The Art Of Happy: 4 Simple Habits Of Naturally Shiny, Happy People
The habits of people who glow from within.
Christin Noelle | Unsplash I’m into "rubber bracelet causes: as much as the next girl, and I saw one on a friend that I think is really cool. It said: “Complaint-Free Living.” Basically, the idea is to change your life for the better by learning how to stop complaining.
I suspect it comes from Bill Bowen’s book, A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted. He suggests that people shift a complaint-free world, or “CFW” band from one wrist to the other every time they complain until, as the movement suggests, "they have managed to go twenty-one consecutive days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping.”
It’s no easy task. I recall a class with an Indian yoga master, T.K.V. Desikachar. We discussed, of all things, the struggle to keep calm in a long line at the grocery store. His message was to bring a 'yoga way' into our daily lives. For him, a positive attitude is a way of being. It is his choice every day.
Over the course of a few years, after an intentional decision to start looking for the positive, I can vouch for its benefit to my life. It adds pleasure, increases productivity, and has made my personality more naturally happy and shiny.
Here are 4 simple habits of naturally shiny, happy people:
1. They notice when they start criticizing or gossiping
When you become aware of it, pay attention to your next instinct. Do you jump to criticize yourself? It’s a positive step to take responsibility for your actions, but not by self-contempt. That just feeds the cycle.
Happy people have developed an almost musical ear for their own negativity, where they catch themselves mid-complaint like noticing a wrong note in a familiar song. These people still vent when they genuinely need to process something difficult. A 2019 study suggested that the difference is that they can distinguish between productive processing and recreational negativity.
2. They pause before complaining
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If you’re not sure if it’s a complaint, ask yourself, “What purpose will it serve to say this out loud?” More than likely, if it’s a complaint, it won’t improve anything. The fascinating part is how this habit transforms their entire perspective.
A 2022 study explained that when you stop reinforcing negative observations by speaking them aloud, they lose their power. Without the theatrical retelling, these minor frustrations fade quickly instead of becoming the story of your day. Happy people understand that your words don't just describe your reality, they actively shape it.
3. They handle negative thoughts differently
Change your approach. Is there another way to see the situation? Naturally happy people aren't immune to negative thoughts; they just handle them differently. This isn't about forcing fake cheerfulness or dismissing genuine problems. Research has found that it's about recognizing that most situations have multiple angles, and they get to choose which one to focus on.
4. They practice the Golden Rule on themselves
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They treat themselves like they would treat other people: well. When you notice you have slipped into the negative (and let’s be serious, you’re human and you will), try something crazy, like laughing out loud. After all, learning to laugh with yourself is about as positive as life can get.
They extend the same benefit of the doubt to themselves that they'd give anyone else, understanding that being human means being beautifully, ridiculously imperfect. A 2020 study explained that they've learned that self-compassion isn't self-indulgence; it's the foundation that makes genuine kindness to others sustainable.
Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster, founders of ImpactParents.com, teach/write about practical strategies to parents of “complex” kids with ADHD and related challenges. To help your kids find the motivation to get anything done, download their free parents' guide, The Parents’ Guide to Motivating Your Complex Child.
