If Two People Truly Love Each Other From The Depths Of Their Soul, They Know Better Than To Ever Do These 7 Things
Certain behaviors are simply off-limits if you want a relationship to last long-term.
filadendron | Canva There's a difference between loving someone and truly loving them from the depths of your soul. When two people share that rare kind of love, the kind that sees and honors each other's essence, certain behaviors become impossible.
These boundaries aren't enforced from the outside; they come naturally from a place of respect and care for the precious connection you've built together. According to the married co-authors of Eight Lessons For A Happier Marriage, William and Carleen Glasser, avoiding these seven bad habits is critical when you have a love meant for the long haul.
If two people truly love each other from the depths of their souls, they know better than to ever do these 7 things:
1. Criticize
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You're wearing that to dinner? You lost another client? Do you really need dessert?
Your marriage — or at least your spouse — may be falling victim to criticism. Let your poor partner be. Easing up will increase his self-esteem and decrease tension in your relationship.
Criticism can destroy the foundation of a marriage because it attacks the person, not the problem. Instead of addressing a specific behavior, criticism can come across as blame-y or judge-y, leaving your partner feeling defensive or even ashamed. In healthy partnerships where deep love lives, partners focus on expressing their needs and feelings without making the other person feel insignificant.
2. Blame
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If you'd taken the dog out, he wouldn't have peed on the rug! You didn't tell me we're out of milk! If you didn't snore, I wouldn't be so tired!
Give credit where credit is due, but choose your battles. Before you attack him, determine whether his actions warrant blame, whether the benefits of identifying who is at fault outweigh the means.
If your motivation is self-satisfaction, redirect your energy toward remedying the situation. Renowned American psychologist Dr. John Gottman's research on couples identifies four communication patterns that are highly predictive of divorce. Blame is a central component of criticism and defensiveness.
3. Complain
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This apartment makes me claustrophobic! My jeans are too tight. My boss hates me.
Listen to yourself. Yes, you are coming across as a downer and a miserable person to be around if all you project is negativity 24/7. If you wouldn't want to listen to your endless list of complaints, neither does your husband. File away your complaints and try your best to focus on the positive parts of your life.
Constant complaining can be toxic in a relationship because it shifts the focus from problem-solving to negativity, making the relationship feel more like a burden than a partnership. When one or both partners are always pointing out what's wrong or nitpicking little irritations, it creates an atmosphere of dissatisfaction and drains the joy from everyday interactions.
4. Nag
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Put your dishes in the dishwasher. Have you gotten the mail? Call your mother.
Instead of constantly harassing your husband with demands, sit down with him to divide and conquer household responsibilities once and for all. If chores stack up throughout the day while you're apart, make a list for him and prepare yourself for seeing his tasks carried out at his convenience, not yours.
Researchers have explained that nagging is a communication issue, not a sign that partners don't love each other. The behavior typically escalates into a pattern that erodes trust and intimacy over time.
5. Threaten
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If I pick up one more pair of your socks off the floor — so help me God! — I'll divorce you! Fine. Go to sleep. I'll just call [insert name of cute co-worker or former boyfriend] the next time.
Throwing around the "D" word — or "I" word, infidelity — will only put you both on edge. Imagine life without your husband before you pull out that lethal, hurtful weapon.
Threatening a partner, whether it's with divorce, withdrawal of affection, or other ultimatums, creates fear instead of safety in a marriage. Love can only thrive in an environment of trust, but threats send the message that the relationship is conditional and can be taken away at any moment.
6. Punish
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He leaves his wet towel on the ground, and you put it on his pillowcase. He tracks in mud, and you throw out his shoes.
While vengeful punishments may have passed as play in summer camp or been accepted among siblings, spouse rivalry leads to nothing but sour feelings. Grow up and give up on the passive aggression.
A 2017 study explained that punishment introduces fear and power imbalances, which are antithetical to a secure, loving bond. Punitive behaviors can include withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, or using passive-aggressive actions.
7. Bribe
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If you come to the party, I'll make it worth it later. If you get a haircut cut I'll start shaving my legs again.
If you think you will whip your husband into shape by using weapons such as affection or intimacy, think again. Bribery is damaging in a marriage because it turns love and partnership into a transaction instead of a genuine connection. When one partner uses rewards or incentives to control the other's behavior, it undermines trust and creates a dynamic of manipulation rather than mutual respect.
Try channeling bribery into compromise and thinking not what your husband can do for you, but what you can do together as a couple.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.
