and people.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
