You Can Usually Tell How Confident Someone Is By These 10 Things They Do Automatically
Ono Kosuki | Pexels Some years ago, I came across this superb quote from Robert Greene’s book, The 48 Laws of Power: “Do not wait for a coronation; the greatest emperors crown themselves.” You don’t wait for the world to announce you as more — you take it without permission. Assuming emperor status is independent of your background, height, or income.
If you've ever felt confident, but it was only felt in specific moments and environments, usually when alone, these skills might help. Self-confidence is who we are in the absence of self-judgment and criticism. I learned everything I could about confidence, and I’m far better today, which is why I'm sharing these things with you that the most confident people do on autopilot.
You can usually tell how confident someone is by these 10 things they do automatically:
1. They create and maintain their own rituals
Develop morning and evening rituals that reinforce your sense of importance and purpose. Aimlessness is best left to the peasants. Repetition is the way your brain logs proof that you can be counted on.
2. They speak slowly and deliberately
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Confident people don’t need to be rushed. The world molds itself to them. Realizing this starts with how you talk. Stop rushing. Speak slowly and deliberately, allowing luxurious pauses. Your words have weight.
Being relaxed and moving slowly can earn you respect by projecting confidence, composure, and control. It shows that you are in the moment and not rushing to react impulsively.
"Confident people speak up and offer their ideas and opinions in ways that show respect for others and themselves. But if they're worried, they don't seem to show it. They present a sense of security about who they are in the world," elaborated marriage and family therapist Ingrid Helander.
3. Confident people find their space
Designate a space (even a chair, even a corner) as yours. Spend time there daily, free from empty distractions. This is your space for contemplation, reading, and envisioning your dreams becoming a reality.
4. They enter the room as if they own it
Your timid former self would watch you in awe. Make eye contact, stand tall, and take up a lot of space without apology.
5. They do what others wouldn't dare to
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There’s only one instance in which you will follow the masses: see as they do — and promptly do the opposite. Stop holding back just because you feel like you don’t fit in. Sit in a cafe reading a book without looking at your phone. Even if your ears burn the first time, you develop the practice of doing it differently and doing it with pride.
6. Confident people know the only approval they need is their own
Stop making decisions that hinge on your need for external approval. This kind of behavior will send you right down to a slithering newt. Trust your instinct and judgment as your life's primary authority because it is.
Clinical social worker Jeff Schneider explains that the work is to "know yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Tap into your strengths and identify your growing edges. Accept that you're not perfect; you're perfectly you. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone or be someone you're not."
7. They add the word no to their vocabulary
Practice declining requests or invitations that do not align with your values or goals. And when you’ve said no gracefully, do not explain yourself. Remember, the person you can't say no to is outsourcing their life to whoever asks first, and that is not being fair to yourself.
"Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, and needs in a way that is clear, honest, and respectful," explained psychotherapist Moshe Ratson. "Having solid boundaries is the space between passivity and aggression."
8. They know the power of dressing great
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You don't need to wear a three-piece suit for a quick trip to the store. But you do need to dress slightly better than is required or expected for each occasion. Stop being a slob — and I mean that in the nicest way. That time is in the past.
9. Confident people embrace making mistakes
Absolute confidence doesn’t mean taking every little thing so seriously. Confident people have learned to laugh at the silliness of life and themselves, and true self-assurance allows for some grace in making mistakes without losing stature.
10. They become their own favorite person
Become comfortable being alone. Self-confidence means being at ease, whether surrounded by people or in quiet contemplation just with yourself and your thoughts. Only those who can’t stand their own company incessantly require the frequent company of others. Use this solitude to connect with a Universal creative power to build something — psst, that something is confidence! — that will astound the world for generations.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
