Mentally & Emotionally Complex Thinkers Do 9 Frustrating Things In Otherwise Healthy Relationships
cottonbro studio | Pexels Every couple in a healthy relationship works hard to keep it that way. Despite their own insecurities and past mistakes, they push forward to maintain a high level of respect and trust. While many relationships like this last, people who are mentally and emotionally complex thinkers complicate things a bit.
They notice things others miss and spend time trying to understand nuances. And while those traits make them thoughtful and emotionally aware, in an otherwise healthy relationship, it can create unnecessary friction.
Complex thinkers often do these frustrating things in an otherwise healthy relationship
1. They struggle to enjoy the moment
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Complex thinkers can never enjoy the moment. They're too caught up in their anxious thoughts, going in circles until they drive themselves insane. But they aren't trying to annoy their partner, they just process their emotions in a different way.
As psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein explained, "Overthinkers usually think their spiral means something is deeply wrong. In reality... the original trigger is frequently mundane... Because the feeling never got acknowledged, the brain keeps returning to the scene. It hunts for a resolution that can come only from acknowledging the feelings, not from seeking certainty in an uncertain world."
2. They look for problems where there are none
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When someone is a complex thinker, they tend to ruminate in their feelings. They can't let go of their anxiety because they've lived in survival mode for so long. So, they tend to look for problems where none exist. They don't thrive on drama, it's their mind refusing to settle in.
When someone has stressors like financial pressure or comparison culture, their body stays "locked in sympathetic mode with no clear off-switch." They can't just relax.
3. They need more time to process their emotions
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Complex thinkers have a lot on their minds, and not many healthy ways to process it. They need more time to deal with their emotions than the average person, and they can't shut their brain off and bounce back to normal.
In their relationships, this can cause issues and frustrate their partner. It isn't looking at the situation through a different lens, it's trying to calm down their nervous system for long enough to figure out how they feel and where they want to go next.
4. They notice subtle changes that others miss
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Prone to overanalyzing, these people notice the subtle changes in everyday behaviors. They pick up on when someone is sad or tense, and may even absorb those emotions if they have empathic tendencies.
They don't mean to pry, but their overthinking has made them hyper-aware of their surroundings. They're quick to ask others if they're okay and get involved in helping them. Their partner may become frustrated, but all they really want is reassurance that their worries aren't becoming a reality.
5. They turn simple disagreements into deep conversations
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It isn't enough to calmly talk about something and get over it. For deep thinkers, simple disagreements turn into deep conversations. They feel a lot and don't know how to process it properly, so they keep going in circles. It can become annoying for their partner during an argument, especially when there's no resolution.
They need to feel heard. Feeling heard is a cornerstone of healthy relationships and is crucial for self-development. Unfortunately, when someone thinks this way, they don't know when enough is enough.
6. They can't just let it go
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In an ideal world, once an argument is over, that's the end of it. You hug and don't think twice about it. Even if it caused you some annoyance, you'd understand that good relationships have ups and downs. So, choosing to give grace, you take the high road and move forward instead.
Never looking back, you wouldn't struggle to let it go as complex thinkers do. They need time to process everything and will drag a situation on until it impacts their relationship. Revisiting the same topic over and over, they only stop once they've come to terms with their emotions, even if their partner is beyond frustrated.
7. They over-explain themselves
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Along with anxiety, complex thinkers also have people-pleasing tendencies. They can't just say "I don't care" and move on. Instead, they have to explain every single thought they have and the process that brought them there. Their inner voice is overwhelming.
Even if their partner seems annoyed with them going on and on, these thinkers will continue. They may violate boundaries and feel guilty, but they still think they owe people an explanation.
8. They turn needing reassurance into another question
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There's nothing wrong with wanting reassurance from a partner. When done correctly, it can calm doubts. But needing constant reassurance can take a toll on the relationship. For deep thinkers who need validation like this, it becomes an endless cycle where they're never satisfied.
Probing and asking question after question, it isn't easy dealing with their insecurities. Even if their relationship is healthy, over time it can break their partner down.
9. They create hypothetical scenarios
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Complex thinkers are intelligent and deal with problems logically. They want to expand their knowledge, but because of the way they process information, it's hard for them not to overthink. They'll create hypothetical scenarios in their minds and ask their partner strange questions as a result.
Anxious, they'll ask difficult questions or wind themselves up coming up with situations that will likely never happen. They need to know what they should do in any scenario, good or bad, and after a while, their partner becomes increasingly frustrated.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
