If Your Parents Set 9 Specific Limits, They Likely Did An Exceptional Job Raising You
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock When I was growing up, my mom was known as the strict parent. Many of my friends thought her rules and restrictions were silly, and they often told me they kept me from living my life.
I sometimes felt the same way as a kid, but now I know it set me up for living the best life possible. Giving your kids independence can help them learn how to do things themselves, but it’s also important to set rules. Rules help your kids learn what not to do, a lesson they can carry into adulthood. Kids who haven’t learned to restrict or take care of themselves might not know how to do this in adult life.
Even though giving your child free rein might feel like a way to help them, it could set them up for failure as an adult. Parents who set specific limits on their children raise their kids to be the best versions of themselves.
If you had parents who set these limits, you were raised very well:
1. Setting a regular bedtime
Setting a regular bedtime helps kids get enough sleep before the next day. With plenty of sleep, a kid is more likely to feel energized during their waking hours. When a specific bedtime is enforced before school nights, it helps them have enough energy to focus through the day.
Sleep is important for children's overall well-being. Without it, they're likely to become grumpy or even depressed. Kids with less sleep are also more likely to become obese. When parents ensure their kids get enough sleep with a set bedtime, it helps keep their bodies healthy as they grow.
2. Limited hours watching television
My mom was a single parent who worked full-time, so I had free rein in the house when she was gone for the day. I usually fill this time watching hours and hours of TV. As a kid, there wasn't anything too crazy going on in my life. Adventure-packed movies or shows seemed so much more exciting than real life, and I became lost in those stories.
At school, I would have fun with friends on the playground, but I'd often wish I could be watching my favorite shows instead. I eventually grew out of this, but some kids don't. Habits we form as kids can be hard to break as adults, and if a kid is accustomed to watching hours of TV, they will probably keep doing this as adults.
Kids who watch too much television may seclude themselves, not wanting to socialize as much or engage in conversations. Being raised with this habit can make them struggle to realize the importance of meaningful connections.
3. Having dinner with the family
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Growing up, I would go to my friend's house every single day and stay as late as I could. But, as soon as it was time for dinner, I knew I would have to race home. That was one of my mom's biggest requirements for my sisters and me because she wanted to make sure we had an hour every day to sit down and talk with each other. Phones were banned from family dinner, so we were forced to focus on each other.
Some of my friends found my mom's rule to be strict, but I couldn't be more grateful. It allowed me and my sisters to bond over the frustrations we had that day and over which boy one of us had a crush on. Not only did it bring us closer, but it also made us better conversationalists individually.
We all wanted to talk and have the attention on our lives, and to make that happen, we had to be interesting. If I told a story that the rest of the table found boring, the conversation would usually skip away from me and go in a new direction. We all had to learn how to make our stories as captivating and funny as possible if we wanted our family to listen.
These conversational habits have stuck with me in my adult interactions. When parents make their children eat together as a family, it can help improve kids' social skills. It might also make your kids more confident in their relationships with their siblings or parents.
4. Conditional trust
When I was a kid, my mom loved to use the phrase, "You've got a long leash, until you prove to me you can't handle it." Sometimes, I would prove I couldn't handle it by pushing the boundaries she'd set for me. If I broke her rules, that "leash" would get a whole lot shorter.
Parents need to give their kids trust. If they don't, their kids might struggle to learn how to handle things themselves. Giving kids a limited amount of independence can help them learn how to deal with the freedom to do what they want. It can teach them how to better handle the freedom that comes with adult life.
Giving your kids too much freedom can be dangerous. It might lead them to make mistakes that majorly affect their lives. Still, giving them no independence stops them from learning how to handle it responsibly. Parents who give their kids conditional trust teach them to follow rules while still having the independence to live their lives in their own unique way.
5. Getting good grades
Grades can motivate a child to do better or pay more attention in school. Parents sometimes expect their kids to get good grades. They might get into trouble if they don't reach the grade expectation their parents were looking for.
This can encourage a kid to study more to get good marks on a test or quiz. It can make them learn the information well enough that it stays in their mind after the school year is over. It also pushes them to work hard. Good grades aren't always easy to earn, and kids often have to put in a lot of effort to earn them. When you set out the expectation that they should do well, it forces them to practice their determination and perseverance through hard work.
This can become toxic if a parent is rigid about their grade expectation. Some kids struggle with test-taking more than others and can get bad grades even if they are trying. Grades don't always measure success, but drive and motivation can. By pushing your kids to do the best they can, you teach them to keep pushing themselves in their professional goals as adults.
6. Doing household chores
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Most kids don't live with their parents forever. Eventually, they will grow up and get a house or apartment of their own. Kids need to know how to take care of their home themselves.
My aunt did all of my cousin's household chores for her. She likes everything neatly organized, where she likes it kept. She did chores for my cousin so that the house could remain the way she wanted it to look. My cousin didn't even have to wash or fold her own laundry. It would all be neatly put away in her drawers whenever she got home.
It's understandable why my aunt wanted to keep her house a particular way. She works hard to keep that house. However, my cousin is about to go to college and has no idea how to do her own laundry.
When kids grow up without doing household chores, they can have a hard time keeping their space clean as adults. Household chores can teach your kids how to take care of themselves and their space, so they are more prepared for adulthood.
7. Spending within a budget
I was fortunate enough to have my grandparents send me to a private high school. Most of my friends there had grown up with an unlimited credit card they could use whenever they wanted. Often, my friends would use this to buy food for their meals. Many of them never learned to cook, and still don't know how to work an oven.
Now that they have reached adulthood and no longer have their parents' money behind them, they have no idea how to sustain themselves without having food prepared for them. Some of them have ended up in a bad financial state because they don't realize how much eating out cuts into their budget.
The food scenario is one example, but it shows all the negative side effects of being able to spend money whenever you wanted as a kid. My friends who had access to their parents' cards never practiced budgeting, and so they don't understand how to do it now that they don't have a ton of money. Many of them also never learned the worth of a dollar because they never had to work for it. They never learned how to support themselves without money.
While giving your kids an unlimited budget might feel supportive when they're young, it can hurt them in the long run. Without having to learn to handle money as a kid, when you still have the safety net of your parents, you can struggle to handle your finances when you are all on your own as an adult.
8. Participation in activities
Neither my sisters nor I were athletic, but my mom still made us play a sport every year. She didn't care how well we did. She just wanted us to participate in an extracurricular activity.
Extracurricular activities help kids get exercise after school. This can be helpful for the parent because they are less energized after practice, but it also helps the kid. Being active has several health benefits for a growing child.
It also teaches kids about teamwork. They might bond with their team and feel the need to support them. This can encourage them to keep showing up for practice and games to do their part for the team. This can be a good lesson for adulthood if they have to work on a team for a project. When kids participate in sports or other extracurricular activities, they come to understand the commitment of being on a team and how to work best with their teammates to reach their goals.
9. Social media restrictions
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Social media can have a negative effect on a child's confidence. They might look at all the fun other people are having and feel jealous. They could also feel insecure about having fewer friends than other kids they know, even if that isn't true.
In middle school, it can be easy to compare yourself to the people around you. Adolescents still need time to grow into their confidence. Kids often compare their physical appearance with others on social media. Sometimes, this can make them feel self-conscious about their body or their facial appearance.
To prevent this, parents can set limits on their kids' social media accounts. They can monitor how frequently their kids use it. This can help parents keep their kids from getting sucked into social media completely. It can teach them to use social media in moderation and spend more time with friends face-to-face.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
