5 Behaviors Of Women Who Are Genuinely Hard To Like, According To Psychology
How some women get in their own way.
Yurii Papushoi | Unsplash Women with dominant personality traits sometimes don't realize their behaviors play a larger role in their ability to get what they want. Whether they're trying to figure out how to make a man fall in love with them or how to get where they want to be in their professional field, taking an honest look at their behaviors — even if well-meaning — is critical to their ultimate success and general likability.
Here are 5 behaviors of women who are genuinely hard to like, according to psychology:
1. She's oblivious
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
Successful women know themselves — truly know themselves. They know their strengths and their weaknesses.
They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they know they need it. Women who get what they want know what they want.
They have set goals and benchmarked how they are going to reach those goals. They have plans for what to do if they don’t reach those benchmarks.
They have an eye on the goal, and they know how they are going to get there. If you are a woman who doesn’t know who she is, who hasn’t taken a good, hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, then you will have a hard time being likable and living the life that you want to live.
2. She takes everything personally
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low self-ego. Everything bad that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.
I have a client who reflects everything that happens back on herself. Her husband didn’t want to help his mother clean out her attic, and my client’s reaction was that if her husband didn’t help her with her attic in 10 years, when she was retiring, she would be really angry.
Another client was upset because her husband didn’t do what he said he was going to do, so that meant that he didn’t love her. Women who take everything personally don’t have confidence in who they are in the world.
They look at life through their lens, which doesn’t allow them to get out in the world and get what they want from it. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror.
So, don’t take things personally. Understand that things that happen in the world happen independently of you. Seek what you want, and don’t let other people’s actions reflect on you. By doing so, you are more likely to get what you want.
Research suggests that women may be perceived as more emotional or sensitive due to societal expectations and gender socialization, which might influence how their emotional expressions are interpreted by others. The intensity of emotions experienced by hypersensitive individuals can make it difficult to voice needs and desires to partners
3. She's inflexible
BearFotos / Shutterstock
Women who get what they want in the world are flexible. They are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate it.
I have a client who is very black-and-white in her thinking about the world. If something doesn’t go according to her beliefs, then she is immediately stymied.
She tries to bend that thing back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she were willing to look at all sides of something, she would be able to react to it in a way that would bring her success.
I have another client who, when things don’t go the way that she thinks they will, gets totally overcome and just can’t deal at all. She is paralyzed by the idea that something must go in a different direction, and she shuts down.
And when she does, success evaporates with it. So, try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that things just might not go the way you think they will, and roll with it. You will be happy you did.
Inflexibility is associated with lower relationship satisfaction, reduced emotional support, and increased negative conflict and even physical aggression in romantic relationships. Studies show that women leaders, especially when exhibiting authoritative behaviors that deviate from traditional gender stereotypes of warmth and nurturing, can experience a likability penalty.
4. She's humorless
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock
Life can be exceedingly difficult, and successful women can laugh at how hard it can be. Think about those days when everything goes wrong.
You sleep in late so you can’t have breakfast. That meeting you stayed up late to prepare for is canceled. Your son comes home sick, and there is nothing in the fridge to eat for dinner.
When this happens, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink three glasses of wine, and yell at your husband ... or, you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy your life is, and go for a walk with your dog to let it all go.
If you can just let things go, if you can see that life is just difficult and accept it with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to get what you want in the world.
Some research suggests men tend to use humor more aggressively, while women might favor more affiliative or self-enhancing humor styles. While women are sometimes perceived as less funny than men, effective use of humor by women can lead to positive social outcomes and increased influence.
5. She's unmotivated
CrizzyStudio / Shutterstock
The key to success — in life, in your career, in your relationship, and in your parenting — is determination. The determination to succeed, to get what you want, not to let anything get in your way.
I have a client whose husband left her 17 years ago. She had been living since then with the anger and hurt that she was left with.
She lost her daughters, couldn’t work, and sank into a cycle of anger and depression. She gave up living her life.
When she reached out to me, she did so because she decided that she wanted to buy a house. And she was paralyzed.
She would call me daily, saying she would die before she could find a house. But she didn’t give up. Once she found a house, she would call me up and say that she would die before she could start packing.
But she didn’t give up. And then she would call me up and tell me that she would die before she could move. But she didn’t give up.
This client not only found a house and moved, but she then got a job, found her way back to her daughters, and is living a full life. All because she didn’t give up.
So, if there is something that you want in the world, go for it. Set your sights on whatever it is and don’t let go, no matter what gets in your way. There is no reason why any woman should have difficulty getting what they wants in this world.
Women have been living behind the scenes for too long, letting their "woman-ness" hold them back from pursuing their dreams. I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, determination, flexibility, and sense of humor, and the personality traits that we naturally possess, give us all the tools that we need to get what we want in the world.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
