Kids Whose Parents Yell At Them A Lot Usually Say 9 Phrases In Public
Sergei Kolesnikov | Shutterstock Most people wouldn’t be able to make it through parenting without yelling every now and then. It’s not an effective way to communicate when that’s all they do, though.
Relying on yelling ruins the connection that children could have with their parents. Even if they think they hide it well, the things kids say will always give away the lack of safety and trust they feel.
Kids who say these phrases in public probably have parents who yell at them all the time:
1. ‘Please don’t be mad’
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Most children are generally pretty upbeat and only associate their parents being angry with the times when they’ve really misbehaved. It’s not something that they would worry about in response to a small mistake.
When parents yell at their kids all the time, they’re instilling fear in their children to get them to do the right thing. They’re also probably reacting from a place of fear themselves because they’re concerned about what kind of trouble their kids could get into.
This makes it hard for kids to grow with confidence, which is part of why they seem to have a different set of reactions than the average child. Making adults mad is a constant fear of theirs, and they do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn’t happen.
2. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll fix it’
Hearing a child say they’ll fix something can be deceptive. Most people’s first thought would be that they’re just an independent thinker, not that they’re trying to avoid their parents blowing up.
It is important for parents to help their kids learn to solve problems on their own, but in a supportive way. Expecting them to jump into action over every little thing that could be considered bad isn’t the same. That’s the result of a toxic environment where they feel like they’re always on edge.
3. ‘I promise I won’t do it again’
One of the main things parents can do to build confidence in their kids is to always encourage them to try new things. But a big part of doing something new is accepting that mistakes will be made.
If a child is used to being yelled at every time they mess up, they won’t have the confidence needed to try new things in the first place. Mistakes are inevitable, though, so they’ll be ready with a promise to do better to try to keep the situation from escalating.
4. ‘It wasn’t my fault’
People get defensive at any age when they’re trying to protect themselves. It’s often caused by growing up with parents who were way too hard on them.
A phrase like “it wasn’t my fault” sends the message that in that child’s house, someone always gets blamed for everything that goes wrong, and most of the time it’s probably them. They feel the need to defend themselves before there’s even an accusation because they know they’ll be yelled at otherwise.
5. ‘I’ll just be quiet’
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Most of us can probably remember a time when our parents, or even a teacher, encouraged us to play the quiet game. As kids, it gave us a goal to work towards, while also giving the adults in charge a much-needed peaceful break.
Think about a child feeling like their whole life was the quiet game. It’s pretty typical for kids to get quiet when they feel overwhelmed instead of becoming disruptive like we might expect. Feeling the need to do that and say that’s the plan shows their talkative moments have been met with yelling before.
6. ‘Are you sure it’s alright?’
When kids seek reassurance over small, inconsequential things, they’re probably stuck in a cycle of feeling very anxious. They ask for reassurance because they think it will make them feel better, but it’s only temporary.
It’s not hard to see how that could apply to a child who’s used to being yelled at. They would naturally feel pretty anxious about the possibility of their parents losing their tempers again, which leaves them asking for reassurance from the people who don’t know the answer themselves.
7. ‘I’ll do it myself’
No one really enjoys asking for help, so it makes sense children try to avoid it, too. When a kid is a perfectionist, they start to think needing help makes them look weak.
This is why parents need to step in and teach their children how to ask for help and why it’s not a bad thing to do. But parents who yell all the time are sending the message that it’s not safe to even ask.
Kids in this situation might become hyper-independent and try to do everything on their own. It’s not realistic at their age, but it’s what they think is necessary.
8. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that’
Even if a child hasn’t done anything that actually warrants an apology, it wouldn’t be surprising if they offered one anyway if they think they’ll be misunderstood. It’s like they’re providing an excuse just in case anyone does get upset over something innocent.
One of the biggest reasons kids do this is because they think it’s the best way for them to keep their parents happy and not be punished, maybe by being yelled at. Apologizing will become an automatic reflex for them that’s like a survival instinct.
9. ‘Just forget I said anything’
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There are some fears that are normal during childhood that parents can help their kids work through. For example, a lot of kids are afraid of the dark, and their parents can give them the support they need to eventually move on from that.
Being afraid of expressing themselves is definitely not something kids should feel. If they’re quick to take back the things that they say, it means that they’ve learned to expect consequences for speaking up in the past. They might have been yelled at for saying the most basic thing, and they aren’t eager for it to happen again.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
