Bride Asks If It's 'Offensive' To Ask For Cash Instead Of Wedding Gifts After Her Bridesmaids React Strangely
How could it be offensive when it's a part of her culture?
Kateryna Onyshchuk | Shutterstock Your wedding should be a perfect representation of who you are as a couple and what’s important to you. One bride and groom wanted their special day to be just that, and intended to do so by embracing their European culture and holding a traditional wedding. However, one aspect of their plans seriously confused some of her American bridesmaids and had the bride-to-be questioning if she was inadvertently acting offensively.
The bride asked if it is 'offensive' to ask for cash instead of wedding gifts after her bridesmaids reacted strangely.
"Me and my family are European," she shared in a Reddit post. "My parents immigrated here in the 90s, but I was born here. I’ve been to a handful of weddings here, but they’ve all been from my parents’ home country or neighboring (very similar culturally) countries."
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Naturally, the bride-to-be looked to the weddings she had attended as inspiration for her own. "I’m about a year out from my wedding, but I have most things planned," she wrote. "I was chatting about what I have left to do with some of my bridesmaids, and one of them asked me if I’ve made a registry yet."
The truth was, this bride hadn’t even considered creating a registry. "I kind of laughed it off and told her we don’t do that," she recalled. "She gave me a weird look and asked why. I told her everyone just brings a card with cash. It’s a whole thing, everyone lines up before the reception, greets both families, and at the end gives the couple the card and wishes them well."
This didn’t go over well with her bridesmaids. "They gave each other a look and one of them said, 'So you just want money from everyone?" she recounted. "I could tell by her tone that she seemed surprised or displeased."
The bride explained that, in her culture, it is common to ask for money instead of wedding gifts as it's easier and "meant to give the couple a head start in life." Still, it was clear that her bridesmaids did not fully understand or approve, and she questioned if it was for her to stick to her cultural customs
"Is this really an offensive ask?" she inquired. "I’m still a year out, so do I throw together a registry for my American friends to not ruffle any more feathers?"
The belief that asking for money in place of wedding gifts is offensive is an outdated attitude.
Commenters on the Reddit post assured the bride she had done nothing wrong, especially since it’s part of her culture. But, even if it wasn’t, she still wouldn’t be in the wrong. Writing for The Knot, Sarah Hanlon pointed out that many couples choose to go this route now, which is perfectly acceptable. She did note that how you ask for the money is important, though.
Hanlon recommended making the wish clear on your wedding website, letting the word spread naturally before the big day, having a place at the wedding where guests could leave cards, or even including gift cards in your wedding registry.
“Asking for money as a wedding gift is completely acceptable,” she stated. “Whether it’s the only thing on your registry or simply a part of it, requesting cash for wedding gifts isn’t considered taboo. In fact, monetary gifts have a long history across weddings in different cultures.”
After reading the comments on her post, the bride felt more confident in her decision to ask for money.
"I talked with my fiancé about what happened, and he didn't realize it would create an issue either, so it's good that it came up sooner rather than later," she wrote in an update. "Since both of our families are from the same country, and our wedding will be more culturally traditional, we decided to add this into one of the FAQ's on our website."
She added that only about 15-20% of guests in attendance will be American, and she plans to give them a heads-up in person. She also spoke with her bridesmaids and cleared the air. "We both apologized to each other for the misunderstanding," she wrote. It seems like this happily ever after is ready to take place now.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
