Mom Cancels Play Date Because Her Husband Is 'Uncomfortable' With Their 9-Year-Old Daughter Being Friends With A Boy
He's sticking to outdated gender ideas and hurting two young kids in the process.
beaveraphotos | Canva The age-old question rears its ugly head yet again. Can boys and girls truly be just friends? Of course, this quandry doesn't, or rather shouldn't, even come into consideration until the teen years, and even then it feels antiquated and, for lack of a better term, icky. Yet, here we are in 2025, and the idea of two little kids of the opposite gender being friends has parents and the internet in a heated debate.
A mom shared on Reddit that she got a strange text from her son’s friend’s mom that she didn’t know how to “approach.” Apparently, the other mom's husband wasn’t comfortable with their daughter being close friends with a boy. Before you go clutching your pearls, these kids are 9 and 10 years old.
A mom received a text from her son’s friend’s mom canceling their play date because of their genders.
The mom took to Reddit’s r/Parenting forum to get some advice about how to respond to the text. She explained her situation, saying, “Our kids go to school together and wanted to continue to be friends during the summer. We (the moms) are trying to plan play dates and then she sent me this today.”
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The mom then shared a strange text she received from her son’s friend’s mom. “Hi (Me), after speaking with my husband last night he just doesn’t feel comfortable with (their daughter) having a boy as a friend,” she said in the message. “This has absolutely nothing to do with (my son), it is just a general thing he is uncomfortable with.” The mom on the receiving end, who didn’t know the other mother very well, didn’t know exactly what to do or say.
Commenters gave suggestions on how the mom could respond, which is what she was really looking for.
More than anything, this mom wanted some ideas on how to respond to her son’s friend’s mom. After receiving some comments, she was able to formulate a reply, which she shared in an edit to her original post. First, she thanked everyone for their perspectives, and then added her text.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she began. “(My son) will of course be disappointed, but we will be respectful of y’alls choice. Is it okay if he still texts and calls (daughter), or should I remove her from his allowed contact list? Please don’t hesitate to contact me in the future if anything changes, because we would still like them to be able to play and continue their friendship over the summer.”
The mom updated the post again, saying that she heard back from the friend’s mom, who informed her that the texts and calls between the children are what triggered this discomfort in her husband. “I also understand at this age they most likely do not see gender the same as older children do, but we cannot seem to find an appropriate balance for their friendship that makes my husband feel comfortable,” she added.
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The boy’s mom’s response got a little heated, and rightfully so, given the situation. “Yikes,” she said. “These are two elementary aged children who are friends. That’s it. I’m sorry that your husband is sexualizing these 9-year-olds, and that you seem to be supporting his ideals.”
Boy-girl friendships are not only normal, but they are beneficial for kids.
If you're thinking this is absurd, you're not alone, but the sad reality is that not everyone thinks similarly, especially when it comes to gender norms. Psychologist David Walsh, an expert in parenting teens and the author of "Why Do They Act That Way?" would probably weigh in on this situation by pointing out that when it comes right down to it, boys and girls are more similar than different, especially when it comes to how they play. It's outside influences that impact the behavior, not the kids themselves.
Think of it this way, everything from the toys kids are encouraged to play with at a young age to the actual play itself molds kids into what they think they should like and how they think they should behave. Even progressive parents, like the mom in this Reddit post, could unknowingly influence their kids without realizing it, because these gender stereotypes are ingrained into life.
It's actually why opposite sex friendships are so important to foster, especially among kids. In a piece written for CNN, Elisa Strauss explained, "Girl-boy friendships matter. They give kids a chance to explore themselves outside of constrictive gender scripts, and, ideally, question stereotypes. A girl playing with a boy might feel free to be competitive, a trait normally associated with boys. A boy playing with a girl might feel free to be talkative and emotional, traits normally associated with girls."
She added, "These friendships also allow children to prepare for adulthood, during which many of us will work alongside, and often have romantic relationships with, another gender. Overall, the ability to see half of humanity in all their complexity is a major life asset, professionally and personally."
The only thing not normal about this situation is the dad’s behavior.
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, explained that this is something that is not region-specific. Instead, the natural separation between boys and girls happens across the globe, mainly because of the differences in the ways boys and girls play. “While it’s more typical for children to stick to their own sex when it comes to friendship, many children do have friendships with members of the opposite sex,” she explained.
It’s not weird for boys and girls to be friends at all, especially at such a young, innocent age. This dad surely has his reasons for feeling this way, but they are misguided. As for the mom who shared the post, she said she had to spend the rest of the day consoling her son because of his heartbreak at not being able to see his friend over the summer.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
