Parents Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Supportive Usually Say 29 Phrases To Their Kids In Casual Conversation
Изображения пользователя Альфира | Canva Many parents become intimately aware of the feeling of watching their children spiral over something that might seem small to our adult brains but is actually a terrifying obstacle to them. Maybe it's a test or their first birthday party with their school friends. The interesting thing about watching this anxiety play out is that most parents' instinct is almost always to try to fix it or to promise that everything is going to be fine.
Anxiety in kids is not a rare occurrence. Between the years 2016 and 2023, one study found parents of children 6-17 reported anxiety diagnoses from 8.2% to 12.8%. So what can parents do to help their kids? It starts and ends with what they say in the moment, and spoiler alert: most of these phrases that mentally & emotionally supportive parents rarely sound like reassurance.
Mentally and emotionally supportive parents usually say these things casually:
1. 'Worrying is helpful, sometimes'
Telling this to an already anxious child seems completely counterintuitive, but pointing out why anxiety is helpful reassures your children that there isn’t something wrong with them.
2. 'What does your thought bubble say?'
If your children read comics, they are familiar with thought bubbles and how they move the story along. By talking about their thoughts as third-party observers, they can gain perspective on them.
3. 'Let’s find some evidence'
Collecting evidence to support or refute your child’s reasons for anxiety helps your children see if their worries are based on fact.
4. 'Let’s have a debate'
Older children especially love this exercise because they have permission to debate with their parents. Have a point, counter-point style debate about the reasons for their anxiety. You may learn a lot about their reasoning in the process.
5. 'What is the first piece we need to worry about?'
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Anxiety often makes mountains out of molehills. One of the most important strategies for overcoming anxiety is to break the mountain back down into manageable chunks. In doing this, we realize the entire experience isn’t causing anxiety, just one or two parts.
6. 'Let’s list all of the people you love'
Novelist Anaïs Nin is credited with the quote: "Anxiety is love’s greatest killer." If that statement is true, then love is anxiety’s greatest killer as well. By recalling all of the people that your child loves and why, love will replace anxiety.
7. 'Remember when…'
Competence breeds confidence. Confidence quells anxiety. Helping your children recall a time when they overcame anxiety gives them feelings of competence and thereby confidence in their abilities.
8. 'I am proud of you already'
Knowing you are pleased with their efforts, regardless of the outcome, alleviates the need to do something perfectly, which is a source of stress for a lot of kids.
9. 'We’re going for a walk'
Exercise relieves anxiety for up to several hours as it burns excess energy, loosens tense muscles, and boosts mood. If your children can’t take a walk right now, have them run in place, bounce on a yoga ball, jump rope, or stretch.
10. 'Let’s watch your thoughts pass by'
Ask your children to pretend the anxious thought is a train that has stopped at the station above their heads. In a few minutes, like all trains, the thought will move on to its next destination.
11. 'I’m taking a deep breath'
Model a calming strategy and encourage your child to mirror you. If your children allow you, hold them to your chest so they can feel your rhythmic breathing and regulate theirs.
12. 'How can I help?'
Let your children guide the situation and tell you what calming strategy or tool they prefer in this situation.
13. 'This feeling will pass'
Often, children will feel like their anxiety is never-ending. Instead of shutting down, avoiding, or squashing the worry, remind them that relief is on the way.
14. 'Let’s squeeze this stress ball together'
When your children direct their anxiety to a stress ball, they feel emotional relief. Buy a ball, keep a handful of play dough nearby, or make your own homemade stress ball by filling a balloon with flour or rice.
15. 'I see Widdle is worried again. Let’s teach Widdle not to worry'
Create a character to represent the worry, such as Widdle the Worrier. Tell your child that Widdle is worried and you need to teach him some coping skills.
16. 'I know this is hard'
Acknowledge that the situation is difficult. Your validation shows your children that you respect them.
17. 'I have your smell buddy right here'
A smell buddy, fragrance necklace, or diffuser can calm anxiety, especially when you fill it with lavender, sage, chamomile, sandalwood, or jasmine.
18. 'Tell me about it'
Without interrupting, listen to your children talk about what’s bothering them. Talking it out can give your children time to process their thoughts and come up with a solution that works for them.
19. 'You are so brave!'
Affirm your children’s ability to handle the situation, and you empower them to succeed this time.
20. 'Which calming strategy do you want to use right now?'
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Because each anxious situation is different, give your children the opportunity to choose the calming strategy they want to use.
21. 'We’ll get through this together'
Supporting your children with your presence and commitment can empower them to persevere until the scary situation is over.
22. 'What else do you know about (scary thing)?'
When your children face consistent anxiety, research it when they are calm. Read books about the scary thing and learn as much as possible about it. When the anxiety surfaces again, ask your children to recall what they’ve learned. This step removes power from the scary thing and empowers your child.
23. 'Let’s go to your happy place'
Visualization is an effective tool against anxiety. When your children are calm, practice this calming strategy until they can use it successfully during anxious moments.
24. 'What do you need from me?'
Ask your children to tell you what they need. It could be a hug, space, or a solution.
25. 'If you gave your feeling a color, what would it be?'
Asking another person to identify what they’re feeling amid anxiety is nearly impossible. But asking your children to give how they feel with a color gives them a chance to think about how they feel relative to something simple. Follow up by asking why their feeling is that color.
26. 'Let me hold you'
Give your children a front hug, a back hug, or let them sit on your lap. The physical contact provides a chance for your child to relax and feel safe.
27. 'Remember when you made it through XYZ?'
Reminding your child of a past success will encourage them to persevere in this situation.
28. 'Help me move this wall'
Hard work, like pushing on a wall, relieves tension and emotions. Resistance bands also work.
29. 'Let’s write a new story'
Your children have written a story in their minds about how the future will turn out. This future makes them feel anxious. Accept their story and then ask them to come up with a few more plot lines where the story’s ending is different.
Renee Jain is an award-winning entrepreneur, speaker, and certified life coach. She is the founder and Chief Storyteller at GoZen, an organization dedicated to improving the lives of young people by delivering online emotional intelligence programs.
