Fake Friends Who Are Secretly Jealous Of You Usually Use 10 Very Specific Phrases In Conversation
MDV Edwards | Shutterstock While most people in your life are honest and kind, you likely have one friend who seems like they cannot enjoy your happiness. They make weird little comments and generally ruin the vibe.
You don't want to assume they're jealous. You're not egotistical like that. But they'll casually say a few random phrases when you're doing well that feel passive-aggressive or say "I'm just joking!" after saying something mean. So keep an eye out for these, because you don't need that in your life.
Specific phrases fake friends who are secretly jealous of you use in conversation
1. 'I could never do something like that'
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Jealous friends don't know how to push aside their ego. They haven't begun to do the inner work to heal their relationship with themselves and that leads them to react before thinking.
When they say something like, "I could never do something like that" when you talk about an experience or one of your hopes or dreams, it's not to uplift you or show admiration, it's to make you feel silly or to demean you.
Jealous friends hate to see you happy, especially when you're happy about something they envy. Especially if you're doing something you love, they'll try to find a way to embarrass you by acting like what you do is shameful. They may even do it passive-aggressively, claiming it was flattering if you object. But you'll know the truth.
In the moment, it's used as a balm to heal their ego. As mental health consultant Steven Stosny, Ph.D. writes, "Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defense." But they should think twice before engaging in this toxic behavior. Not only is it unhelpful to themselves, but it destroys their relationship in the long run.
2. 'I'm surprised they chose you'
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There's no greater feeling than seeing your dedicated efforts pay off. At work, getting that promotion or the book deal or the special holiday bonus can feel exhilarating. In your relationships, finding someone who treats you like gold can be a Godsend.
But depending on who you hang around, this victorious moment can quickly sour, as jealous friends can't help but say, "I'm surprised they chose you" or some even sneakier way to ruin your fun.
They don't know how to accept the fact that you got one over them, especially in your finances or love life. That's because they feel entitled to your success and insecure about their own position in life. It isn't anything personal, though. At least not personal about you. In reality, it's their ego talking.
3. 'If you like it, I love it'
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Jealous friends aren't just hateful; they're fake, too. Rather than telling you the truth, fake friends play mind games with you. Beating around the bush, a go-to phrase they love to use is, "If you like it, I love it." In the moment, you may think they're just being helpful.
Could they tell you the truth and actually help you out? Sure, but where's the fun in that? In typical hater fashion, they'd rather have you look a mess than ever be honest with you. Playing it off, they'll have you convinced it's to spare your feelings. But if someone says this phrase, they aren't trying to be kind. Humbling you is an ego boost for them.
4. 'Wow, you're so lucky things always work out for you'
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Fake jealous friends can't accept that your hard work paid off. They don't want to admit that while they're failing in life, you're succeeding all on your own. Unable to be vulnerable and honest with themselves, they resort to petty phrases like, "Wow, you're so lucky things always work out for you," instead.
It isn't anything personal; they just haven't worked through their emotions. Highly insecure about their life, they're experiencing a decrease in subjective well-being. This is why they lash out and demean others. They're miserable, which is why they go out of their way to make others miserable, too.
5. 'Don't let it go to your head'
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Jealous friends are emotionally immature. They haven't broken down why they feel the way they do, so they react and try to take you down a notch.
Rather than admitting that how they're feeling is abnormal or unhealthy, they convince themselves you're the problem. This is why they go on a rampage and find a way to passive aggressively tell you that you have a big ego.
Because they don't have a healthy relationship with themselves, they can't tell the difference between a healthy ego and someone who's highly arrogant.
6. 'Good for you, I guess'
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It's normal to brag a little once you strike gold. Especially if you were in a season of losing, finally getting your due credit is worth celebrating.
While the right friends celebrate alongside you, jealous friends will almost always say, "Good for you, I guess." They may even say it as a joke, but you know in your heart they aren't joking. How they truly feel will seep out in their tone.
They can't be happy for your success. They know they ought to, but it's diminishing their already fragile self-esteem. It's awful, but they don't know how to be vulnerable. Avoiding their feelings like the plague, it's no wonder they're so passive-aggressive. The more they bottle up their emotions, the weaker their self-value and relationships become.
7. 'I liked you better before all this'
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Well, at least they're being honest with this one! They probably did like you better before you started finding success (or love, or anything else they're jealous of!).
They don't like how you are now, how confident you've become and how more self-aware you are. They miss the days when you were as miserable as they were.
They could grow alongside you, but jealous friends can't push aside their ego. Too stubborn to reflect, they'd rather place blame than take responsibility for their lack of maturity.
8. 'Must be nice'
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Most people work hard for what they have. We balance work and school and family and everything else, so being successful isn't usually by chance. Through many internships and late nights studying, you've gotten to where you are through sheer determination.
But rather than seeing it, fake friends say, "Must be nice," instead, implyihg you had some luck or leg-up that they did not.
There are many reasons why people get jealous. However, for most folks, it all boils down to insecurity. They're insecure about where they're at in life. Unable to sort through their feelings, they'd rather be passive-aggressive than attempt to be vulnerable with you.
9. 'I could do that, too, if I really wanted to. I just don't want to.'
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Most fake friends are a bit lazy, even if they don't realize it. Unlike others who push through their struggles, fake friends have millions of excuses for why they aren't successful ranging from their mom to their ex, it's an ego boost to blame others for their problems.
However, without fail, once you have a major glow-up in life, instead of congratulating you, jealous friends say, "I could do that too if I really wanted to."
It isn't that they aren't talented enough, it's that they aren't determined enough. Deep inside, jealous friends aren't envious of your accomplishments, they are envious of your drive.
They know they aren't motivated enough to rise above the challenges they face. This is why they try to humble others. If they can convince you that you aren't special, it'll make your success less significant.
10. 'I wouldn't get your hopes up'
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Jealous friends don't want to see you happy, no matter what they say. It isn't personal, they're just insecure people who don't know how to manage and regulate their own emotions. Rather than going to therapy for it, jealous friends say, "I wouldn't get your hopes up," instead when you're hoping for a good outcome with a special opportunity.
They send you all these bad vibes because they want to take you down a notch. Often they don't even realize they're doing it.
It doesn't matter if having hope brings you a sense of meaning, they'll take it away if they can in order to make themselves feel better. It's the only thing they know how to control, after all.
None of this is good, but fake and jealous friends don't change until they're ready. If you're dealing with someone like this, you can always confront them and try to see if they'll change. If not, it's up to you to get some space if their behavior (justifiably) upsets you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
