Kids Raised By Emotionally Needy Parents Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
Aa Dil | Pexels Needy, emotionally immature parents praise their kids for all the wrong things.
Instead of encouraging them to express their emotions, they prioritize people-pleasing. Kids like this struggle with insecurity later in life because their well-being was dependent on their parents' moods. There are even certain habits these kids rely on in adulthood that continue to sabotage their happiness.
Habits that kids raised by emotionally needy parents carry into adulthood
1. They blame themselves for everything
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Many kids with childhood trauma and neglectful parents develop a tendency toward self-blame. It feels like a misguided form of control.
Even when everything is going wrong around them, blaming themselves feels like a secure way to handle complex feelings and conflict, rather than trying to set a boundary or express themselves.
They believe other people's bad moods are their fault. They blame themselves for conflict and arguments. They over-apologize.
It's all because their most impressionable years were defined by parents who relied on their kids to feel secure and comfortable all the time.
2. They struggle to say 'no'
Emotionally needy parents take and take from their kids, giving them little space to advocate for their own needs. They learn a misguided truth: that their emotions and needs are less important than everyone else's.
Even though it's not true, that's the mentality they bring with them into adulthood. So, it's no surprise that they end up with people-pleasing habits when they become adults.
They're used to monitoring other people's emotions. They feel responsible for people's happiness, much like they did with their parents, even when it comes at their own expense.
3. They prefer to do things alone
Parentified children, whose parents expect them to mature too early or neglect them emotionally, tend to grow into hyper-independent adults.
They're protective of their energy because they didn't have a choice but to feel out of control at the hands of their parents growing up. It's a relief when they don't have to consider someone else's emotions at the expense of their own.
4. They cling to trends for belonging
Many people who didn't have a safe space to experiment and get to know themselves growing up struggle with self-worth today. They lean on misguided vices or using trends for validation, and cope by finding belonging and misguided connection in the wrong places.
Their parents were the center of attention growing up, and they never felt empowered to be their most authentic selves. Now, they're trying to figure out who they are as adults. And with all the complicated feelings of insecurity and blame following them around, it's not easy.
5. They struggle with boundaries
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Parents who are emotionally needy overstep all kinds of unspoken boundaries with their kids. On top of expecting them to mature and be a third parent, they need their kids to always be available when they need something.
Even in adulthood, these parents show up unannounced and blame their kids for not being accessible. These kids struggle to stand up for themselves as adults.
They've been walked all over by the people they're supposed to be able to trust. They've been taught that they're less important, sabotaging their self-worth and ability to advocate for themselves.
6. They ignore their big feelings
Kids should feel safe to not only express their big feelings at home, but to ask their parents for support without feeling like a nuisance.
But kids with emotionally needy parents were taught that their emotions were less important. They felt pressured to suppress and avoid their emotions in favor of protecting their parents.
Without support from their parents to build emotional intelligence, they bring these misguided coping strategies into adulthood. They were demonized for making things about themselves by expressing their needs, so now, they let things bottle up.
7. They avoid vulnerability
For kids with needy parents, they often felt like an extension of them, instead of their own independent person. Their parents were the center of attention and took up a lot of emotional space.
In adulthood, these kids who didn't have a chance to get to know themselves or express their emotions learn to be afraid of vulnerability. They struggle to share details about their lives with others, both because they've learned to be distrustful but also because they aren't sure how.
8. They over-apologize
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Kids forced to walk on eggshells and put their parents' needs before their own end up as chronic people-pleasers as adults. They feel uncertain and insecure about their emotions, so when something goes wrong or they sense conflict, they're the first to take the blame.
It's a form of control, because instead of having a secure grasp on who they are and what they're feeling, they're compensating by trying to control the narrative or the people around them.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
