High Quality Parents Do 11 Things Differently Than Those Who Think They Are But Aren't
BrightGridVisuals | Shutterstock While great parenting often looks vastly different from family to family, the underlying skills remain the same. Great parents, according to a study from Nature Human Behavior, have the power to drastically impact their children's well-being and growth.
When they choose to lead with unconditional love, high-quality parents set their kids up for success. But when they focus on policing behaviors and avoiding conflict, it's at the expense of their kids' futures.
Things high-quality parents do differently when raising their kids:
1. They let kids change their minds
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One of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology, is the kind of deep-rooted self-confidence it takes to feel comfortable changing your mind. Changing your mind isn't a weakness. It's actually a sign of resourcefulness, adaptability, and strength.
When you grow up in a household where your parents lead with empathy and grace, allowing you to change your mind and live life authentically, rather than alongside unrealistic standards or societal pressures, you grow into an adult who's not only confident, but self-aware and comfortable enough to change their mind, admit when they're wrong, and restructure their values.
2. They let kids learn from mistakes
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Parents who let their kids face the natural consequences of their actions and provide a safe space to take accountability for mistakes raise adults who are confident later in life, but have the capacity to build trusting, fulfilling relationships.
Making mistakes isn't typically an optimistic and empowering experience, according to a study from Frontiers for Young Minds, but learning how to mitigate the discomfort around making a mistake and knowing how to comfortably move forward can remove some of the stress around these experiences.
Parents who teach their kids the growth aspect of making mistakes give their kids the tools to succeed later in life, in the workplace, in their personal lives, and in relationships.
3. They set healthy boundaries
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Truly high-quality parents set boundaries to remind their kids what behavior they'll tolerate without relying on fear or punishment to police it.
According to clinical experts from the Child Mind Institute, leading by example is the most productive way for parents to teach their kids about boundaries, but it's also possible to empower them toward self-advocacy.
From advocating for bodily autonomy to emotionally regulating themselves after name-calling, parents wield a lot of power in setting the stage for their children's emotional intelligence later in life by using boundaries in a thoughtful way.
4. They don't fix their kids' problems
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Many parents fall into an unhealthy cycle where they're constantly fixing their kids' problems and isolating them from personal struggles. Whether it's talking to a teacher at school, doing their homework for them, or trying to soothe their personal discomfort, overbearing parents who wield too much control over their kids' lives are sabotaging their opportunities for personal growth.
If your parents allowed you to ask for help, solve your own problems, and build critical thinking skills at home, chances are you're more confident in your abilities to do the same today.
Of course, these parents also made sure their kids felt comfortable asking for help when they needed it, allowing them to feel comfortable not knowing things and seeking advice in adulthood. Luckily for these adult children, according to a study from Management Science, they're often perceived as more competent and intelligent in adulthood for doing so.
5. They teach kids to embrace their emotions
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Parents who spend time validating their kids' emotions and modeling emotionally intelligent behaviors like setting boundaries give children the opportunity to build their own self-awareness.
Considering their parents never made them feel guilty for expressing emotions or sparked anxiety around vulnerability, these kids grow into adults with the capacity to acknowledge emotions without shame.
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6. Their love is not conditional
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While transactional or self-centered parents might have weaponized their love, relying on a reward-and-punishment system to police their kids' behavior, high-quality parents are quite the opposite.
From physical affection to emotional support or vulnerability, high-quality parents take the time to get to know their kids and be there to offer up their love when it's needed.
Many adults learn how to engage in healthy relationships from their parents early in life, according to a study published in BMC Public Health, which is why so many are still navigating toxic dynamics, guilt-tripping partners, and weaponizing vulnerability and love for the sake of getting what they want. It's what their parents did to them growing up, so in many ways, they don't know any better.
7. They teach kids to value themselves instead of seeking it externally
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According to author Alain de Botton, who regularly intertwines both philosophical and psychological ideas, adult children who grow up wanting to be famous generally don't have incredibly healthy parents.
Not only are they more focused on external validation than a sense of inner peace, security, or reassurance, but it's likely that their parents sparked this tendency within them, making them work or provide something in exchange for love or fall in line with unrealistic standards and expectations.
Kids learn how to build their own self-worth from their parents, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which is why so many people struggle with forming healthy relationships and protecting their emotional well-being later in life.
8. They make home a safe and happy place
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It may seem simple, but high-quality parents raise kids who view home as a safe and happy place. Even as adults, they want to go home often, be around their parents, or seek their support.
If you love going home and being around your parents, something that sadly seems to be a rarity in today's world, chances are they did a great job raising you.
9. Their kids don't fear them
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High-quality parents don't raise kids who fear them. When kids are in trouble or need help, they are comfortable seeking their guidance, support, and advice rather than turning away, trying to hide their mistakes, or avoiding punishment.
Many kids who fear disapproval from their parents, even into adulthood, tend to take on an unnecessary burden of anxiety for their mistakes.
However, in adulthood, children who continue to seek out their parents' guidance and support generally have a great relationship with them; they don't feel afraid or pressured to hide their struggles.
10. They prioritize good values
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High-quality parents teach their kids a strong value system that they can always rely on.
From leading with empathy to respecting everyone and knowing how to advocate for yourself, the value system your parents built in you is the key to having fulfilling relationships in adulthood, caring for your personal well-being, and achieving your goals later in life.
11. They empower their kids
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One of the most important things great parents do differently is that they instill a sense of empowerment in their kids.
It's the traditional parenting concept of "roots and wings," according to PsychCentral's Scientific Advisory Board, that encourages parents to give their children the confidence, strength, and support to go out into the world independently and pursue their goals.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
