9 Things People Do When They're More Attached To Someone Than They Want To Admit
VesnaArt / Shutterstock Dating culture has changed dramatically in the past decade. I often hear stories from my grandmother about going on dates constantly and having various boyfriends before she met my grandfather.
However, many women I know who are my age have never been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I feel that solid relationships are rarer than ever. This could be due in part to the decline in men approaching women, or it might be due to the rise of hookup culture.
In a world where situationships are rampant, some people can be afraid to admit when they become deeply attached to a particular person. They might be nervous about revealing just how much they like someone if they think the other person wants to keep things casual, but their behavior can subtly signal to others that they are already head over heels.
Here are 9 things people do when they're more attached to someone than they want to admit
1. They check their phone more than usual
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Most people use their phones every day. They might be using their phone to check if they missed an important message or to try to stay in contact with their loved ones. However, if your friend begins checking their phone more than usual, they might be secretly becoming seriously attached to someone.
They might be worried they missed a message or call from the person they like, or they might just be hoping the person reaches out to them, but it's not always about having contact with them. They could be checking the other person's Instagram or Snapchat to see if they posted a new story. Usually, when someone likes another person, they want to know what goes on in their life.
For many of my friends, social media feels like an easier, less stressful way to figure out what's happening in someone's life than reaching out personally.
2. They compare their relationship to those of others
Finding the right person for you can be difficult. When navigating different relationships, people learn more and more about identifying the qualities they want in their next partner. They might also be able to identify the things they don't want to deal with in their relationships.
If someone is getting more attached than they intended to, they might compare their new person's behavior to that of a past boyfriend. If they liked that one of their past boyfriends was chivalrous, they might discuss the ways their new guy displays this quality. If they hated that a boyfriend was possessive, they might mention how their new one respects that they have their own life.
When someone compares their crush to a past relationship, they could be thinking of that person as a potential partner. They might be analyzing whether this is the right person for them. This could reassure them that their crush is someone worth liking.
3. They act jealous
Insecurity can often result in jealousy. It appears when someone fears they are less suited to something they want than another person is. This could begin when a person is paranoid that their partner is interested in someone else they are worried is better than they are.
But if someone doesn't want to admit that they are becoming attached to someone, they also don't want to show they are jealous. Their jealousy is likely to manifest in quieter ways, such as tracking whether their crush talks to them more than to other people or making subtle critiques of the person they are jealous of.
4. They overanalyze their interactions
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We all want the person we like to like us back, even if we aren't prepared to admit our own feelings. When someone secretly likes another person more than they want to admit, they sometimes replay their interactions with that person over and over in their mind. When thinking back on recent conversations, they will overanalyze particular word choices or their tone of voice. They will even stress about how long the conversation lasted, searching for a sign in their interaction that shows how the other person feels about them.
If someone is struggling to admit how deeply they care, they might also ask mutual friends to join in this analysis with them, hoping that others will either validate their own hope that the object of their interest feels the same.
5. They avoid vulnerability
Admitting to being attached to someone is an exercise in vulnerability. It opens up the chances of getting hurt or rejected. A person who doesn't want to admit how much they care is often afraid to display this vulnerability. They might try to keep conversations with their crush surface-level to avoid getting deeper with that person.
Sometimes this can be because they don't want to like that person more than they already do. This avoidance of vulnerability might not just show up with the person they are feeling close to. They might start avoiding being vulnerable with their friends as well, so that they don't expose how much they like that specific someone.
6. They keep talking about the person
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When someone is deeply attached, they are usually thinking about the other person more. Maybe they even think about them all the time. When someone is taking up a large portion of your headspace, it can sometimes lead you to translate these thoughts into words.
If someone is developing strong feelings, they might start mentioning their new love more. Maybe their name starts coming up in every conversation they have with their friends. They might not even realize they are doing it. This could lead them to turn conversations with their friends back to what that person said or did.
In my experience, the more someone discusses their new interest, the more obvious it is that they are thinking about it and probably romantically interested.
7. They make excuses for the other person
Maybe someone denies being super attached to another person because they know their friends don't approve. If a person likes someone whom they assume their friends don't like, they might want to hide the depth of their feelings.
This could be them trying to avoid hearing about their new person's flaws or how their friends think they are incompatible. They could be trying to justify the actions their person displays that their friends disapprove of.
On the flip side, when you have a friend who likes someone you don't approve of, it might feel necessary to point out their new person's flaws. You might think they will get hurt if they like someone you think isn't good for them. It's not a bad thing to look out for your friends, but sometimes it can make a friend distance themselves from you.
It's important not to make your friend feel isolated if they don't want to stop talking to someone just because you believe they should. If you have a friend who won't admit they like someone, it can be helpful to let them know you won't judge them and are here to listen if they want to talk.
8. They deny their feelings
When you have a friend who doesn't want to admit to caring deeply for someone, it can be difficult to figure out what's really going on. If you ask them about a person you think they are interested in, they might immediately deny it. However, this doesn't always mean they are telling the truth. They may just be trying to avoid their budding connection with someone.
Some people try to downplay their interest. If a friend is already casually involved with someone, they might use phrases such as "we're just having fun" or "it's nothing serious" in an attempt to throw you off the trail by displaying their detachment.
From my experience with friends like this, the faster they deny it, the more likely they are to be interested in that person.
9. They force interactions
Bumping into someone you know typically leads to at least a small conversation about what has been going on in their life.
I'm not sure if this is a universal experience, but I've been to many restaurants and parties to help my friends talk to someone they like. Sometimes people will flat-out ask you to help them track down their crush.
If someone won't admit to being attached to someone, they might be sneakier, casually suggesting a place for you to go where their crush happens to be. If this person keeps suggesting places their crush goes, it could be a sign that they like them.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
