People Who Cannot Keep A Secret To Save Their Lives Usually Have 8 Redeeming Traits
Olha Nosova / Shutterstock Keeping secrets can sometimes be a healthy test of loyalty, but they can also feel like a burden to such an extent that they end up ruining relationships over time.
We often test relationships by asking people to keep things between us, but sometimes, asking someone to be secretive isn't the best test of character. In fact, most people who cannot keep a secret to save their lives have redeeming traits we forget in the aftershock of disappointment when those secrets come to light.
People who can't keep a secret to save their own lives often have several redeeming traits that make up for it:
1. They look out for their people
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Especially when a secret directly harms someone they love or respect, it’s pretty easy to justify breaking a promise to help the people they love. They look out for their people and have a strong sense of loyalty, and while that might conflict with secrets they promised to keep, in their closest relationships, it’s a superpower.
These people don’t pledge loyalty to others just to keep secrets and gossip behind closed doors.
2. They’re honest
Someone who struggles with keeping secrets is typically an open book in all parts of their lives. They don’t like hiding things, or rather, they feel like they can’t hide things without being found out.
People like this often cannot mask their authentic body language and nonverbal cues, so they can’t physically hold onto a secret without setting off alarm bells for others. It might be annoying to have your confidential beliefs constantly spread around, but in general, it’s a redeeming trait to be open, expressive, and honest.
3. They say what they mean
Direct communication, even when challenging and uncomfortable, is a kindness in most relationships. Even when it sparks a hard conversation or offers something that’s not always easy for anyone to hear, this kind of directness without deceit or avoidance is healthy.
These people aren't interested in sugarcoating things for comfort or people-pleasing to avoid their own feelings. Their directness isn’t always easy or well-received, but for the sake of understanding and being on the same page, it’s essential for them.
4. They wear their emotions on their sleeve
When someone’s easy to read and expresses their emotions transparently, of course, they’re terrible at keeping secrets. They don’t know how to hide or suppress feelings, and when the guilt or shame of holding onto a secret around someone bubbles up, there’s no faking it.
While it might disappoint the person whose secret they’re holding onto when they express it, generally expressing how they feel externally is great for their health.
5. They don’t play mind games with anyone
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While gossip and certain secrets aren’t 100% bad all of the time, many people who struggle to keep secrets prefer to avoid it. Especially when a secret gets wrapped up in another person’s mind games or a manipulative ruse, of course, someone with a moral compass isn’t interested in keeping it.
They don’t want to be involved in deceiving anyone. They care about how a secret might affect someone else, especially if it’s someone they love and trust, and they probably won't commit to keeping it.
6. They’re comfortable with hard conversations
Even if breaking a promise and sharing a secret creates awkwardness, people who’d prefer to be open and communicative can handle it. They’re comfortable with hard conversations. Otherwise, they’d be a lot more intentional about hiding these secrets and issues inside of themselves.
They say what they mean, even if that means having a hard conversation or starting a conflict that requires discomfort to resolve.
7. They avoid resentment
When feelings go unspoken and people suppress issues that need to be resolved, they create a breeding ground for resentment. We start blaming others for our inner turmoil and sabotaging our energy, all because we’re afraid of revealing a secret or speaking the truth out loud.
While breaking trust and sharing a secret out loud can be problematic in its own nuanced ways, many people with this consistent struggle can’t handle suppressing anything. They don’t like dealing with tension just because they’re not supposed to bring something up or spark an argument.
8. They protect their energy
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It often takes a lot more energy to keep up with a lie and be deceitful than it does to just tell the truth. That’s why the kinds of people who are truly protective of their emotional energy aren’t the best at keeping secrets, because they’re not willing to avoid topics and suppress worries to protect someone else’s mind games or manipulation.
Especially when gossip sparks negative feelings that only get more contagious the more they’re spread, they’re going to stop a secret in its tracks for everyone’s sake.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
