Adults Who Can’t Handle Real Life Usually Heard 9 Phrases Often As Kids
Julia Zavalishina | Shutterstock Most healthy children grow into adults who can take responsibility for their actions. Sure, they may whine about taxes or the challenges of dating on the apps, but for the most part, they've got everything covered. Some people, however, feel like they just can't handle real life, even when they're adults.
Often, these children were coddled and prevented from facing the consequences of their actions. Now, older but not all that much wiser, they can attribute some of their downfall to these nine unhelpful phrases.
Phrases adults who can't handle real life heard as kids
1. 'Let me do it for you'
pics five | Shutterstock
Real life isn't sunshine and rainbows, and parents can't protect their children forever. I know it's hard to let go, but a child eventually needs to spread their wings. That's why hearing "let me do it for you" often as a kid can cause problems in adulthood.
While there's nothing wrong with helping kids every once in a while, doing it constantly is a red flag. It prevents kids from growing into adults who feel confident in their own abilities to solve problems.
Kids need to learn independence to thrive. In a 2021 study researchers discovered that children who show high levels of independence have greater self-esteem, confidence, and motivation. That's why it's unhealthy to baby them too much as they grow up. As they become adolescents and young adults, they need more freedom to make choices, even if they're bad (with some guardrails, of course!).
That way, when they're on their own, they'll be equipped to handle life's challenges.
2. 'You're too young to worry about that'
fast-stock | Shutterstock
Yes, kids should be allowed to be kids. They shouldn't have to worry about body image or their parents' financial woes. They shouldn't have to act like mini-adults.
In an ideal world, parents could keep their children sheltered for decades, but that's not life. They'll have smartphones and stranger danger and so many other things you cannot control, and they need a parent's guidance on how to handle them.
Adults who were told they're too young to know the facts of life or about the threats of the real world often grow up to be totally clueless (and not in a cute way). Stumbling through life lost, they probably wish they had learned all the hard lessons in adolescence.
3. 'We don't talk about things like that'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Are there things inappropriate to discuss with your kids? Absolutely. Depending on their age, revealing too much about the birds and bees or even the things potential "bad guys" do might scar them for life.
That's why during moments like these, it's okay to set boundaries and say, "Let's revisit this when you're a little older" and just cover the age-appropriate aspects of the conversation. But straight up saying "we don't talk about things like that"? Well, that's a dangerous phrase for a kid.
Kids are naturally curious. Natural sponges at heart, the need to learn is engraved in all children. That's why it's important not to shield them too much. Sure, some topics might be hard or uncomfortable to talk about. But the ability to tolerate discomfort is essential for navigating relationships in adulthood, as is the knowledge that their parents won't shame them for needing to talk about uncomfortable things.
After all, if they can't talk to their parents about these topics, then they'll have nobody to turn to when something goes wrong or if they need help.
4. 'I'll always be there to help you'
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
This phrase can go either way. Good parents who raise healthy kids will say it to mean that they will always be there to listen and support, and maybe even help their child figure out the next best step in solving a problem.
But some parents say it and mean "you'll never need to face the consequences of your actions". As you can imagine, that leads to very bad outcomes, as we've seen in the media plenty of times.
Finally, the truth is that life is unpredictable. Children can move out of the country, and financial circumstances change. Parents may get sick or even pass away and then their child will be on his or her own. That's why it's important to prepare your kids for adulthood.
Yes, they need to be financially independent and learn how to build credit. While it's unpleasant to teach, kids who aren't taught it struggle as adults. Because they can't do the basics, everything in real life becomes a lot harder.
5. 'You don't have to do things you don't like'
Pressmaster | Shutterstock
Kids turn into adults at some point. No matter how much some parents wish they could keep their kids little, each child must spread their wings eventually.
That's why it's dangerous for kids to hear "you don't have to do things you don't like" with any regularity. The truth is, adulthood comes with responsibilities that are rarely enjoyable. Filing their taxes and paying their mortgage isn't exactly exciting. Neither is scheduling your doctor appointments, cleaning your teeth or owning up to your mistakes. Still, these things must be done.
Luckily, children whose parents encouraged independence are already ahead of the curve. They've built confidence and know they can handle difficult things. Unlike kids who were babied, they grew up constantly hearing that they can do hard things.
Even better, they learn how to differentiate things they don't like from things that feel wrong, a crucial skill for future happiness and health.
6. 'You don't need to explain yourself'
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock
Nobody wants to sit there and give a five-page essay on why they did what they did, especially when they made a mistake. Vulnerability is already uncomfortable enough. But people who embrace vulnerability like this experience more personal growth.
That's why parents mustn't say "you don't need to explain yourself" when a kid makes a mistake or a bad choice. Sometimes we all need to explain ourselves, especially in relationships where we depend on and care about one another.
If kids want to grow into adults who have little difficulty in real life, they'd better get used to explaining themselves. Even if it's annoying, it's better to be direct than engage in avoidant behavior.
7. 'Just follow your heart and everything will work out'
Olena Yakobchuk | Shutterstock
This is such a sweet line, I wish I could say it were healthy for kids to hear. Sadly, adult life is much more nuanced.
Tollowing your heart is good in movies. For the heroine, following her heart works out 99% of the time. Unfortunately, in the real world, life works a lot differently. While it's important to do what you love, you gotta be realistic. It sucks, but you can't just quit your job and decide to do sidewalk are all day.
It takes time, patience, and skill to get to where you need to be. That's why parents shouldn't encourage reckless behavior by saying "just follow your heart and everything will work out."
Unless they want their children's lives to be difficult, they should aim to be realistic. That doesn't mean their kids can't follow their passions. Doing sidewalk art and putting it on social media might become a career, or it might just be something they love to do that brings them joy. Either way, the bills still need to be paid.
8. 'You shouldn't have to figure that out on your own'
Halfpoint | Shutterstock
Parents might want to protect their child from hardships, but a little hardship never hurts anyone. Sure, it's unpleasant, but according to UW Health psychologist Shilagh Mirgain, "research has found that up to 70 percent of people experience positive psychological growth from difficult times, such as a deeper sense of self and purpose."
That's why parents should encourage their children to figure it out on their own from time to time. Even if it's tough, their adult children will thank them. Not only does it build resilience, but it also helps them handle real life better than children who were coddled.
9. 'You don't need to worry about how much that costs'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Sure, when a child is two, they shouldn't think about money. Even if money is tight, they should be allowed to enjoy their childhood without thinking about the cost of their favorite plush animal.
But the older they get, the more they should be aware of money. Not in a "we're broke, eat that cereal for dinner" kinda way. But more in a "You should really learn how to budget" kinda way.
As experts at the Bob Burdette Center write, "By creating a budget and learning to stick to it, kids can learn to manage their money effectively and become financially responsible adults." That's why parents shouldn't say, "You don't need to worry about how much that costs." It might be in good faith, but kids who hear this turn into adults who can't handle real life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
