The 2 Deepest Insecurities Modern Men Struggle With
Many men struggle with finding their place in modern masculinity.
Lala Azizli | Unsplash Myths about what is masculine are subject to daily attack. Not only directly aimed at the male audience, but even more unpleasant, like a Trojan horse, the harmful insecurities are socially encoded, becoming another way for the language virus to infect the man's operating system.
Society shapes the characteristics of masculinity, and as a result, the number of men who struggle with insecurity often increases. A 2023 study in Personality and Social Psychology Review showed how "Under threat, motivations driven by others' expectations elicit outward attempts to restore masculine status." These attempts often take the form of aggression, shame, and self-harm.
Here are the two deepest insecurities modern men struggle with:
1. His ability to make his partner happy
- Whether they are attractive enough (compared to the men in the ads),
- Whether they are financially capable of satisfying the needs of a partner and children,
- Whether they are better than the vast competition that potential partners can access freely and easily through social networks, and the dynamics of life.
Initially, this may seem like a personal issue within an individual, however, a 2020 study from The American Psychological Association (APA) suggested "a link between fragile masculinity and aggressive political stances as well as support for the party that tends to endorse such stances."
2. His worry about what defines a man
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To make it easier to understand, think about the qualities and characteristics we consider to define a man. Socially, we have been conditioned to view masculinity as an ability to be a leader (in the family, in the football team, among friends, etc.), the skills for making logical decisions and asserting them, the impulse not to obey, to follow his will and to impose it, the ability to do things society has deemed women cannot. From this, a man is supposed to derive his sense of being useful and meaningful.
In today's world, there is a boss who imposes rules, decisions, and actions every day. "For what am I needed?" the man asks, unconsciously. Even if he has created a stable life, the uncertainty comes from the question of whether he is good enough because of the feeling that a richer, more attractive, more passionate, or more powerful man can appear at any time!
Uncertainty is fear. Fear generates a series of processes in the brain that in turn lead to increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline — the stress hormones, and a decrease in serotonin levels — the hormone of happiness, as shown in the Annual Review of Neuroscience.
These factors are at the root of conditions such as depression, panic attacks, mood swings, anger outbursts, and road rage, and these, in turn, untreated, lead to more serious conditions. Contemporary tools of coaching and psychology allow these sensations to be worked out.
The Personality and Social Psychology Review study also showed, "masculinity may be less fragile-for example, in contexts with less rigid expectations and among men who reject expectations as pathways to mitigate adverse masculinity threat-related outcomes."
The creation of a new value system in alignment with the demands of modern society leads to confidence and peace of mind about who we are and how we can stand for it the right way. Be brave.
Maya Boneva–Mahama is a Life Coach, NLP therapist, and Business and Success Coach.
