People With Zero Emotional Discipline Usually Say 8 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Ömer BÜLBÜL | Pexels Feeling and accepting our emotions is important, but that doesn't mean they need to govern every decision we make.
Our emotions don't need to control our lives, and cultivating a sense of emotional discipline that works for us prevents them from taking over. But some people with no emotional discipline say all sorts of phrases and act on complicated emotions. They don't often choose how they feel, and it's an anxious, unpredictable way to live.
Phrases people with zero emotional discipline say casually
1. 'I can't help how I feel'
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Many people with a lack of emotional discipline take away their own autonomy by saying "I can't help how I feel." In reality, they can.
We have the power to control how we feel to some extent, and always how we respond and act on our feelings. But these people tend to believe emotions are facts and that others are responsible for creating space for them.
2. 'I just need to be honest'
Suppressing emotions and never facing them has all kinds of consequences. But that doesn't mean you need to express them out loud for others to hear. If expressing them puts emotional burdens on others or eventually needs to be walked back, sometimes that emotional expression isn't the answer.
Honesty doesn't mean expressing all your emotions to everyone around you. Instead, it means reflecting on them and being honest when patterns of behavior or hurt feelings consistently come up.
Your emotions are yours to take accountability for, especially when they're fleeting and intense without a clear reason.
3. 'That's just how I am'
Someone with no emotional discipline often tries to justify what they said impulsively or how they acted with a strong emotion after the fact. "That's just how I am when I'm angry" doesn't really justify the behaviors, but it's still an excuse they use when it's clear they said the wrong things.
Just because someone doesn't have any discipline to cope with complicated feelings on their own, it doesn't mean it's okay for them to harm others by trying to externalize them. You aren't entitled to emotional accommodation just because you're being open with your feelings.
4. 'I can't just let it go'
They're acting on and expressing their feelings without any discipline, but they aren't necessarily understanding them. In the heat of the emotion bubbling up, they're saying things they wouldn't otherwise if they had time to reflect, and that can be destructive.
They get hung up on the same issues over and over again because they're never really internalizing anything. "I just can't let it go" is their way of admitting "I don't want to handle this on my own."
5. 'I'm not going to fake it'
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When someone chooses not to act on or express how they feel, that's not to say they're faking anything. If it's the wrong place and the wrong time to truly deal with emotions or seek closure, healthy people have to exercise some emotional discipline.
That doesn't mean they're faking nice or suppressing the feeling entirely. It simply means they're compartmentalizing in small, healthy doses.
6. 'I just need to vent'
Venting can be healthy, but when it doesn't come with any personal reflection, it becomes a toxic cycle of negativity. Similar to chronic complaining, where someone gives their emotions and thoughts too much time without ever taking steps to mediate them, venting can spark more stress and inner turmoil than it's worth.
For someone who can't help but express every passing emotion or let it influence how they show up in social situations, you'll often hear "I just need to vent" as an excuse for them to complain and gain attention for whatever they're feeling.
7. 'I'm not in the mood'
If your social battery is drained or you're dealing with chronic stress, canceling plans to protect yourself is often a healthy choice. But people with little emotional discipline let small glimpses of anxiety and tiredness influence how they show up for people in their lives. And they end up actively sabotaging their relationships.
Sometimes, to support the people in our lives, we have to be willing to inconvenience ourselves. We have to find a way to deal with our discomfort and complex emotions without saying "I quit" or "I don't feel like it" immediately.
Yes, honesty when canceling with friends is necessary, but that doesn't mean being in a bad mood or feeling a little bit tired is a great justification, especially when it happens over and over again.
8. 'I needed a little treat'
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People lacking emotional discipline are the same people who rely on misguided coping mechanisms for dealing with their feelings. They believe that every emotion they feel is a fact worthy of taking over behavior, when there are some that may be better dealt with, without impulsive action.
Many people are stuck in a cycle of reacting to their emotions, rather than truly leaning in to handle them. They distract themselves with their phones or buy something to ease the pain, but they're not doing anything healing.
For small moments of discomfort or anxiety that don't need to be healed, choosing not to self-soothe is the right answer at times.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
