5 ‘Adulting’ Realities Older Generations Handled Without Complaining That Younger People Still Whine About
alessandrobiascioli | Canva I’ve been hearing about “adulting” from many people, as in, “I spent all morning at the bank, getting the car washed, and taking my mother’s emotional support animal to the vet… #adulting.” When I thought about the realities older generations handled without complaining that younger people still whine about, I realized this “adulting” wasn’t just a passing linguistic hiccup or a joke about growing up.
Some people have complained about the adulting term. They find it problematic, but one could see it, instead, as ironically self-reflective. Yet, there’s more to adulting than living away from your parents, renting an apartment, or buying a car. Even 40-somethings who have achieved success can still be caught complaining about these things.
Here are 5 ‘adulting’ realities older generations handled without complaining that younger people still whine about:
1. Older generations handled their feelings
“Adulting” reflects not only a set of adult-like behaviors but that feeling you get when you’re doing something because it’s mature and it feels like a stretch. To critics of the term, maybe it “shouldn’t” be a stretch to go to the post office and mail a package to Aunt Ruth. But it can still feel like one when you have a million other things you’d rather be doing.
Everyone matures in their own unique way. For some people, certain “adulting” tasks simply feel more difficult and draining. Adulting also captures the overwhelmingly negative feeling accompanying a day in which you do a lot of things that you couldn't care less about doing. When you take time to do those things, it’s a sign of maturity. You’re overcoming your FOMO on the fun stuff.
2. Older generations handled their responsibilities
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The term may be so apt because many millennials and others are marrying or committing later. When you marry young, in the beginning, it’s kind of like playing house. It may be the first time either of you has lived away from family except for college, which doesn’t involve the myriad tasks of real, independent living.
There’s some fun to divvying up chores and responsibilities, but there are still two of you to get it all done. Instead, you may be living alone where there is no division of labor. You must pay your own bills, decide whether to buy a car, and what kind of vacation you can afford, all while doing your laundry, cleaning your place, and having a life — oh, yes, and working a real job.
Managing life really does involve a lot, and adulting seems like a good way to express one’s pleasure in being responsible, and displeasure at having to be. That probably accounts for the 40-somethings still complaining about adulting. One study of shifting responsibilities from parent to child helped explain how being responsible can wear you down at any age.
3. Older generations handled their relationships
It’s not just about chores. There are also interpersonal behaviors that say, “adulting.” These include things like confronting a co-worker with a conflict, speaking up in meetings, and breaking up face-to-face instead of ghosting someone. This is understandable since research has found that "interpersonal conflict strongly predicts workplace ostracism."
Maybe attaching #adulting to the post about the dinner party you gave for eight of your partner’s co-workers is simply a way to call it what it is: It’s necessary, but a complete bore. Dinner parties are synonymous with “adulting,” as are "things I do for my partner because I’m in an adult relationship."
4. Older generations handled their choices
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On your day off, you might choose to go to the movies, have dinner with a friend, or day-trip to the beach. Fun, right? Instead, you could choose among food shopping, cooking, cleaning, going to the dentist, or having the oil changed in your car. Ugh, right? Sometimes you give up the fun and the easy to do the responsible, grown-up thing, because you know it’s the right choice. Like forgoing social media time in favor of the pursuits of adulthood, it’s a challenge.
5. Older generations handled their behavior
One reason you bother “adulting” is that no one will really take you seriously if you’re not doing these things, including you. Adulting is a signal to the world that you’re independent. When you’re taking care of business, you get to experience a feeling of freedom.
Of course, many of these things have to be done, but why not smirk a little as you add #adulting? Research has shown it feels good to take control of your destiny and act like a grown-up, whether you're a young or an older person learning how to adult!
You may be pleasantly surprised (at any age) to do a task heretofore thought to be impossible. Did I really take my dad to the emergency room and handle everything that needed to be done without collapsing in a heap on the toxic, germ-infested floor? High fives to you. It might mean you’re a lot more capable than you thought… #adulting!
Dr. Judith Tutin is a psychologist and certified life coach who offers life coaching and psychotherapy services to address divorce recovery, relationship stress, parenting challenges, work-life balance issues, health and wellness concerns, and living a happy and fulfilled life.
