Dad At The Doctor With His Son For The First Time Has No Idea How To Fill Out Forms Without Mom
The dad approaches being the non-default parent with humor, though he also apologizes for maintaining that role.
fizkes | Shutterstock A dad who took his son to a medical appointment for the first time realized he had no clue how to fill out the required paperwork without the presence of his wife, whom he referred to as the default parent. He definitely had a sense of humor about it, but the fact is, this is the perfect example of the invisible labor moms are tasked with when it comes to meeting everyone's needs.
The reality was that when Justin Kellough arrived at the doctor's office with his 4-year-old son, he barely knew enough information about his own child to complete the doctor’s forms.
A dad posted his experience living the ‘non-default parent’s nightmare’ while at a doctor's appointment with his son.
“My wife sent me to the eye doctor for the first time with my son, and I’m guessing. I know I should know more, but I don’t, I’m so sorry.” Kellough was forced to guess the answers to most of the medical questions, estimating that his son first talked at “maybe 1,” and first walked on his own at “maybe 14 months.”
When asked at what age his child’s hand preference was indicated, the dad responded, “I don’t even think default parents would know that.” Welp, he'd be wrong about that.
In a recent Reddit post about a similar topic, only replace the doctor's office with the ER, one commenter noted, "I work in a medical field. I never assume the father knows nothing and I’ve met many fathers who were involved and knew all the relevant information. But I’ve also met fathers who genuinely didn’t know their kid’s birthday or when their last check up was or if they had any allergies. I’ve also met fathers who looked at me like I was mad for expecting them to know this. I’ve only ever met one mother like that."
The dad made a joke of the experience, but being tasked as the default parent in a two-parent household is anything but funny.
Writing for Psychology Today, licensed clinical psychologist and Motherhood Wellness Consultant Amber Thornton, Psy. D., explained that filling the role of default parent “can be physically and emotionally taxing and can have negative consequences for one's partner and children.”
She went on to say, "What is most interesting is that today, many women and mothers who struggle with the Default Parent Syndrome will acknowledge that their male partners are 'engaged' within the home, 'excellent fathers,' and also very supportive; however, these same women continue to report feeling burdened and overwhelmed by the default parent role."
There's no denying, after watching the video, that Kellough is a loving and caring father, but like Thornton explained, that doesn't mean he is actually the active participant he should be. When it came time to answer the question of whether or not his son liked school, for example, Kellough asked his son to provide the responses himself. “Do you like school?” he asked his son. “You do? You complain about it all the time.”
Kellough was also faced with answering the question of whether his son rubs his eyes, to which he replied, “You rub your eyes all the time, I’m gonna say yes,” showing he’s not entirely oblivious to his kid’s behavior and needs. As the list of questions continued, Kellough exclaimed, “This is awful. This is so hard. I’m starting to wonder why we’re even here, but Mommy sent us.” In the caption to his post, Kellough wrote, "I tried my best.”
He acknowledged his lack of information on his own child, chalking it up to being the non-default parent.
While he wasn't being entirely serious, Kellough’s post showed the challenges of parenting, especially when you’re not the go-to parent for your child’s needs. Most of the comments were supportive of Kellough’s parenting journey, with many self-proclaimed default parents noting that they wouldn’t have known the answers to those questions offhand, either.
One person commented, “It’s okay to be the default parent.” A mom took the time to comment that as a stay-at-home mom whose husband works, she recognizes that “we both have different roles. That doesn’t mean he isn’t an amazing father.”
As a joke, Jimmy Kimmel once exploited the dad's knowing nothing trope as a celebration for Father's Day, but behind the laughs were moms simply doing it all because someone had to. It shouldn't be funny.
Kellough’s post also tried to put a humorous spin on the issue of default parenting, and while he was joking that he didn’t know the answers to the medical questionnaire, he showed up for the appointment, doing what his wife — the default parent — asked of him, and that’s a positive way for him to start involving himself more.
Is it enough? No, but you've got to start somewhere.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
